Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be sterilized...

90 replies

TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 00:15

Just that really, got two gorgeous children, am 36 this year, had three MC, don't get on with hormonal contraception... had a coil fitted as part of an op to sort out the MCs and hated that... Am on antidepressants following most recent pregnancy as have really difficult pregnancies and am shit at giving birth... I am done and yet GP said no to sterilisation... suggested DH gets the snip which is all well and good but I want to be responsible for my own birth control, and if god forbid we split, I know I'm done with the two gorgeous kids I have... he may want more, which is fine, he's not the one who has to be pregnant, or give birth and all the shit that goes with that... (if your me, I know some women have fabulous pregnancies and births.... ) anyway, sorry for rambling but aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 04:30

Apologies for typos, on my phone! DH would get the Snip, not ship!

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 31/05/2018 04:30

I did not no you could be refused sterilisation, I just though it was your choice Nope. I was refused too. It took an unwanted pregnancy that I terminated in order to be taken seriously by my GP, despite having asked him 3 times previously. Yet he was happy to refer my dh at 6 weeks post birth.

you possibly aren’t best placed to make the decision now when you are clearly still feeling low and upset by your experiences Oh please. Patronizing much. Op is sure about what she wants, stop being part of the "women don't knw their own minds" problem that is so prevalent in life.

No state to be making life long irreversible decisions I would say I was depressed during my last (terminated) pregnancy. I had never been depressed before, but I was then. I made the choice, at that point to terminate. It was a life long, irreversible decision. Out the otehr side and 10yrs on, not one moment of regret. Please credit women with more sense.

it's a far smaller op, and sterilisation can have unwanted side effects So can vasectomies. My op was straight forward, as was my recovery. I was in slightly more pain as they took away scar tissue left by 2 cesarean scars.

differentnameforthis · 31/05/2018 04:33

Yet he was happy to refer my dh at 6 weeks post birth. Post dc's birth, obviously! Grin

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 04:35

As for going private, I do feel strongly enough to go that way, just surprised by my GPs response to my request and thought I'd see if it were really that unreasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 04:39

Differentname- thank you! Your post is spot on!

OP posts:
cricketballs3 · 31/05/2018 05:15

When did things change? I asked when DS2 was about 9 months old and other than double checking I was certain (DS2 had been/was very poorly) I was referred and had the op within a few months. This was 17 years ago

Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 05:16

Can you change doctor?

cricketballs3 · 31/05/2018 05:16

Forgot to add that I was 29

Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 05:19

I only ask because I too was refused. I'm 37,2 kids and 1 million % percent sure I don't want to ever have any more kids. I changed my doctor,and now thankfully have been referred,after endless pushing from my previous doctor to try coil,pills,implant.....

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 05:32

Thanks Bexter, I will try that!

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 06:06

Please do 🙂 best of luck! Keep us updated

Annamadrigal · 31/05/2018 06:17

No YANBU!!! I want exactly same thing and could have written your post (in fact I did several months ago!) but GP said no and everyone says "Ooh your DH should get the snip" almost with glee. I want to have control of my body. It makes me furious!

TheMonkeyMummy · 31/05/2018 06:44

I feel for you! I have a similar background and when I was 36, I was sterilized during the c-section.

I am not in the UK, so not sure how it works there BUT I had to sign the consent forms so many times... I think they were scared that I would change my mind. And again, before they performed it during the delivery, my doctor asked me one last time.

It has revolutionized my sex life, I am so happy, three years down the line, no regrets at all.

Talk to your doctor more, insist, and take it higher if you have to. You have the right to know your own body and be in charge of your reproduction rights.

QueenOfQuacks · 31/05/2018 06:53

I've been told it's not offered at all in this area (UK but not England) by 2 GPs and a gynaecologist. Absolute flat no.

Apparently the Mirena coil is "just as good" and much safer.

I disagree because I refuse to use hormonal contraceptives on several grounds and I know a coil would cause me pain (mild prolapse and super sensitive cervix plus just the thought of pokey things being permanently up there makes me wince and tense up).

NotARegularPenguin · 31/05/2018 06:54

Sadly a lot of nhs trusts aren’t doing it now....or at least very hard to get them to agree. Vasectomies are cheaper so they say get your bloke to have it done. I imagine GPs are under a lot of pressure not to refer.

My dh refused to have the snip but thankfully the GP referred me.....this was 15 years ago though.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 31/05/2018 06:59

Both DH and I have been refused permanent sterilisation on the NHS, DH because he's under 35 and me because the GO said nearly 60% of women end up having additional hormonal therapy afterwards for heavy periods and pain and I am totally intolerant to progesterone.

So we're stuck at the moment with condoms which I find scarily unreliable.

hildabaker · 31/05/2018 06:59

Another here sterilised at 29 after 4 kids. Best thing I ever did. How dare your GP not take you seriously, OP. My GP didn't bat an eyelid when I asked her. This was years ago, so I'm guessing that ppl are right when they say it is a cost thing. But why dress up a cost thing as something else?

Whatshallidonowpeople · 31/05/2018 07:00

I'm sure you can pay for it privately

hildabaker · 31/05/2018 07:01

I had never heard of the hormonal issues after sterilisation. How can having your tubes tied change your hormones? I was perfectly fine after my sterilisation.

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 07:02

I'm really surprised by how common this is, the NHS website makes no mention of how difficult a woman may find it to get one.... Just says if you are under 30 and no children... that's clearly not the case

OP posts:
hildabaker · 31/05/2018 07:03

Whoops ignore my last post - I think I misread :)

InanimateCarbonRod · 31/05/2018 07:07

I really cannot understand the fear mongering about hormone replacement and heavy periods after sterilisation.

It's simply removing, tying or burning the tubes. There's no removal of the ovaries or uterus!

I had it done 4 years ago and the freedom is incredible. I haven't had any change in cycles because I still ovulate and menstruate only there's no way for the egg to get into the womb.

TitZillas · 31/05/2018 07:16

Sterilisation was offered to me at the booking appointment for c-section delivery of DC3 - I agreed. Have regretted it since (an permanently broody) but it was the right decision for our family, and sex has been brilliant since. No hormonal issues, no panicking about failures etc

Urbanbeetler · 31/05/2018 07:19

I was very young when I had this done - I begged after 3 children at the age of 26. Absolutely best thing for me (now mid 50s). No regrets at all but I do believe the numbers of women asking for reversal were enough to make the costings an issue for the NHS.

Vasectomy is cheaper to do and reverse but I felt exactly like you op- when my dh might want if I was to pass away or we were to split may have been different to what I knew for sure I wanted forever - no more risk of pregnancy.

We did split when I was in my 40s but neither of us ever wanted more. And I am no longer ovulating of course but can look back at 30years of not having to have worried about unwanted pregnancies or messing about with hormonal contraceptives, for which I am very grateful.

Could you look into having it done privately? Maybe in an arrangement where you donate eggs in exchange? (Although that might not be something you’d consider)

TheBogWitchIsBack · 31/05/2018 07:24

This actually gives me the rage. Where I'm from I've known women who have wanted to be sterilised for many different reasons including ill health and they've been refused.
One was told 'you just haven't found the right man yet'
Its disgusting. Yet my ex was in his early 30s when he had a vasectomy, no questions asked.