I dont know what to do - chip shop dilemma

[DeepFatFriar]

NC as massively outing.

I am self employed and so is my partner. The vast, vast majority of our income comes from my work which is way more lucrative. This is relevant.

DP has a chipper (its actually a chip shop in a food truck style set up).

Business has been OK - enough for him to survive on but thats about it which i know frustrates him.

He works in it with his sister - his sister just arrives to do the services, hes the one who does all the prep, taking deliveries, etc.

August is his busiest month and it can sometimes bring him in double other months.

Without telling him beforehand, his sister booked herself a holiday with the kids for the first 2 weeks of August.

He was fucking livid.

He then got over it and started hinting that rather than hire someone temporarily etc etc, he would feel better if i could replace her for two weeks.

Grudgingly i said yes.

Except now i dont know.

The thing is because the chipper is a bit away from where we live, i would have to leave in the car with him at 9am, hang around or help prep, start a shift at noon and end at 1.30. I would then have to wait foe him to tidy and clean up, do the accounts, etc, meaning im not back home til 4pm. On days when theres also an evening shift, i would have to wait around and do 6.30 to 9.30pm.

I cant get back home because i dont have a car.

So effectively, this means i would need to either not do my own work for those 2 weeks, or come home and do my own work in the evenings which sounds fucking awful. Having said that, august is sometimes a slow month for me - i cant predict how busy i will be.

On the other hand i know this means a lot to him and im worried he would feel let down now, or that his family would think im selfish.

Is it mean not to help him when i could?

WWYD?

Right, well now you've given this info/there are other people who could easily do it - ask him that: "Look, I could do it, but if I'm busy with my work, then it's totally stupid financially for us to do that. Why don't you ask xx or yy first?"

If he says he thinks he'll make more money having a woman front of house, tell him tough.

Out of interest, what would he do if you needed some help on your business?

Just a thought. I went to Dublin last October and everyone was going wild for Spicy chips.

Would this give him another boost to his business?

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2787686/spicy-chinese-style-chips

By saying a woman boosts trade, does he mean that people don’t want to eat food cooked by his skanky arsed doley mates, and women tend to look cleaner?

Or is he pimping you out in some sort of weird way? Will you be expected to flirt with the punters?

He should definitely just hire a teenager. I worked shifts in a burger van in my teens - it's hot work and you smell of chip fat after (don't get me wrong, I appreciated the work). You have an existing job, which brings in better money, and your time is best used for that.

I can’t understand why a woman would apparently boost trade (unless he plans on making you wear a bikini and all his customers are a bunch of sexist pricks).
Can’t say I’ve ever bought chips based on how many men they have working there.

Get a dongle or tether from your phone.

And I doubt you’d be smelling so nice after a couple of hours next to a deep fat fryer so that argument wouldn’t wash with me

@fanominon
Well my business is highly specific and expertise based so that would never happen but let me imagine...

Say i needed help with mine and it would require him to open the chip shop early in the morning (both incovenient/uncomfortable and less lucrative).....I think he would tell me he couldnt help when he knew i had other options tbh.

And he would have a point.

At the end of the day you are a couple. I think you need to have the conversation where you talk about what you say here and explain that you could be losing income that you both need by doing it this way. It's proclaiming the problem back to him, it's about finding a better way to solve it together. I agree that a student or someone else either closer to the van or with independent transport is what you are looking for.

Christ he sounds virtually neanderthal - he wants a nice smiley fluffy woman working with him?

Does this "business" actually make as much profit as an actual job would? If not, why is he still doing it?

Its also maybe a bit cynical of me but im wondering if he also thinks that if i help, the £££ he normally pays his sister, which he would pay me, I would actually put back into the joint account (amd hes right i would).

proclaiming? That was meant to say "not passing".

I doubt he is planning to pay you, tbh. He will just view it as you lending a hand.

@bluebeck
It makes as much as a low paid job would and frankly i think he would be better off getting one so that at least he would also get his weekends and paid leave but hey ho, pride, fear of failure, etc etc

Right well then, you have your answer: I totally change my view, and think you shouldn't help him!
Going back to my earlier point: the reason you're angry, I'd say, is because you KNOW that he doesn't see your work as equal - even though you earn substantially more. You know that he's asking you because it's easier for HIM - not because it's better for you both.

(My business is skilled and niche too - however dh has in the past been roped into do donkeywork - usually when I'm knackered and grumpy and had enough ;-) . He'd always do it like a flash, so in this situation, I'd be happy to help him )

@Tawdrylocalbrouhaha
Well i mean lets get real, i make in a week what he does in a month, so he knows im not going to do 2 weeks at the chipper and then be like "wheres my monies?"

@fanominon
Im not sure he sees it as less important, i think he thinks august im just going to be sitting on my arse examining my ear wax, and i could be - but i could have work. Also, even if i dont have work, its good to have slower periods to catch up on rest and just relax.

Yes i worked in a restaurant as a teenager and smelt permanently of chip fat. I suspect it would be worse for you :) tell him to tell his friends to be smiley and chatty :)

Anyone else giggle at the word 'dongle'? I still remember when I first heard it when my then boss talked to me about his dongle. Belive it or not entirely appropriately.

Maybe his friends have dongles and maybe they could entice the female customers

I don't think you should do it - you really don't want to, you'll have your own work to do so I'm betting you'll get resentful, it will cause rows etc.

Your DP can easily find a teen or student who needs a few bob; just make sure you tell him now, so he has time to get cover sorted.

This is going to be fucking awkward

I remember thinking it wasn't a real word, just one you used when you couldn't think of the actual word, like doodah or thingy.

I worked for cash in hand over 6 jobs between age 13 and 21. Teens don't know or care and their parents will expect it.

It doesn’t have to be awkward. Reframe it in your head. Why would you take time out from your lucrative career to sit in a boiling hot chip van for free particularly when he could easily find someone else to do it.

Don’t be a mug.

@TokenBritPoshOfCourse
You made me laugh there. It sounds simple when you put it like that. I just dont want to be selfish but i guess it isnt selfish. Its a case of: why should i be inconvenienced because you dont want to be inconvenienced?