To think trying to infiltrate the PTA is a waste of energy?

[channingtatumspecs]

@whyismykid recently asked in AIBU why people didn't volunteer.
I wanted to share my recent experience.
General call for volunteers for the committee to organize a school birthday fete. I contacted the organizers as occasionally get the urge to be a bit more involved in school life, despite working really long hours running a business. Mentioned that i run events and tho I wasn't sure I could give a lot of time and attend multiple meetings I would be happy to use my vendor connections etc.

Anyway after their initial committee meeting the main woman sent me their minutes and said yes pls we'd like to use your connections can you help in XYZ way ?

I read the minutes and sent a lengthy reply about some of the items they wanted to do, and suggested things like "I see the committee decided against this due to budget however I have a vendor who can do this for X amount but have U considered that a local business could sponsor this for X (small) amount and have their logo and contact info on all the take away that each person would get from using this thing. Therefore having this wouldn't cost anything and is a really fun thing to have there that loads of people would want to do. In addition you could charge people a small amount for doing this thing and any revenue could go back to the event.
I also had various other ideas that would not cost them anything if they were a bit creative about it and would make it a really fun event.
Anyway hard to explain without saying exactly what but hope you get the idea.

The response was thanks for that but we don't have budget so we're doing it this way like we always have. I replied to ask if she had properly read my proposal and did she understand that it wouldn't cost anything and haven't heard back again.?!!

I'm inclined to think well who cares I was just trying to make the event less crap but it's nothing to do with me but I'm frustrated that they are so set in their ways they won't consider anything different. This comes back to the fact it is the usual PTA committee doing just their way and I feel a bit slighted !! I am actually glad I didn't volunteer for the committee and give up all my time to attend meetings when any ideas are not welcome anyway!
So AIBU to think that the PTA, despite asking for help, really doesn't welcome it anyway ?

@KingLooieCatz I promise I know about the drudgery of events! I do all that and more. But true these ladies do not know me or know that about me! But I know it's hard work and I was genuinely trying to help and not be a hindrance or create more work

I get that channing. I know you really wanted to help. But please understand that they probably regularly get people approaching them telling them how they are doing it wrong, but not willing to do anything.
Honestly the PTA are not at fault here.

@InspMorse yes as I've used this before I know we can out any logo we want on the strips as well as on an envelope they come in. So if a local business was willing it would pay for itself

I was on the PTA for years and I was working full time, most of us were. New suggestions are always great, providing people are willing to back up what they're suggesting by getting involved themselves (which it sounds like you were) but ours was let down on numerous occasions by people who were happy to point out what we were doing wrong but not willing to put the hours in to help because 'they didn't have time'.

Well, neither did we really (we had a lawyer, a GP, nurses, loads of different careers) but we made the effort. My favourite when one woman joined while we were trying to sort out our summer fete and promised many things, for which we were so grateful and when agreeing on a date, she really pushed for one particular date as that was when she would be able to sort donkey rides for (yay!). She didn't turn up for the event because she was 'too tired' and nor did the much-advertised donkey rides. Turned up to the next meeting as if nothing had happened. Ironically, she was one of the only members who didn't work, yet did the least.

Still, my experiences were ultimately good ones and I made great friends, who are still my friends. Wasn't cliquey at all, I joined when I knew no one and they were lovely.

I only have experience of the PTA at our school. They decided to try to attract more working parents. So they now hold meetings at 5pm instead of 3:15pm.

Anyone I know who works is barely home at 5pm, and when they are it’s dinner time or pick your child up from after school club time. What’s wrong with later in the evening? Or even a breakfast in school with the respective kids able to watch TV?

@crunchymint fair enough! I think I got overexcited about it all and didn't consider the audience! But the intent was all good

How much would it cost to hire from your contact? (In other words, how much would it cost to sponsor?)

Your sponsor is likely to pay £200 (normal rate - not discounted).
You're basically asking a local business to give the school £200.
It's quite a lot for most places. (depending on where you live of course).

OP! That's it! It's a school fete/eventnot a corporate event!

My experience is its better to give feedback face to face rather than in long emails - people don't read them I am sorry.

Channing Yes I totally understand why you did this. You wanted to use your work knowledge and contacts to help them. And I fully understand why they reacted the way they did.

Before they have met the team this new person emails the team and tells them that everything they are doing is wrong, and this is what they should be doing instead.

This occurred to me too when I read the OP.

I understand that you were trying to help but it sounds like you came across as criticizing them and not actually offering to do anything.

It's hard to switch off from your business role - you can see how great it could be with sponsorship etc.

I think this could be one of various things:

1. You have a 'we always do it this way and it works' PTA: I'm working my way into one of those at the mo, and yes, it's hard work. Current chair has been in post for years and years; changing even the table settings at a regular event was vetoed (I kid you not). I think that PTAs can quickly get very conservative and scared of change. An email after the event, from someone they don't know/trust, challenging bits of the event they had decided on may have been too much for 'em.
2. You came in a bit heavy, without knowing the politics: there may be reasons why things have been agreed that aren't minuted. X mum who has volunteered to do the photo booth may be the chair of govenors/person who always does the thankless PTA job no-one else likes/sleeping with the caretaker and must therefore always be placated. X local business you suggested may be in direct competition with one who they already have lots of dealings with and need to keep sweet. It sounds to me like you had sensible, fully thought through suggestions, that didn't need more work from others (unusual and very welcomed ime!), but that doesn't mean they were necessarily right this time - from the perspective of someone knowing the event and the local personalities inside out.

Most likely it's a bit of both. They are being a bit conservative/not taking a risk; and you are being a bit gung-ho and not understanding the subtle rules in place. They might be awful, they might not, but you sound like you'd be an asset in the longer term. Maybe ask if you can join the next meeting by Skype/even dial in, and listen in and make some lower key suggestions. If they get shot down, then maybe it's the wrong place for you, but it sounds like their loss.

channingtatumspecs

That's fine, but I think the only point proved here is the one the PTA lady was making when she blanked you.

Also most voluntary groups have a strict rule of not revisiting decisions made at previous meetings. This is because otherwise it is impossible to get decisions made as someone who wasn't there at the original meeting, always comes to the next meeting wanting to overturn the original decision. Generally groups without this rule are very dysfunctional.

I’ve been to two kids parties recently with homemade photo booths... they were loads of fun! People just snapped pics with their phones like normal - better than paying £ for a printout. School fetes are meant to be cosy and homemade. I hate going to sweet little school fairs and then there’s a load of “Sponsered by X” everywhere!
I’m slightly ragey by all the comments on this thread that pta mums have too much time because they don’t work and can waste time worrying about shit, also the implication that it’s better to volunteer somewhere that values the very precious time of working parents. The big newsflash I’ve got is that parents who don’t work don’t see their time as somehow less precious than ones that do. Time is precious to all
of us. People who don’t currently hold conventional jobs still have loads of things they need to do and - gasp! - want to do. (I don’t do pta btw.) just because someone is choosing to spend some of their time helping you/your kids school doesn’t mean they are leisured/bored/whatever. It’s insulting to assume they are.

I found it was "we need volunteers for disco/fete etc"

Except it was volunteers they wanted to help at fete/disco etc.

@Pengggwn I'm reading and taking on board all these comments including those where I handled it badly etc
You're so far the only one who has felt the need to be mean about it! Why is that ?

channingtatumspecs

I was annoyed by your arrogance, if I tell you the truth.

@fanominon thanks that all makes total sense and I accept that !

@Pengggwn perhaps what you took to be arrogance and immediately attacked me for was more like ignorance and many other posters have managed to discuss this in a calm and friendly way and I can certainly see how I approached it badly

That’s a shame they were so negative. I’m the chair of the PTA and always welcome new members and new ideas. However as well as being chair of the PTA I also work full time so new ideas are great but not if they create more work for me. If you’d have said we can do this and I’ll approach all the outside vendors and organise it then I would bite your hand off to take you up on it. If you’d have just come to me with ideas that I had to follow up I’d have said thanks but no thanks.

channingtatumspecs

To be honest, that isn't and wasn't how it looked to me, and that is why it annoyed me, but there is no profit in arguing about it!

OP, I can see that you were trying to help, but your email offering ideas seems to have come over as suggestions for the PTA to carry out, rather than actually offering any help yourself. It’s all a bit ‘have YOU considered, YOU could charge, YOU could do, did YOU understand, It needed to be more ‘I can organise this, I can organise that’
Otherwise it’s just one more thing for the PTA to organise without an actual clear offer of extra help.

So while I can see that your intentions were good, I can also see why your ideas were dismissed.

I had a similar thing happen at cubs. I’m a cub leader, and the leaders from our group (all in full time jobs) spend a lot of time organising fundraising events for the group - bbqs, fetes, fundays etc), on top of all the work we put in actually running the beavers/cubs/scouts each week, camps, hikes etc. Parents very rarely offer help even when asked.
However, one parent did decide to email me with a suggestion that we could have a stall at an event she knew of, perhaps we could do a tombola, it’s in a weeks time. But she couldn’t actually help with either the organising or the running on the day. When we declined to do it, she got quite arsey about it!

I will say also that you absolutely shouldn’t have to serve your time before you get to input into PTA events. Just be prepared to action your idea if you have one.