Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All men fancy younger women

477 replies

Violetshift · 28/05/2018 22:39

I think I am insanely jealous. So don’t know whether I am BU?

My partner has started tutoring a 19 year old. He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9.

He hasn’t said much about her. I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life.
Now he thinks this is subjective and nothing untoward. Like he thinks our daughter is pretty.

AIBU and just a jealous hag?

OP posts:
Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:02

Yes I would not want to be with him if he did.

OP posts:
Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:05

Really? A genuine question- why? What's so bad about it?

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:05

The big issue would be that's it's his student. What if it was just a random person he found attractive?

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:06

Guess I don’t do it to him. It seems gross and immature.

If he wants to fantasise about someone else. I would rather be alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:06

The big issue would be that's it's his student. What if it was just a random person he found attractive?

I would feel the same

OP posts:
Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:07

Have you nevet fantasised about someone? Someone famous?

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:09

Why is it gross and immature? I'm genuinely interested and not trying to be goady

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:14

Have you nevet fantasised about someone? Someone famous?

Never

Have about real people when younger.

OP posts:
Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:16

Why does that have to stop? Sex, sexual desire and fantasy doesn't have to stop. In fact fantasy can add to a relationship and keep the sex exciting

RebelRogue · 29/05/2018 18:23

@Violetshift you need to talk to someone about this. You need help to sort out your issues,figure out what's reasonable and what isn't,what's insecurity and what isn't. Atm you seem hell bent on sabotaging this relationship. Why?

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:23

Maybe I am too DisneyfiedSad

OP posts:
Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:25

Atm you seem hell bent on sabotaging this relationship. Why?

Guess since my ex I am always testing to prove myself right and whether he is worth it.
Get paranoid about little flags such as this.

OP posts:
Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:25

What do you mean?

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 18:26

There is no flag to be worried about

RebelRogue · 29/05/2018 18:35

Guess since my ex I am always testing to prove myself right and whether he is worth it.

Then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy,because you either find something, convince yourself you found something or he gets fed up and leaves. It's a vicious circle and it's not healthy.
You need to trust yourself first and foremost,and then learn to trust others again too.

Atm you're not happy anyways ,always waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's the main issue isn't it? That fear...and not having any control over .

BuntyII · 29/05/2018 18:35

@Violetshift the key to moving forward with your jealousy is to accept that you can't control his thoughts. He may well think about her when he is wanking. (Tbh he's probably not because he's watching porn instead but that's neither here nor there) but there's nothing you can do about it. What most of the rest of us do is choose to live in blissful ignorance and not dwell too much on our partners private thoughts.

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:48

What most of the rest of us do is choose to live in blissful ignorance and not dwell too much on our partners private thoughts.

I need to learn to do this but I find it so hard.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/05/2018 18:54

@Violetshift

You need some help with your jealousy issues. You will almost certainly drive your DP away otherwise. It is perfectly possible to find someone other than our partner attractive without it leading to cheating. Almost everybody does at some point.

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 18:55

Atm you're not happy anyways ,always waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's the main issue isn't it? That fear...and not having any control over .

Yes!

What red flag?

I seem to be paranoid about them. Eg he doesn’t think anything wrong with porn but won’t watch it because of me. I don’t believe this. But could never prove it.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 29/05/2018 19:02

It's not jealousy. He could be blind and you would still be looking for something.
It's insecurity and trust issues. Would you consider talking to your GP and ask for help?

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 19:07

You seem determined to trip home up and find fault with everything. Does he have to alter his behaviour significantly just to please you?
How would you feel if he went out for a coffee with a female friend? Would he be able to say yes without you kicking off? Xx

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 19:08

*him

Gwenhwyfar · 29/05/2018 19:12

"They don't actually, there was a survey reported in the media not that long ago and the verdict was that men prefer women close to their own age."

I don't think that one survey is enough to disprove all the others that show that men generally tend to find women around 21 (the average age of beauty contestants) the most attractive. Of course it doesn't mean they all want to go out with women of that age as there are other considerations, but I do think many, many men do prefer younger women if the question is just about looks.

BuntyII · 29/05/2018 19:15

It is really hard, I understand because I've been there. You start with stopping all of the jealous controlling things you have done up until now. So no checking his phone (tell him to change his password and don't share it with you), no looking through his pockets, no ringing him when he is ten minutes late. All of these things feed into making jealousy worse and worse

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 19:20

You seem determined to trip home up and find fault with everything. Does he have to alter his behaviour significantly just to please you?
How would you feel if he went out for a coffee with a female friend? Would he be able to say yes without you kicking off? Xx

Yes he actually spends lunch withmy ex female colleague.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread