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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not look after 3 kids by myself.

94 replies

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 11:27

I don't think I am, but before I say no to DH I want to mumsnet opinion. So far only texts with DH re the issue, and it's hard to get subtleties with text so I'm not yet sure if he's asking.

Ages ago DH and I agreed to have sister kids (8 and 8months) for a weekend so that she could attend a competition with her DP (it's a prestigious invitational and not suitable for children). It's in 3 weeks. Today DH has found out that a conference he wants to go to is also on that weekend. The date has only just been released. He's annoyed as he can no longer go. His messages seem to be suggesting he wants me to offer to have the kids (inc our DS2.5) all weekend by myself. Which I might be inclined to do, if a) I wouldn't be 8 weeks pregnant at the time (and last pregnancy at 8 weeks my IBS was so bad they thought I was having an ectopic) and b) I hadn't had DS all weekend this weekend, last weekend and next weekend (a mix of work and hobby for DH) and I wasn't having DS for a long weekend whilst DH goes on a stag do abroad in summer.

They are good kids, but I'm already exhausted and morning sickness will kick in soon (or it could be worse), I work full time so there's no chance of a rest in the week either.

He doesn't have to go to the conference and there's no ramifications if he doesn't.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:

LoveInTokyo · 29/05/2018 13:15

OP, you're pregnant and exhausted and your husband has already had/is having four weekends off to do what he wants to do.

And I still don't believe that anyone would seriously organise a conference on three weeks' notice and expect more than a minimal turnout.

He is taking the piss and you need to put your foot down. I would be annoyed about this even if you hadn't jointly agreed to look after two additional children for the weekend. Is he planning to continue to be such a part-time parent once your second child is here?

Just tell him no. He is being unreasonable. And what's more, he knows he is being unreasonable because he's hinting at this in the hope that you'll say, "oh that's fine darling, you go to the conference, I'll manage!" and let him off the hook.

cornishstripes · 29/05/2018 13:16

i don't see why you should throw money at 'the problem' (all of the children you're both related to) when your DH doesn't need to go to the conference and has already had plenty of time off of late.

Original poster

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 13:18

LoveInTokyo he isn't normally such a part time parent. The last 2 weekends have been 1.5 days work and then .5 days hobby, this weekend coming will be 2 days work. This is extra work (marking exams, so seasonal) which will be spent on decorating the house. We agreed for him to do that almost a year ago. He works really hard doing it - almost every weekend and evening for 3 weeks but still does his share of the bedtimes. And it's for the benefit of both of us. At least I get evenings free once DS is in bed. The stag do is just a one off, the last one I went to!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 13:19

'If this conference had fallen on the stag weekend, presumably your DH would have declined due to having a prior commitment.

He also has a prior commitment babysitting so should honour that and stay home to help you.'

This. Do not offer. Bollocks. I would just completely ignore hints and guilt-tripping.

Original poster

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 13:20

He's also straight out said that the timing mess up is his fault!

OP posts:

cornishstripes · 29/05/2018 13:22

you both sound incredibly hard working op. I'd be penciling in hitting up my sister for a weekend away for you and DH when your baby is 8 months old :)

LoveInTokyo · 29/05/2018 13:23

Why is the timing his fault?

If he's said it is his fault then to me that suggests he knew about the conference ages ago and failed to realise there was a clash. Or that he got an email about it ages ago and has only just seen it, or something like that.

cornishstripes · 29/05/2018 13:24

agree love my DP often surprises me with last minute work events - they're not really last minute of course, it's a planning failure. I'm projecting though :)

Original poster

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 13:25

cornishstripes if you met my sister you wouldn't leave a bag of flour in her care

OP posts:

cornishstripes · 29/05/2018 13:26

damn it! You must be nice to have agreed to do it with no quid pro quo! I have siblings and similar, wouldn't trust the pfb or psb with them!

Original poster

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 13:27

LoveInTokyo I've just checked. Registration opens today. It's likely he only got an email this morning to say this. It looks as though the date was set on 16th May - which does to me seem ridiculous! It is on the same weekend it was on last year though (and probably the year before) so they probably think most people will have an idea when t'll be.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 13:30

cornish we get plenty of those 'surprise' events too. He does generally openly admit if he knew about them and forgot though.

My sister had DS for half a day when we were visiting near by last month, it's the most I've let her have him for. He came back alive, which is good! TO be fair to her, she's much better with the new baby than she was with her first, so maybe I should change my opinion of her!

OP posts:

LoveInTokyo · 29/05/2018 13:31

Bet your life they have at least had some kind of "save the date" months ago though, and he just forgot.

Original poster

Wellthisunexpected · 29/05/2018 13:34

Love probably!

OP posts:

Caterina99 · 29/05/2018 20:50

I have a nearly 3 year old and a 7.5 month old. It’s hard work! And they’re MY KIDS.

I’d be unhappy about doing that by myself, especially pregnant. I watched a friend’s toddler for a day and overnight when she had her second (so didn’t get to choose the date) and although it wouldve been fine, I was so glad my DH was around too as it happened to be a weekend. Meant he could put DS to bed while I put the friend to bed, watch the kids while I fed the baby, or watch the baby while I managed the toddlers.

Nb65988 · 31/05/2018 07:05

Well that's what happens when you volunteer tell ure sister u can't do it anymore as urc husband works commitment jusr happened to be last minute and on the same weekend and u can't cope with all they young kids but this conference came out of no where at last minute pretty sure he would have known sooner so thry had the number of people attending I would not be surprised if he was booked into hotel for weekend not wanting to look after kids and for ure sister to expect u to look after all these kids for a whole weekend

Rocinante1 · 31/05/2018 07:08

@Nb65988

This is the second thread I've seen you comment on this morning where your comment makes no sense, and is completely wrong. Read the thread before you start spouting stuff.

Also.. full stops and commas are great

Ohyesiam · 31/05/2018 07:12

You are pregnant ffs. Of course yanbu

WanderingTrolley1 · 31/05/2018 07:25

Yanbu.

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