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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Matching names with half siblings!

111 replies

BillieElectric · 30/05/2018 21:12

I am pregnant with my first child with OH. However OH has 2 sons and a daughter with his ex wife. All three children’s names start with the same letter.
Since we have been discussing names OH has made it quite clear that he thinks we should keep this theme. However I see it as something that he and his ex wife did. He on the other hand thinks:
A) the baby will feel left out when it grows up and it will separate it as a half sibling.
B) his other children will view the baby as the start of a new separate family as it won’t have the same initials as them.
AIBU in wanting to give my baby a name that doesn’t start with the same letter or should I be trying to think of names with that letter?

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 30/05/2018 22:01

I know someone who in their second marriage ended up with two boys with the same age and name, and two girls with the same age and name.

How? We’re they shagging two women at the same time and both had sons and then daughters at the same time? And he never thought to say to one of them “actually, I’m not keen on the name Geoffrey, how about Malcolm?”

Doilooklikeatourist · 30/05/2018 22:01

Duggars
Different initial for the new baby

GreenTulips · 30/05/2018 22:01

I'm one of 4
Only 1 has a middle name

Don't think that makes her less of a half sister. She ours and belongs in our family.

She is not the sum of her name

Tell him to sod off

Deshasafraisy · 30/05/2018 22:03

No way would I name my child with a name that was in keeping with my oh’s Ex’s tradition! Nope.

Glumglowworm · 30/05/2018 22:04

Siblings with the same initial is tacky anyway. But I think it would be weird for a second relationship to carry on the naming tradition of the first.

Your child is part of a different family to their half siblings. Their dad and his extended family are shared, but they have a different Mum and mum’s extended family. They live in different houses.

Teggun · 30/05/2018 22:06

I think it's a weird thing to have done in the first place, but each to their own ...
And I think it would be even more weird to continue the tradition with your dc!
If you genuinely think it will really hurt your OH in that he feels this dc has been left out, might a middle name be a compromise...
TBH I would be paying no heed to the tradition and if you are not married / share OH's surname, I would give dc my surname

MrsCD67 · 30/05/2018 22:07

Tell him your Ex had a personalised haiku about you tattooed into his face
Oh my god GrinGrin

liquidrevolution · 30/05/2018 22:12

Is he trying to establish a UK version of the Kardashian?

bonkers. Definitely use a different initial.

funinthesun18 · 30/05/2018 22:12

B) his other children will view the baby as the start of a new separate family as it won’t have the same initials as them.

They need to accept that their half sibling has a different mum and that some things will be different to how their mum and dad did things with them. Pick whatever name you like!

AlpacaLypse · 30/05/2018 22:13

The only good reason to share an initial around siblings is that it saves a fortune on Cash's name-tapes. In every other way it is grim chavvy naff Kardashianesque.

llangennith · 30/05/2018 22:15

None of the kids will give a toss about different initials. Who cares?

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 30/05/2018 22:16

Do you know I honestly don’t think I could date (let alone marry and have DCs with) someone who had named their DC with all the same initial.

YearOfYouRemember · 30/05/2018 22:16

I know someone who in their second marriage ended up with two boys with the same age and name, and two girls with the same age and name.

How? We’re they shagging two women at the same time and both had sons and then daughters at the same time? And he never thought to say to one of them “actually, I’m not keen on the name Geoffrey, how about Malcolm?”

Zibbidoo - I suspect Man met Woman and they dated. His kids with his ex were the same ages as New woman's with her ex and coincidentally had the same name and gender.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 30/05/2018 22:17

Oh right so not actually all his kids.

diddl · 30/05/2018 22:19

I was also thinking that Zibbidoo

Flowerpotbicycle · 30/05/2018 22:33

I know a couple who got married already having some kids with the same name.... then had a kid of their own with a very similar name
Think along the lines of
Millie
Millie
Molly
Mylo

happy2bhomely · 30/05/2018 22:34

I have 5dc with DH. 3 have my last name and 2 have his. Doesn't cause us any problems at all. I just make sure I travel with my marriage certificate. It doesn't confuse the kids or anyone else. No one feels left out.

His children won't feel left out because of a name. They might feel left out because their new sibling gets to live with their dad full time when they don't.

I actually disagree with the idea that OP is starting a new family. She is adding to an existing family unit in my opinion. Her partner has a family and she has joined it. Their new baby will join it. The ex is still a part of that family too.

I don't think this has anything to do with what the child should be named though. You need to choose a name that you are both happy with. I wouldn't use the same initial.

Flowerpotbicycle · 30/05/2018 22:34

Sorry meant to add... it’s twatty. Don’t do it

BewareOfDragons · 30/05/2018 22:34

Give the baby a name you like with a different first initial.
I'd also give the baby your surname.
This is your baby and your potential new family unit with this man. You have every right to name your own baby in any manner you choose.

Good luck, OP. I think you're going to need it.

Boredandtired · 30/05/2018 22:38

It's hard enough to agree on names without factoring in a letter!! I'd definitely refuse.

HoneyBadgerApparently · 30/05/2018 22:51

Definitely a different letter Confused

bunbunny · 30/05/2018 23:12

Blimey - most of the people I know actively try to name their kids without using the same first initial to save on confusion down the line!

And AlpacaLypse - even with different initials for dc you can still use the same Cash's name tapes - say you have dc Adam, Billy and Callie - then order the tapes as A B C Lypse. For Adam - it's fine - nobody thinks twice about middle names. For Billy use a fabric marker to put a blob over the A. For Callie put another blob over the B.

(Or you could do as my mother did and stitch them in with a little fold so just he correct initial showed, then restitch the front end when they changed ownership between us - but as things rarely go back to the first child once they've been passed down, a blob works fine and is much easier!)

bunbunny · 30/05/2018 23:13

Maybe sell it to your dh that this child will be getting effectively a fourth choice name for that lettter even though the pair of you now could choose from any letter in the alphabet and as such you think it's really unfair on him/her.

TheOriginalEmu · 30/05/2018 23:27

purely by coincidence my step son and my 2 oldest children have the same first intial, my youngest child doesn't. i know its a slightly different thing, but its honestly never been brought up as a 'thing' for them that 3 of them share a first initial and one doesn't.

Lafraise · 30/05/2018 23:29

I'm with Zibbidoo - initial-themed naming is the height of naffness. You do not have to perpetuate this cringey tradition.

Also it would not fit well with me AT ALL to continue a naff naming convention that the exW had started (although do acknowledge that your DP clearly had a clear hand in the naffness, and may even have been the orchestrator)

It's quite awful really, don't do it, pick nice names you like

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