To ask you what to do in this situation ?

[upnorthlassie]

Can't for the life of me think what is appropriate in this situation.
My partner (male) is looking after our 2 sons who are 6 months and 2.5yrs as well as a neighbour's daughter who is 5 (just turned) tomorrow.
He's planning to take them out to some museums etc, packed lunches , all good.
He is now wondering what to do if he needs the loo, as he would normally have either me to watch the kids or they would just go into a large toilet with him plus buggy etc.
What should he do since neighbours daughter is female obviously and is currently undergoing an investigation regarding sexual abuse from her father so want to limit any possible confusion iyswim.

It’s not appropriate.

You say he’s not feeling well and stay and help with the kids too

@applesandpears56 I am going with the Mum to support her in court! I don't know why dp is perceived to be a child molester?!

Best thing he can do is use a disabled toilet and ask the young girl to turn around whilst he quickly uses the toilet.

@applesandpears56 I'm sorry I don't agree with your comment. Why should an innocent man be tarnished with the same brush as a child abuser just because of his gender? Not all abusers are male, as a neighbour and if the op is close enough to accompany the mum to court then Inexpext that her partner isn't a "strange man".

Surely a SW from the family team is going to be with the daughter?

If this is not the case, which is odd, then having a conversation with the mum regarding what she wants to happen in this situation is the sensible option here?

Why is it not appropriate for him to look after her alone? FGS do we assume all men are paedophiles now?!

Honestly, I think small flat or no, a home day would be easier. Just have activities planned for them to do. Baking/painting/playdoh/CBeebies/indoor picnic etc.

But really - the poor girl should not be left with a strange male alone tomorrow. It’s highly inappropriate

It doesn't sound like they're strangers at all, and under normal circumstances it's not inappropriate, but given the nature of the court date, having a woman watching her would probably be wisest. That's for the girl's comfort and the protection of OP's husband! (The accused husband might try and make OP's husband out as the real bad guy or something.)

@HettiC the daughter is living with Mum as normal , and still having usual contact as it is court ordered. SS won't limit the contact.

applesandpears56 - OP claims that she is a long term lurker and poster, but she only posted today, I never ever call troll because it isn’t nice, but like I said there have been so many threads regarding the same subject. I think my DH would feel very uncomfortable bringing a little girl out that he wasn’t related to, especially if I wasn’t there or another female wouldn’t most men?

I think I'll ask the Mum tomorrow morn what she thinks is best , one of those situs you don't think about until it gets to it. Thought I had it covered with lunchbox and raincoat!

@MrsHappyAndMrCool ah .. advanced search doesn't work when you namechange !

The Mum is very trusting of us , encouraging the daughter to confide in us about the abuse etc so we are witness to her statements. Bit of an odd situation , perhaps a cultural difference? She isn't from Britain originally.

Aside from that I wouldn’t go anywhere alone with a baby, a 2.5, a 5 year old!!

Really? Do you think parents with three children never go out? My mother had three children of those ages. She managed perfectly well.

I would ask a member of staff or another mum with similar aged children. If anybody asked me I would be happy to help.

I don't think all men are paedophiles. But I do know that most paedophiles are men. I think it's strange that the mother is letting her daughter go off with another male and hasn't thought through the toilet situation herself. Why isn't the mum on super alert about this kind of thing, considering what has happened?

The only options are to leave her outside the toilet which is a risk or bring her into the toilet which is a risk. I guess he could try asking a member of staff to keep an eye on her?

I would ask a member of staff or another mum with similar aged children

Then you'd be putting someone else in a very precarious situation given the girl's current (possibly real) situation.

@cakedup I think she may also be desperate for childcare , it was kind of assumed straight away that he would have her anyway. Since we are close by etc.

Ridiculous comments asking the staff to step in and help out. Just saying.

Apart from the fact they work full on in their job, most strangers would not want to be asked to do something like that. Would you?

Sorry you are in this predicament OP. Lots of single dads have to figure it out too.

Iflyaway - I only suggested that because I once had a man ask me if I could just mind his daughter whilst he used the bathroom, I didn’t mind at all.

In his position, I might ask a nearby parent to keep an eye if I needed the loo. I don't think it's ridiculous to ask that - parents ought to help one another out and not feel too guilty/embarrassed to ask, or irritated to be asked. I've certainly seen it done and I think I have asked myself on occasion.

If she or anyone else needs the loo, use disabled and wait outside - he can tell people he's looking after someone else's daughter and it's for safety.

I'm afraid I wouldn't have anything to do with the child at this time. Too great a risk.

cricketmum84, spot on, how dare people here imply that this innocent, helpful man is a monster. Some seem to want to say to this poor child All men are bad.
As a lady of very very mature years I have been asked on more than one occasion by some man if I would take his female child into the loo and see that she is OK, doesn't lock herself in etc., the things I would do when out with my granddaughters, and I've been pleased to help.

Some places have family loos; I know sainsburys do, it's a room with a lock but it has a cubicle in it for the toilet so it's still private. Some baby changing rooms are like this too.

The museum may have varied facilities if they have school/group visits or suitable disabled/family facilities.

If they don't, I agree with asking a female member of staff to wait with the little girl just outside the toilet so that she doesn't have to be in the same private space as him.

It's very tricky and I would definitely ask the mother of the girl - if she's flustered by the question or is unable to make a decision I would ask her if whatever you decide as a good idea would be okay.

Those saying single dads have to work it out - it's not the same. Not only is the little girl not his daughter but there are sensitive circumstances as well.

If it was a single dad question I wouldn't think about it at all, I'd suggest they all just went into the disabled toilets together.