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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be sterilized...

90 replies

TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 00:15

Just that really, got two gorgeous children, am 36 this year, had three MC, don't get on with hormonal contraception... had a coil fitted as part of an op to sort out the MCs and hated that... Am on antidepressants following most recent pregnancy as have really difficult pregnancies and am shit at giving birth... I am done and yet GP said no to sterilisation... suggested DH gets the snip which is all well and good but I want to be responsible for my own birth control, and if god forbid we split, I know I'm done with the two gorgeous kids I have... he may want more, which is fine, he's not the one who has to be pregnant, or give birth and all the shit that goes with that... (if your me, I know some women have fabulous pregnancies and births.... ) anyway, sorry for rambling but aibu?

OP posts:
Bezm · 31/05/2018 07:24

It's absolutely appalling that a GP refuses to consider sterilisation in your situation! I wold be returning to see a different doctor, make sure it's one of the main GPS in the practice, and insist on a referral.
After my second pregnancy at 35, which resulted in a post partum haemorrhage and near death, I asked at my 6 week check for sterilisation and again was laughed at. This was with a gynaecologist following my pph, and he advised having an implant just in case I 'changed my mind'. I agreed as I was so terrified of getting pregnant again.
That turned into an absolute nightmare with mood swings, suicidal thoughts, weight gain and headaches. He put those down to PND as a result of the pph and said I needed to get used to the implant. At my 6 month check up, I saw a different gynaecologist, female, who told me the implant was being trialled (something the other one had failed to tell me) and that my symptoms were clear contraindications to using the implant.
Within the week, I was booked in for sterilisation and removal of the implant. Within a month I was back to my old self. Yes, I did feel a twinge of regret after the op, as I had always wanted 3 children and had only got 2, but that soon passed.
I ended up having very heavy periods in my 40s but so do loads of women. A Mirena coil soon sorted that out.
Good luck with your sterilisation, don't let the GP make decisions for you!

RedLily84 · 31/05/2018 07:28

I was asked during my second pregnancy if I wanted to be sterilised during my ceserean. I have no reason unlike you OP to want to be sterilised. In fact I was a bit put out. The hospital I went to was a very busy maternity unit with a number of women of mainly Somalian or Asian ethnicity who had multiple births - one woman I spoke to was on her 5th section and said ‘she couldn’t stop her husband’ and wasn’t allowed to use contraception because of her faith.

The doctor didn’t even speak to me I think she assumed I was (in their eyes not mine I am too not of English heritage) a woman who couldn’t control my own fertility and treated me horribly speaking down to me - asking me even how many children I wanted to have then. I informed her I had not made those decisions yet and it wasn’t relevant to this pregnancy. I also informed her I wanted to try for a VBAC (which she was astounded I knew what one was as she had made the racist assumption that I was an uneducated ‘immigrant’).

Anyway so there are some hospitals who are trying to force women of certain backgrounds to have sterilisations! I’m sure you should be able to push for one by getting a second opinion from your GP.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 31/05/2018 07:35

I was sterilized after the birth of my.3rd child at 25 years old as I was adamant I didn't want any more and all they did was double check i was sure! The only problem I've had over the last 9 years that turns out is really common but I wasn't warned about is really heavy and painful periods ever since, and I thought the ones I used to have before were bad!

villamariavintrapp · 31/05/2018 09:44

Female sterilisation isn’t as effective as a contraception as some of the other methods-vasectomy, coil etc. And it does have risks-partly due to the actual procedure, but also because you can still get pregnant afterwards, if you do it’s much more likely to be ectopic, and to be missed, as people assume that pregnancy isn’t a possibility, etc. If you’ve ruled out all other possibilities then it should be considered, but for the NHS it is more expensive to do, and with lower success rate, so I can see why lots of doctors are reluctant..

LighthouseSouth · 31/05/2018 10:36

Dinosaur "Asked the consultant about sterilization and she basically laughed at me."

Did you ask why she found it funny?

differentnameforthis · 31/05/2018 12:11

You're welcome @TotoroSakura

CantChoose · 31/05/2018 12:17

Im a GP, it's not funded in my area so there's not a lot I can do about that!

LighthouseSouth · 31/05/2018 12:24

Cantchoose, do you know why they won't fund it?

Seems an odd thing.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 31/05/2018 12:30

LighthouseSouth

No, I was so taken aback. I'd heard so many stories of women being told they should be sterilized at the same hospital that I just assumed she would say yes.

She knows that my family is full of women still having babies in their mid 40s (Catholic). She knows childbirth doesn't agree me as I was diagnosed with Pnd and whole bunch of other stuff after my son was born (in the same hospital).

LighthouseSouth · 31/05/2018 12:42

Dinosaur that's awful

I don't know anything about setting up a campaign group but this might incentivise me to look into it.

Dropdeadfredra · 31/05/2018 12:44

My GP emphasised the mortality rate for sterilisation and wants me to go for the mirena instead.

I am 41, 3 kids, the youngest is 12. I have mild prolapse, I have had a letz and eroded cervix. The copper coil really didn't agree with me. I don't want chemicals in my body in the run up to the menopause.

I think it is purely about cost rather than patient care. Unfortunately I can't afford to go private.

Eastcoastmost · 31/05/2018 12:46

Yanbu. Totally agree.

CantChoose · 31/05/2018 12:48

LighthouseSouth I'm not a commissioner so don't know the ins and outs but it's basically what villamariavintrapp said.

Racecardriver · 31/05/2018 12:49

Why should the NHS pay for it when it would be cheaper to steralise your DH instead? It's you body, do what you want with it but don't expect other people to pay for it.

Leafyhouse · 31/05/2018 12:52

One other consideration is that I'll bet a vasectomy is a lot cheaper than sterilisation, and the GP will be under pressure to keep costs down.

Leafyhouse · 31/05/2018 12:52

Cross post there @RaceCarDriver!

lunamoths · 31/05/2018 12:54

YANBU I had the other issue, I have three DC all c-sections and was asked repeatedly if I wanted to be sterilised this time. I said no because I am in my twenties and felt it was too permanent a decision to make at the time when there are other contraceptives out there that would work for me.

SerenDippitty · 31/05/2018 12:55

Seems ridiculous that it is so much easier to have children than not have them!

JacquesHammer · 31/05/2018 12:57

Why should the NHS pay for it when it would be cheaper to steralise your DH instead? It's you body, do what you want with it but don't expect other people to pay for it

I want a sterilisation for non-contraception reasons.

The answer is still no “because I’m single”. It’s utter “computer says no” bollocks.

So sorry OP. YANBU

CantChoose · 31/05/2018 12:58

Also, while some people on the thread have had no problems afterward which is good, some women do experience significant changes to their periods and occasionally even premature menopause.
It is done in my area at c section but not otherwise.

yikesanotherbooboo · 31/05/2018 13:05

As CantChoose says it is not an option around here either unless there are extenuating circumstances.
It isn't as effective or as risk free as vasectomy ( and that is getting harder to access).
It is obviously much more expensive both as a procedure and when follow up care and risk of ongoing problems are taken into account.
Purely on contraceptive grounds the implant is more effective and the mirena and copper coils are at least as effective and possibly slightly more . They are all cheap and easily reversible in the case of side effects.
Mirena in particular is used by many women in their 40s for control of menstrual bleeding and as part of HRT around the menopause.
One can see why commissioners are reluctant to fund sterilisation when other options have not been tried. It does fly in the face of the 'choice' agenda though.Your GP is not being mysogenistic or difficult they probably don't have the option. A private gynaecologist might be persuaded to do it or an nhs gynae if other methods are not suitable.

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 13:39

Thanks so much for everyone's input. It's been very interesting to read the posts of those who are "against" it - has definitely given me food for thought.

OP posts:
TheMonkeyMummy · 01/06/2018 01:25

I had horrendous periods after being sterilized. It felt as if my waters were breaking at times, it would just go and I had to run to the nearest toilet. I used to have to change every 40 mins for 7-9 Days a month with migraines. I was absolutely exhausted but put up with it for two years before my mum made me go to the doctors.

In December I had an Endometrial ablation and now it is all much better.

Grasslands · 01/06/2018 02:06

Bleeding and other post tubal ligation issues Are not related to the actual procedure.

Verdad · 01/06/2018 02:18

The NHS has to make hard choices about what it will cover. You want to be sterilised, it's not a medical necessity. There are safer non-surgical ways of preventing pregnancies.

Most women know when their family is complete. After that they use contraception.