To think trying to infiltrate the PTA is a waste of energy?

[channingtatumspecs]

@whyismykid recently asked in AIBU why people didn't volunteer.
I wanted to share my recent experience.
General call for volunteers for the committee to organize a school birthday fete. I contacted the organizers as occasionally get the urge to be a bit more involved in school life, despite working really long hours running a business. Mentioned that i run events and tho I wasn't sure I could give a lot of time and attend multiple meetings I would be happy to use my vendor connections etc.

Anyway after their initial committee meeting the main woman sent me their minutes and said yes pls we'd like to use your connections can you help in XYZ way ?

I read the minutes and sent a lengthy reply about some of the items they wanted to do, and suggested things like "I see the committee decided against this due to budget however I have a vendor who can do this for X amount but have U considered that a local business could sponsor this for X (small) amount and have their logo and contact info on all the take away that each person would get from using this thing. Therefore having this wouldn't cost anything and is a really fun thing to have there that loads of people would want to do. In addition you could charge people a small amount for doing this thing and any revenue could go back to the event.
I also had various other ideas that would not cost them anything if they were a bit creative about it and would make it a really fun event.
Anyway hard to explain without saying exactly what but hope you get the idea.

The response was thanks for that but we don't have budget so we're doing it this way like we always have. I replied to ask if she had properly read my proposal and did she understand that it wouldn't cost anything and haven't heard back again.?!!

I'm inclined to think well who cares I was just trying to make the event less crap but it's nothing to do with me but I'm frustrated that they are so set in their ways they won't consider anything different. This comes back to the fact it is the usual PTA committee doing just their way and I feel a bit slighted !! I am actually glad I didn't volunteer for the committee and give up all my time to attend meetings when any ideas are not welcome anyway!
So AIBU to think that the PTA, despite asking for help, really doesn't welcome it anyway ?

@Monty27 perhaps I have been too direct. However I think others have said the same more or less. the reason your comments stood out was precisely because they didn't say any thing productive just commenting on the SAHM VS WM scenario I didn't see from anyone but you
All other feedback has been productive and taken on board by me

I think a better approach may have been to volunteer to approach professional company X to do the activity and approach company Y to sponsor it etc rather than suggest that they do it. It's dead easy for you to do these things if it's what you also do for a living. Much harder if you've no experience.

@whiteroseredrose thanks I agree as I've said I did both those things

Good luck then. I didn't have the energy for the PTA shenanigans in the end. It was a few years ago now. I still volunteered at fêtes and such stuff but my experience was that the PTA was very clicky and ruled by those that were lucky enough not to have to work and went out of their way to undermine working parents as if they weren't committed parents and excluded them. I am talking from experience.

@Monty27 I'm not trying to argue with you. Certainly my experience is that many of the PTA no longer work but have often had high powered jobs which makes them good at what they do. However I think I took exception to your immediate assumption that it was "us and them" "work vs don't work" and they don't like me or want my input because of this
I think that's a bit sweeping and unfair

I am not arguing either. My experience of PTA was exactly the same as yours.it did feel us and them to me. If anything I am empathising. But they didn't half piss me off. Sorry if I offended you in any way.

If you were recommending a local business who is ready to sponsor an event at the fete, then I think they were wrong to reject that specific offer out of hand.

Ditto if you were specifically offering to deliver the whole project.

If you were just saying that perhaps a business might sponsor something, then I can see why the answer is a 'no' - because they are not prepared to carry any risk of being stuck with costs, and also appealing for volunteers to carry out the existing tasks within existing budget. Not to have more items put on the 'to do' list

@Monty27 PTA was very clicky and ruled by those that were lucky enough not to have to work and went out of their way to undermine working parents as if they weren't committed parents and excluded them reading back I think we're talking at cross purposes and you're in fact AGREEING with the original point of my AIBU which was the feeling that I'm an outsider and not welcome. I'm sorry if I misunderstood you
Who knows what it is all about. As per PP I'm sure I could have approached differently but my gut as per my op is that I dunno if that would have changed a thing

I think it depends how you approached it. You said at the start of your OP that you had told them you were busy and couldn't attend loads of meetings etc. They perhaps took that as meaning they would end up having to do more. So perhaps it's more a matter of communication than anything else. Maybe offer to do one of your suggestions so it's not too onerous for you and they can see your suggestions work.

I think PTA events are a bit stuck in a time warp,
I have done quite a bit for the PTA and something that stood out to me in the discussion about PTAs previously is that it is quite an old model, almost exclusively relying on the free labour of women doing dated events like fetes and cake sales. I personally think our energies would be better spent on lobbying the government for better funding for schools so PTAs were just for adding the social side to school life. I also think some schools need to stop taking advantage of parents (I am looking at you DCs primary school who raised over £30k last year and then sent begging messages wanting people to go in on a weekend and dig weeds up) but that's a whole other thread.

@TobysAunt I was meant to attend first meeting but got stuck in traffic and couldn't get there which made me realize I was kidding myself that I could be a part of the group on these terms (weekday early evening meetings)
I was then approached and asked for my input and connections to vendors to which I responded trying to be helpful and addressing some points I could see they had discussed and had wanted to do but dismissed due to budget. I tried to address how these things could happen and had even already talked to other people willing to step in

There's such a thing as doing your time before you get to call the shots, isn't there? Your email sounds to me like you want to manage them from a distance. Most of the people you are trying to 'advise' will have been getting their hands dirty for years. You haven't attended a single meeting and yet you want them to pay attention to 'lengthy emails' suggesting all the things they need to change.

Delete button!

In fact @Monty27 I'm not sure what happened to me there I'm usually as cynical as you but was doing my best impression of someone other than myself ha ha

OP I think maybe you misread me. In my experience they look down on working parents.
I feel your pain.
Don't give up if you have the time and energy though

Oh @Pengggwn believe you me I have zero interest in "doing my time" or proving myself worthy of the PTA. I have a certain set of skills and a huge list of contacts I'm happy to share if it's helpful. But I have far better things to do with my life believe me
I just find it interesting that they do a call out for input and expertise and when they get it it isn't wanted (and not only mine btw)
Are you on the PTA ? Perhaps you can enlighten me ?

When I was involved in PTA there were hardly any on non working parents, probably one of the reasons we struggled to get volunteers. We had plenty of people telling us how it should be done, but not so many willing to actually roll up their sleeves and get involved. You've said yourself you can't get to meetings or even the event.

Meetings were always at 6, we had feedback that parents who work Coudnt attend. We changed to 7pm, no extra people turned up and the regulars got home an hour later.

Our head was very selective about advertising in school, so your idea may well have been turned down for that reason.
I get where you're coming from, our summer fair was pretty much same thing every year. But it was the event we knew we could deliver with the very limited volunteers we had.

@Monty27 * OP I think maybe you misread me. In my experience they look down on working parents.
I feel your pain.
Don't give up if you have the time and energy though*

I certainly did and suspect you're right and that is the reason for my OP!!
I have already given up !

Oh @Pengggwn believe you me I have zero interest in "doing my time" or proving myself worthy of the PTA

I have far better things to do with my life...

Then that sense of superiority is probably why they don't want your contribution, OP. Sounds like a perfect arrangement - they keep spending their time as they have been doing, you keep spending yours.

Exactly that OP. Exactly that.

@Pengggwn Then that sense of superiority is probably why they don't want your contribution, OP. oh don't be daft !! I'm not superior I just don't see why I should have to be a tried and true PTA member to have any input at all!! If that's the criteria why bother asking for volunteers at all
your response in itself illustrates the problem - that people like me without a lot of time but SOME time and also some ideas and some contacts - willing to give some of it up to help but as you put it shouldn't be listened too just yet as I haven't "done the time"
That basically means that no one new can ever volunteer for anything !!

channingtatumspecs

You didn't want 'any input at all'. You wanted considerable input having put in ZERO graft. Obviously people will be at this.

If they read what you were saying here about having better things to do etc., of course they'd have a swift change of heart and see your obvious team spirit

Your suggestions sound great, but you probably needed to be there in person and then take on quite a bit of the organising oven it’s quite different to what they have been doing before.

Tbh OP, our PTA would have bitten your hand off if you offered to help so I have no idea what happened here. I can only assume it was a communication issue. Either your email didn't make it clear you were doing the legwork, or the reader misconstrued.

I've been on both sides of the fence. I've done PTA stuff but now don't bother. When I did it I found alot of parents were hostile and unwilling to help. Even the smallest event seemed to require mammoth amounts of organising for little gain and I just didn't enjoy it. I felt pressured into it as I didn't work. Now that I don't do it (apart from man a stall for an hour in the summer) I reason I have done my duty.

Our PTA raises ludicrous sums of money every year. And yet there is always the next thing to be raising money for. They are working on doing up the playground at the moment and want to install some fancy play frame. My issue is, what if the parents wouldn't or couldn't donate? Just because we can raise £70k for a playground refurb, should we,? Surely the government should be responsible for large projects like that as otherwise its a two tier system. The haves and the have nots.

I also think schools have cottoned on to parents donating time and money and it's become expected. I certainly don't remember my parents receiving requests to come to the school on a Saturday morning to weed or move hardcore about.

@Pengggwn you're being deliberately obtuse I hope. The point is as I think I've already stated that I don't have a lot of free time but I do have experience and contacts and am more than willing to help. I don't have any desire to take over or run anything. I merely made suggestions to items they didn't think they could do to show how they could do it and with time and effort there to back it up.
But yes if they don't care then really neither do I - I'm not going to press it - I really DO have other things to do but would have been more than happy to help
Is that ok for you.

channingtatumspecs

It's fine by me. And I'm sure it's fine by them.

Its not just PTAs. I'm involved in a small charity - am part of a small group of trustees who basically do all the work as we've got only 1 staff member - and what makes us all very tired is when a new trustee rocks up with lots of ideas, but no time to be involved in delivering those ideas.... We then have to do more work (in our free time - even those of us without jobs have a number of commitments) or ditch something we're already doing.So, tbh, you'd have got a similar response from me.