To ask you what to do in this situation ?

[upnorthlassie]

Can't for the life of me think what is appropriate in this situation.
My partner (male) is looking after our 2 sons who are 6 months and 2.5yrs as well as a neighbour's daughter who is 5 (just turned) tomorrow.
He's planning to take them out to some museums etc, packed lunches , all good.
He is now wondering what to do if he needs the loo, as he would normally have either me to watch the kids or they would just go into a large toilet with him plus buggy etc.
What should he do since neighbours daughter is female obviously and is currently undergoing an investigation regarding sexual abuse from her father so want to limit any possible confusion iyswim.

I'd get the mum to speak to her DD and say that if X needs the toilet than it's ok to go inside the toilet with him but to turn around so she's not looking, then your DH can use the loo

If she realises this is acceptable in this circumstance then it's just explaining what is acceptable under the circumstances?

Exactly what Littletreefrog said

It sounds like a tricky situation. I think the best plan would be to avoid needing the loo while he's out. If he goes before they leave, then limit the trip to however long his bladder can cope it would avoid the problem. If she needs to go he can wait outside. That may mean some of the day needs to be spent at home but would be better than nothing.

But what age will she be ok to just wait alone? I don't know how it is these days, I'm a fairly relaxed parent but is it 8? 12?

This is actually a really interesting question, without a straightforward answer. It’s very sad how many people think a fun day out should be cancelled due to a minor practicality, and even worse people implying your DP shouldn’t be allowed to take her along because gasp he’s a man! I’m sure any father taking his children out including the friend of a child will face this situation. The best thing is to ask the mother what she would like done, and then it’s her decision/you won’t get it “wrong”.

I am surprised at how many people are suggesting you leave her with a stranger - ffs it completely relies on that stranger being a good person. They could just walk off and leave her. I would never, ever do that, especially since YOU have been entrusted with her. It’s a breach of the mother’s trust. Perhaps someone working there is slightly better as they are identifiable and could be held responsible but there are bad people in this world and I wouldn’t trust someone with a child just because they look nice or have children with them.

So she just rang and said that she could face away with the other children whilst he was using the toilet , in one like a disabled or family toilet so there is lots of space.

There you go then!

Sorry, but there is no way in hell I would have let either of our girls be in a cubicle with someone else's dad urinating! They wouldn't even go in with their own dad. I find this unbelievable.

Glad you got this sorted OP so your dp doesn't need to cancel his day out and the girls mum is happy.

Right people are taking this way out of context fgs.

He simply asks to use the disabled, takes them all in and asks both 2 year old and 5 year old to turn around. That way they are both doing it, so it would be normal for the little girl.
He isn't a child pervert. He is an adult looking after a child for a valid reason and under normal circumstances nobody would bat an eye lid. You are over thinking this.

She won't remember the toilet. She will remember the day and fun.

@upnorthlassie
Sorry cross post.

But good. Glad its sorted.

Fucking hell. I can't believe the mother is so relaxed about the situation considering her daughter has just been abused by her own father - presumably she trusted him too?

What if the girl turns around while he is peeing? What if it triggers her? What if it comes up next time a social worker speaks to her, and she tells them she was in the toilet with someone else's dad while they were peeing? What if she makes up a story about him because she is a confused victim of sexual abuse? Maybe she would do something inappropriate even if your dh wouldn't?

They wouldn't even go in with their own dad.

@Pa1oma of course they wouldn’t in your house! The 1950s house where women stay at home and make sure the pipe and slippers are ready for the man when he gets home from work, and the extent of your Dh’s involvement in child rearing is providing the money to pay for it.

What has the 1950s got to do with anything? Was there ever a time when you found yourself in a loo with someone else's dad?

My own dad? Yes. When he looked after me. You said your children haven’t even been into a toilet with their own farther.

I don’t think turning away whilst he uses the toilet is appropiate, if I were a man I wouldn’t feel comfortable with using the toilet in front of a little girl even if she was to turn away.

cakedup - I am thinking exactly the same thing!

Hopefully there will be a unisex loo around. There are more of them now fortunately- they are an excellent idea.

He should wait outside the ladies.

Please don't use the disabled toilet. They are not disabled.

What and he should have a wee there - read the bloody thread

There’s no way my husband would take a friend’s daughter (or probably son) into the loos while he was doing a wee. No way.

Worst case scenario I would leave them outside the door of the loo. I know there are bad people but nearly everyone isn’t a bad person and surely a 5 year old can be left by themselves for about 40 seconds? She must have been at school for nearly a year!

Use the accessible toilet. This is what it is for.

And your friend should not let your DH look after her DD if she's not okay with an arrangement where she waits outside/goes in with.

Personally I don't think he should be looking after her in these circumstances, or at a push would be staying at home. It could be difficult for the little girl to be left with another adult male and could also potentially put your husband in a vulnerable position.

But that should only be the case if the DD AND your DH are okay with the arrangements. Otherwise, he needs to say sorry, no can do.

Furano - no idea why you're bringing my husband into this , but in answer to the question - No! No he certainly would not take either of his own daughters or, even worse, someone else's daughter into a loo cubicle and tell them to turn their back while he had a pee!! I'm amazed this is even a genuine question.