To not look after 3 kids by myself.

[Wellthisunexpected]

I don't think I am, but before I say no to DH I want to mumsnet opinion. So far only texts with DH re the issue, and it's hard to get subtleties with text so I'm not yet sure if he's asking.

Ages ago DH and I agreed to have sister kids (8 and 8months) for a weekend so that she could attend a competition with her DP (it's a prestigious invitational and not suitable for children). It's in 3 weeks. Today DH has found out that a conference he wants to go to is also on that weekend. The date has only just been released. He's annoyed as he can no longer go. His messages seem to be suggesting he wants me to offer to have the kids (inc our DS2.5) all weekend by myself. Which I might be inclined to do, if a) I wouldn't be 8 weeks pregnant at the time (and last pregnancy at 8 weeks my IBS was so bad they thought I was having an ectopic) and b) I hadn't had DS all weekend this weekend, last weekend and next weekend (a mix of work and hobby for DH) and I wasn't having DS for a long weekend whilst DH goes on a stag do abroad in summer.

They are good kids, but I'm already exhausted and morning sickness will kick in soon (or it could be worse), I work full time so there's no chance of a rest in the week either.

He doesn't have to go to the conference and there's no ramifications if he doesn't.

AIBU to say no?

If it was a one off weekend, I would say you're being unreasonable.

But with the pregnancy related health issues and all the other weekends for his hobby and stag do, then no, you are not being unreasonable.

Is just tell tell him what you've said here- that you're always being left at the weekend to look after your son, so you get no time off while he gets the whole weekend. And it's for hobbies and stag do so he doesn't have to do it. Just say this time, you're saying no.

Also, when do you get weekends off? Book yourself a weekend thing with some friends and leave him with your son.

Rocinante1 if it was another time, I wasn't pregnant and I didn't feel so put upon recently (and it is recent, just how dates and things have fallen) then I'd do it. But I'm not used to having 3 kids and don't have the stamina for it etc at the moment.

He's normally really good with DS, I'll get the time back, that isn't the issue. It's that I'm just feeling it all at the moment.

Nah, not UR at all. He needs to miss his conference. He made a prior commitment.

We’ve got 3 kids. Eldest is only 4. Perfectly normal for us to fly solo with them.

It’s do-able. Hard work but do-able.

If it’s a one off weekend then I do think it’s a bit unreasonable really. It’s family and most families I know help each other out when they can as long as it’s one off things rather than a regular occurrence.

So your sisters children are 8 years and another * months, and you will have a 2.5 year old and are 8 weeks pregnant?

If that's right then the 8 year old won't need much looking after, and neither will the 8 month old unless very mobile. So really it's just your child to look after.

Can any other family come over and help out?

If he doesn’t need to go to the conference he shouldn’t go.

Hobbies and stag dos!! He owes you and you can’t let your sister down.

He needs to stay and help

We’ve got 3 kids. Eldest is only 4. Perfectly normal for us to fly solo with them

they're your kids though, and thats your choice. These are not OP's kids and its not her choice.

I imagine you can see the difference?

*=8 months

It's different when it's your own kids though.

I have three kids too but I know them inside out and all their little preferences.

I'd say no to your DH.

I think (crap as it is for you with your possible pregnancy related issues) you need to either find someone to come and help you - parents, in laws, friend? It’s too close to cancel on your sister in my view and if the conference is important then it’s a shame if he can’t go. Maybe put the onus on him to find you some help? Even if it’s paid help.

LifeBeginsAtGin the 8 months old is mobile. The 8 yo is ace, and will be content sat at the PS4 all weekend, but that doesn't seem fair really. No other family can help out, we don't live near any of them anyway.

@PaddyF0dder

Difference is, you've chosen to have 3 kids and they are all yours. So it's your job to take care of them

OP has one kid, they have offered to babysit. She's exhausted, pregnant and feeling the ill effects. And now her husband wants to go off for another weekend away. It's a completely different situation from yours, and her husband should prioritise his wife and his family commitments.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and if someone had asked me to look after someone else’s children for the weekend last weekend I’d have laughed in their face (or more likely vomited in their shoe). And I already have 2DC.
YANBU. If you weren’t pregnant and you hadn’t been picking up the weekend slack so much recently then I’d probably say to suck it up as a one off, but not in this scenario.

My dh will also try and make me feel bad in situations like this. I tend to go with the 'oh, what a shame you'll miss the conference. Still, there's always next time. So, what are we going to do to entertain these kids then?'. Smiley, smiley, bright and breezy. Do not offer, no matter how big hid hints are. He won't ask you outright to have all three because he knows he is being unreasonable. Just smile it out.

Launguageofkindness there's no one to help, and the conference isn't important, he just wants to go.

I've got a 10 month old (and 3 other children) and I would NEVER say an 8 month old is no trouble 😂

Nope it doesn't sound fair to me OP and I'd put my foot down and say DH would have to stay home. My DH left me with an additional 4 year old last week and it was hard work and I'm not pregnant or with any illnesses!

YANBU. I am 17 weeks pregnant and the first trimester was ruddy awful. I have three DC myself and that was hard enough, no way would I have looked after someone else’s on my own. Your DH had prior commitments so needs to miss out on the conference.

Oh and also agreed that 8 month olds are hard work!

LokiBear yeah, that;s the situation! And that's the response he's had so far.

Like I say, normally I would do it, but I'm already exhausted and feeling rubbish, my temper is frayed and morning sickness is just kicking in.

There's also a practical implication of we would end up in the house all weekend, we don't have a double buggy and DSs walking isn't the greatest so going out will be really hard. We are currently living in a renovation property (our spare room is currently the living room and the kitchen is on a different floor).

Since when does an 8 month old not need looking after???

Is it your sister or his? If it's his sister then I'd definitely say no.
If it's your sister it's slightly different, but I personally would not agree to ever have anyone else's 8 month old for a weekend for any reason, flying solo, together or otherwise.
If he agreed to have them in joint decision with yourself then he should stick with it, but if it was your decision and you assumed he'd be around it's a different matter.
I guess you have to see how important it is to him and weigh it up. I think it's unreasonable to ask someone to have an 8 month old!

If this conference had fallen on the stag weekend, presumably your DH would have declined due to having a prior commitment.

He also has a prior commitment babysitting so should honour that and stay home to help you.

He is being very selfish. He has had several weekends doing what heveants whilst you pick up the slack. He has promised help this weekend and needs to honor it. Dont engage beyond 'oh what a shame'. YANBU.

What he wants^ not hevants!