Am I just being overly sensitive to be hurt by DM's thoughtless comment?

[Quarky]

DM said something today in the presence of my nephew and although I didn't say so, I was really hurt.

I happen to be good at drawing and painting. I have always loved drawing and making things. I did a design based degree at university but I didn't go to art college or anything like that. I have never been able to make much money from my talent. I put my paintings on Facebook and my friends comment to say "wow that's so good" but it's rare that anyone will want to buy anything. I have sold pictures in the past and someone paid me to do a painting of their big house once. But I have always had to do ordinary jobs. At the moment I am a SAHM while my DD is very young.

So anyway...my nephew is staying with my parents this week and I was there as well today. My nephew was studying a painting they have which is 100 years old now. My nephew asked what the artists name was so I read it for him. He tried googling the artist but couldn't find anything. I then started helping him research on the internet but still couldn't find anything. I said "hmm, he probably wasn't famous, he was probably just a good artist". My nephew said to me, "you should be a famous artist". Just as I was about to say how sweet it was for him to say such a thing, my DM piped up and said "she WOULD be a famous artist if she put herself out there".

This really hurt my feelings. You don't become a famous artist if you're a nobody who didn't go to art college. I just felt like I am not good enough for her, that she thinks it's my own fault I'm not famous. She tells me what I should charge for doing a painting, even if I'm doing it for a friend. I hate charging my friends lots of money, I just find it very awkward and cheeky to ask for £100+ for a painting.

She's very controlling in general, when I was growing up if I thought of a career I might like to go into she would say things like "why on Earth do you want to do THAT?" Etc. She made me think that every career path was awful, and I listened to her because I was young and easy to control.

Now I feel like I'm a disappointment to her. My brother earns a good salary, and so does his wife so I just feel so inferior. I never talk about it to them, I wouldn't want my DM to know how I feel. My DM said something during an argument something like I've had loads of opportunities and wasted them. I have NOT had loads of opportunities! I've been bullied and put down and told I'm not as clever as my brother.

At 36 this really shouldn't bother me, but it does. I have always been really close to my DM in the past, but just recently I've caught myself looking at her and thinking I don't care what she thinks, she's a bitch.

AIBU to feel hurt? Or do you think she's just looking out for me and wants the best for me? Please don't be too harsh, I'm feeling low already 😞

Don't just mutter about looking for exhibitions - that is a path to nowhere.

You have a talent. Look for an art class that works towards an exhibition of some sorts. I did a photography course like that. The tutor asked local coffee shops/bistros to put up our work.

Why not do a series of paintings of a popular tourist destination - beaches/Gardens/attractive roads and ask a local cafe to hang some in their walls. They get a cut of any sales. You'd need to choose your demographic - you want places which have wealthier tourists and see what happens. A beautiful but affordable (£200 or so) painting of a holiday destination is a nicer souvenir than most.

To me that sounds like she thinks you’re a great artist and is complimenting you!

I don’t think it’s a harsh comment, it’s saying she thinks you could if you asserted yourself more.

Is there any truth in it? Sometimes it’s good to hear truths rather than platitudes.

In case it wasn't clear
I don't think your mum was criticising you. I think she thinks you are really talented and feels frustrated

I thought your paintings were very good. Very marketable

It is good you are having therapy. You are hiding behind your past and finding reasons to fail. Do you think some assertiveness trading or NLP could help as well?

I think taken in isolation it would be easy to see it as a compliment. But with a massive back story of you never being ‘good enough’ this could well just be another way of putting you down.

I have to admit I agree with @Lacucuracha - struggling to see the issue.

Wow your paintings are awesome!!! Love the river and the trees in the one with the big house.
I agree that FB is not the best place for them,it's where I put the shitty crafts I do with DD .

I too think that maybe your DM meant it as a compliment but perhaps also a bit of a push to get you to make the most of your talents. I think your pictures are brilliant and very saleable so I would check too see if any local exhibitions would display them. Our local library often has local artists work. No one cares if they went to art college.

Please could someone who can see the paintings try to share them so that the rest of us can see them too? Can I not see them because I’m on an iPad?

I'll try to give it a go

Damn too many images today . Will try tomorrow if no one else does.

Have a look at the website “daughters if narcissistic mothers” there’s a whole section about how a “look” or a “word” that seems highly innocuous to most people is loaded with meaning (control, disapproval etc) that those without a toxic upbringing just won’t see because they’ve not been “trained to” since birth.

The way you talk about your DM and DBro sounds like the whole golden child/scapegoat thing could apply.

Have a look and see if any of it rings true

www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers/

Look at No1.... does it ring true???

I can't see the pictures either

In the small town where I live a couple of the cafes have art displayed by local artists for sale. Maybe that can be a route for you

I can see the first one and it's brilliant.

I would also take the comment as a compliment. It sounds as though she has utter belief in you and your talent.

Can anyone screenshot the paintings and attach them please? Would love to see them.

Believe in yourself OP

Quarky, I love your paintings, so get your stuff together and keep at it.

A lot of great advice on here so please take notice and chin up.

I just wanted to write this, you know in life a lot of people put others down sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's just the way it's said and it crushes us.

When we have had so many knocks and put downs we become flatter than a pancake. Quarky some of the comments you made about your work and yourself made me sad. Don't be a pancake, have some faith in yourself, and just keep going.

If I'd have listened to the nay sayers I'd have given up my career at the first hurdle, but I put the blinkers on and just kept going and didn't stop. I don't tell anybody anything anymore which is work related, that way no one can comment. Less said less hassle

As previously said - your know your DM best. However if she has your work all over the house, she must think well of your work.

It can be daunting putting your work out there - I know I’ve been there. I joined a local guild, made some friends and some contacts and joined in our annual exhibition about 12 years ago. I now make a small income from selling my work and a much healthier one from teaching. It’s difficult to take money from friends, but much easier from people you don’t know!! I do charge friends, although I do offer them a 10% discount, as much to make me feel better as anything else.

I know it’s easy for people to say ‘get yourself out there’ but your art is part of yourself and It can take courage to get out there. But take my word for it - a sizeable proportion of people I have met who call themselves artists or designer-makers and successfully sell their work, have never been to art school. I learnt myself at good ol’ adult education classes!
Sadly can’t see your images - good luck!

You don't become a famous artist if you're a nobody who didn't go to art college.

You are wrong. I know three different women who make their livelihoods from their art. None of them went to art school.

They do work very hard at it though. They’ve built relationships with galleries and restaurants/hotels with display spaces, they have built websites and promote their work through social media.

No one is going to hand it to you on a platter, you have to believe in yourself and make the effort.

I can see them this morning .

I agree with others, they're very pleasing.

Have you thought about selling on eBay - original art that isn't rubbish sells quite well on there; people are on the look out for up and coming artists whose work they can buy relatively inexpensively as a potential investment.

Absofrigginlootly - I'll have a read of that website today. Thank you.

Thanks for the replies. I have read every one and taken the advice on board. There is a local cafe that might possibly display my paintings. I'm also going to look out for local groups etc.

For the record, I don't crave fame and fortune. The whole "famous artist" thing was something my nephew said because he's a young lad. It was just the whole thing that DM said that pissed me off. Fame is an extreme. Making a small income would be lovely, and painting pictures that people love looking at is wonderful.

I will take her comment as a compliment. She is proud of me having a talent, as I would be if my own DD grows up to have a talent (well I'll be proud of her anyway). But yes I do know my DM best and I know how negative a person she is.

Here are some pics I’m uploading from the full website

Omg wanna see some drawings now. Self promotion hardly ever works and can be quite detrimental. If you want be a successful artist drink heavily and die alone penniless. You can find many careers that will let you draw, paint and publish but you won't just be an artist. Or you might just be the next Simons cat and make millions.

Wow!!!! You are soo good !!

If I wanted a painting of my home I would without doubt pay you - they are lovely. Can you find a niche like that? It would be such a nice gift for someone who has a lovely house.