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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dont know what to do - chip shop dilemma

116 replies

DeepFatFriar · 29/05/2018 17:26

NC as massively outing.

I am self employed and so is my partner. The vast, vast majority of our income comes from my work which is way more lucrative. This is relevant.

DP has a chipper (its actually a chip shop in a food truck style set up).

Business has been OK - enough for him to survive on but thats about it which i know frustrates him.

He works in it with his sister - his sister just arrives to do the services, hes the one who does all the prep, taking deliveries, etc.

August is his busiest month and it can sometimes bring him in double other months.

Without telling him beforehand, his sister booked herself a holiday with the kids for the first 2 weeks of August.

He was fucking livid.

He then got over it and started hinting that rather than hire someone temporarily etc etc, he would feel better if i could replace her for two weeks.

Grudgingly i said yes.

Except now i dont know.

The thing is because the chipper is a bit away from where we live, i would have to leave in the car with him at 9am, hang around or help prep, start a shift at noon and end at 1.30. I would then have to wait foe him to tidy and clean up, do the accounts, etc, meaning im not back home til 4pm. On days when theres also an evening shift, i would have to wait around and do 6.30 to 9.30pm.

I cant get back home because i dont have a car.

So effectively, this means i would need to either not do my own work for those 2 weeks, or come home and do my own work in the evenings which sounds fucking awful. Having said that, august is sometimes a slow month for me - i cant predict how busy i will be.

On the other hand i know this means a lot to him and im worried he would feel let down now, or that his family would think im selfish.

Is it mean not to help him when i could?

WWYD?

OP posts:
fanominon · 29/05/2018 17:50

Get him to bloody pay tax properly. It's basically stealing from the rest of us, and it's shit.

Other than that, you've got two options:
a) he takes on local teen for two weeks (you maybe help out for first few days whilst s/he finds his/her feet
b) you take your laptop with you and work in a local coffee shop around your 'shift'

I can sort of understand your frustration - but since your SIL has kids, Aug is a pretty standard holiday slot - it's a bit mean to expect her never to have an Aug holiday...when its not her business.

FASH84 · 29/05/2018 17:50

Local teen is the answer of you don't want to walk to MILs. Ultimately if sister is self employed / not PAYE it is her business to declare her tax etc. I'd be concerned if his business is paying no tax at all, he'll get caught and that'll really impact family finances.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 29/05/2018 17:50

Plenty of businesses restrict leave at their peak times. Plus she’s his sister so it’s personal, unlike random employees.

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 29/05/2018 17:50

I guess the major question is: is it mean to not do it when i technically could by taking my computer with me and going to his mums to work?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/05/2018 17:51

im fucked off that whilst his sister is on holiday im working two jobs to cover her selfishness

How is she selfish by having a holiday? Get over yourself

user139328237 · 29/05/2018 17:51

It is not uncommon for businesses to have a holiday blackout during their busiest time and especially in the case of a family business it is selfish to say the least to go on holiday for a fortnight at such a time.
While cash-in-hand is illegal I do have some sympathy for small business owners who pay that way especially in cases like this when the work is clearly part time and the only tax possibly being dodged is a small amount of NI (if the sister is earning above the income tax threshold he has bigger issues).
I'm not so sure that he could find anyone to work everyday for 2 weeks especially as the hours are short and right in the middle of the day.

bonnyshide · 29/05/2018 17:51

This is just the sort of job my 16YO DS would love to find in the summer to bring in a bit of spending money. Cash in hand would be perfect.

Can you not find a local student?

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 29/05/2018 17:51

@fanominon
Yes, MN has helped me see the sister in a new light, i take the selfishness point back.

But what do you think re the question i just posted?

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 29/05/2018 17:53

I would be prepared to do the lunchtime slot but not the evening. Although if you can’t get home until he does I suppose you won’t be able to go home and chill! But it’s mainly the evening that would make me think fuck that.

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 29/05/2018 17:53

@user139328237
Thanks for your reply, i think this is why he was annoyed: he had clearly said that july and august were major business months and he needed to get a maximum out of them.
I also dont know how easy it would be to find someone which is why im struggling with just backing out.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 29/05/2018 17:54

As others have said, it's normal for service industry business to restrict leave at busy times. And few employers allow you to take leave as and when you want - you normally have to get prior approval.

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 29/05/2018 17:54

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar
The qorst part about the evening is after it closes theres a massive clean up session which means not getting hpme til 11pm

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/05/2018 17:56

Plenty of businesses restrict leave at their peak times.

That was my initial reaction. Issue is she’s cash in hand. No legal contract. Your dh is making poor choices and cannot expect his sister to give a stuff. She has no NI, sick pay, holiday pay etc etc. So tough luck on your dh.

Best thing he could do is jack the van in and get a better paid job or work out a way to pay his sister properly.

In answer to your question, get him to employ a student.

JennyHolzersGhost · 29/05/2018 17:57

No it is not mean to decline this interesting business opportunity he is offering you.
The very fact that you think it might be suggests to me that he doesn’t pull his weight in more than just his tax affairs.

Why is it your problem - is it because other than his sister you’re the nearest woman who can skivvy for him ? I suspect that was his thinking. Does he have any male mates who fancy doing this? Has he asked around?

Tell him to get stuffed and focus on your own business. And if he’s not pulling his weight in the house then tell him he’s picking up his slack from now on.

EmmaC78 · 29/05/2018 17:57

It is two weeks out of your life. Put the other issues aside and do the kind thing and help your DP.

Taking your laptop to his parents sounds like the most sensible solution.

fanominon · 29/05/2018 17:58

:-) You are a good (pickled) egg then.

Honestly? I think you need to take a few breaths, and decide what you're really cross about and why!

I think you came in here thinking his sister was totally taking the piss, and that your dh had thrown it onto you without trying to solve the problem. and therefore full of Righteous Anger against the world. And yeah, that is a bit what's happened to you in terms of all this. BUT if it was my dh? If I could help and it wasn't going to have a negative impact on my work, I'd probably help (I am S.E. too fwiw, although dh has earned more than me the last few years) I would also however be tempted by free chips, and you are probably over that now.

How soon will you have a sense of how busy your work will be over the period? If you could wait a month or so, maybe see how the diary is looking, then decide? I assume it wouldn't make sense for you to turn (more profitable?) work away to work in the chippie if you are likely to be busy.

Bringonspring · 29/05/2018 17:59

It’s only 2 weeks and would massively help out your DP. Sounds like you have flexibility and currently no DCs to look free.

Unfortunately we all have to do things we don’t want to.

Ivymaud · 29/05/2018 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatchworkGirl · 29/05/2018 18:01

I would feel very, very uncomfortable working with or for a business that pays 'cash in hand' - even if it was a relative so it would be a no from me for that reason.

Assuming this isn't a problem for you - I still think I'd pull out if I were you. I'm self-employed too and could not justify wasting almost a whole day for a few hours work. 'I don't want to' would be enough of a reason for me - I might be a little more tactful when giving a reason though!

It sounds like the business is failing anyway (if it can't afford to employ someone properly) so it would be just papering over the cracks. Not worth it (imho).

eggcellent · 29/05/2018 18:04

She's not treating it like a proper job if she just books the holiday then informs him. He should give her notice and hire someone new, on a more proper (legal) basis, in plenty of time for the busy months.

krustykittens · 29/05/2018 18:10

I am self employed too, OP, and frankly, if your DP's business doesn't bring in enough to live on, even after he dodges all the tax he is supposed to pay, it's time to get a job.

SandAndSea · 29/05/2018 18:10

Am I the only one thinking that if you were a man with a successful business, no one would expect you to do this?

krustykittens · 29/05/2018 18:11

I didn't mean that to sound nasty, btw, I just find a lot of self-employed people are very reluctant to let go of a business that is failing and take it far too personally, doing themselves a lot of harm financially.

AJPTaylor · 29/05/2018 18:12

Pay someonr 7.80 an hour or whatever.

JessicaJonesJacket · 29/05/2018 18:14

If you needed help in your business and he was available, would he help you? Because either he is the sort of person who expects you to solve his problems for him but he doesn't reciprocate or he thinks you're both in a partnership and should muck in to help each other.

I would be wary of getting involved if he is someone who brings you crisis after crisis to resolve. But you have to accept that if he is that sort of person then he may not be happy with your decision if you refuse.

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