Am I just being overly sensitive to be hurt by DM's thoughtless comment?

[Quarky]

DM said something today in the presence of my nephew and although I didn't say so, I was really hurt.

I happen to be good at drawing and painting. I have always loved drawing and making things. I did a design based degree at university but I didn't go to art college or anything like that. I have never been able to make much money from my talent. I put my paintings on Facebook and my friends comment to say "wow that's so good" but it's rare that anyone will want to buy anything. I have sold pictures in the past and someone paid me to do a painting of their big house once. But I have always had to do ordinary jobs. At the moment I am a SAHM while my DD is very young.

So anyway...my nephew is staying with my parents this week and I was there as well today. My nephew was studying a painting they have which is 100 years old now. My nephew asked what the artists name was so I read it for him. He tried googling the artist but couldn't find anything. I then started helping him research on the internet but still couldn't find anything. I said "hmm, he probably wasn't famous, he was probably just a good artist". My nephew said to me, "you should be a famous artist". Just as I was about to say how sweet it was for him to say such a thing, my DM piped up and said "she WOULD be a famous artist if she put herself out there".

This really hurt my feelings. You don't become a famous artist if you're a nobody who didn't go to art college. I just felt like I am not good enough for her, that she thinks it's my own fault I'm not famous. She tells me what I should charge for doing a painting, even if I'm doing it for a friend. I hate charging my friends lots of money, I just find it very awkward and cheeky to ask for £100+ for a painting.

She's very controlling in general, when I was growing up if I thought of a career I might like to go into she would say things like "why on Earth do you want to do THAT?" Etc. She made me think that every career path was awful, and I listened to her because I was young and easy to control.

Now I feel like I'm a disappointment to her. My brother earns a good salary, and so does his wife so I just feel so inferior. I never talk about it to them, I wouldn't want my DM to know how I feel. My DM said something during an argument something like I've had loads of opportunities and wasted them. I have NOT had loads of opportunities! I've been bullied and put down and told I'm not as clever as my brother.

At 36 this really shouldn't bother me, but it does. I have always been really close to my DM in the past, but just recently I've caught myself looking at her and thinking I don't care what she thinks, she's a bitch.

AIBU to feel hurt? Or do you think she's just looking out for me and wants the best for me? Please don't be too harsh, I'm feeling low already 😞

she wants you to value yourself and not give away your work for free. it sounds like she's really proud of you and if that's your work that you posted I can see why

Whatsgoingoneh I mean that although I did "ok"at school, I never really excelled. My brother is really intelligent whereas I've always been a dreamer. When I was at school and college I enjoyed my lessons and was happy, but when I got to university I was overwhelmed and my confidence just slipped away. My DM contracted a long term illness at the time and it was a very worrying time. I just fell into a depression that I have never really got out of, and therefore I have never been what you might call "successful".

I think it was a bit ham fisted but well intentioned, she's saying she thinks you're good enough to be famous or have an artistic career but need to be a bit more assertive, if you don't like asking for money for your art i would say that's a fair point. Maybe she just wants to see you pursue your talent and be rewarded for it. You do need to be a bit dogged and persistent in those fields in particular.

I would've taken that as a clumsy comlipment, but you know your mum....

I would also have seen this as a positive comment and think you have to look very hard to see it as criticism.

I would go for it and try selling your art. I started painting in my 40s and now sell loads of art on eBay. I didn’t have any training and learnt from youtube and books and videos. You don’t have to have qualifications to do good art. I’d love to see a photo of one of your paintings. See if there is a local art society you can join. We have a local one and they have exhibitions a couple of times a year. I do agree somewhat with what your DM said. You do need to put yourself out there. Good luck

My cousin in law sells and exhibits through a local gallery and their website nothing fancy, he's a postgraduate student (not an art or design course in anyway) he makes a nice little income from his pictures and associated postcards, t-shirts etc. It's a low risk way to start and build a following.

I think it was more of a compliment was it not? I mean she’s saying you’re good enough to be famous! That’s a nice thing to say!

Here are 3 examples of my work

I would take it as a compliment on the quality of your work, OP.

Quarky - I don't think they've uploaded.

I will take her comment as a compliment. After all she has my pictures all over the house and is always admiring them.

Firstly OP you should charge whatever you want to for your work - it's never 'cheeky' to ask a certain amount - it's business and if your work is good enough to sell, people will pay. £100 is very very cheap for good art - I recently bought a couple of prints from a market in London - they were around that price. For me it was not cheap but they were photos ( so there were several copies) and the guy who had taken them was not remotely famous. I thought it was a totally reasonable price and I love buying direct from an artist.

Putting your mums comment aside you sound incredibly lacking in self confidence - I think you need to work on that.

Most people can be successful if they work hard enough - as long as you don't expect millions/overnight fame. But if you want to make a living from your art then yes you probably can if you have some talent and will work away at it.

you will probably not be a success if you are not confident though - your mum is right about that and her comment doesn't on its own sound harsh. But as someone said - only you know her.

I think you should really take this moment as an opportunity to look at why you don't believe in yourself - and why you think charging money for your time and effort is unreasonable (it's not unreasonable..!)

They're marvellous!!! I would buy them

I read that as a compliment

I say this kindly but your reaction to your mum (who may of course be a very annoying person in many ways) indicates a defensiveness on your part -

It sounds like you don't want to believe that you 'could' potentially be doing well/ making more money from your art as that would make you feel you should be out there doing it. If you convince yourself that there is no way yu can be a success then you can justify not putting the effort it.

fear of success is usually far greater than fear of failure!

I still can't see them!

I can't see them ☹️

It honestly sounds like a compliment to me op.

I can't upload anything else I'm afraid.

Thanks for all your replies, they have been most helpful. I do love my DM and I think underneath it all she wants the best for me. Maybe I frustrate her. I should take my work more seriously.

Vincent van Gogh didn't go to art college and he didn't start to paint till he was well in his thirties, just 3 or 4 years before his death. If you can paint then you are doing fine.

Anyway, I believe that you should just like doing it. It doesn't matter if you get paid much or not. Just the recognition that you can do it well is really nice. Your nephew sounds like a good boy.

@Quarky I can see all of them. They are fab. I especially like the first one ( of the river). I would have said you were very marketable.

I'd interpret that comment as "Quarky is very talented and could be very well known if she made the effort". I don't think it was meant in a negative way. She obviously thinks you have great artistic talent.

FWIW, I know a couple of very famous musicians. Neither of them took a degree in music and one of them never even saw the inside of a university hall.

Why is it I can't see anything?

I can't see anything either. But I agree with the others that you're taking her comment in the wrong way.