To think this was unnecessary and 4 year olds don't need constant supervision.

[Butterflykissess]

This happened a little while ago but it's played on my mind since as it was really humiliating and I wondered what others thought. I was in my local shop paying at the self service machine. I was with my 4 children one being a baby in the pram. Kids were next to me at the machine but due to space i told them to wait out of the way a bit so people could pass. Space is tight due to the displays. A group of women were at the machine next to mine. I was just about to pay but my card wasn't registering in the machine, I was trying to figure out why when I heard crying. I turnt round to see it was my 4 year old, before I could even get a word out to call him over the woman next to me screamed "excuse me whose child is this" I said he's mine and called him over and asked if he was ok, at th at moment the other woman who was with the woman next to me, loudly went "she wasn't even watching him!" To which replied saying I turnt my back for a second to enter my pin, how am I suppose to watch 4 children and do my shopping at the same time. She said "normal mother s do! " I turned my back not wanting a confrontation, which she clearly was looking for and she repeated " normal mothers do" obviously looking for a reaction, I ignored her and they walked away still talking about it. Aib u for thinking this was totally ott. I haven't been in the shop since as I have anxiety anyway and now I think everyone will be judging me. Was I in the wrong for turning my back?

@PetulantPolecat
I haven't got my info from stats, just from friends and working on the labour ward. I see bigger and bigger families.

Stats are all different from different google sites. Like you say. But I was simply saying I know alot of big families.

What you need to realise OP is that pretty much every parent has been on the receiving end of these types of comments. Often made by people who don’t have kids or are so old they don’t remember the realities of having young kids. It’s like as soon as you become a parent you are up for being publicly scrutinised by these mean judgemental types.
It’s not kind, it’s not pleasant and it’s not necessary. But you can’t let it grind you down.
I’ve had a couple that I still remember. I called them revolting names in my head and left them to get on with their clearly miserable lives

Gosh if you're a bad parent then I'm absolutely terrible. I have 1 ds, he's 6 and accident prone.

One time I was riding a bicycle right next to him, up over the handle bars he went and grazed all of his face over the floor. He screamed. I cried. An ambulance was called and he looked a mess for weeks.

Another time I was right there, he was about 2, he put rubbish in the bin that wasn't closed properly, it opened on his head, full blood and a hospital trip.

Another time he was spinning around on the grass, again I was right there, and as I told him to stop, so he spun right into the bottom corner of a bin. Again another hospital trip. Stitched and now he has a bald spot.

Ignore the woman. Kids get hurt even when you're in arms length.

Oh there was another, he pushed his bike down a hill, I was right there again and was just about to grab him to stop it, was a second to late he slammed the bike into a small wall, it bounced back and whacked into his mouth. So much blood. And a black tooth now too. It happens.

That's true a lot of 4 yo s do play out with older siblings and people seem to have no problem with that. The ice cream fridge is literally at the end of the self check out and I was at the first one (of 3) it's a small shop (a coop) not a huge superstore.

Just to clarify I’ve never said you are a bad parent - I just answered your question - yes ‘most’ parents do watch their 4 years all the time in public still
Perhaps because you have older children you have different views to me - it’s normal to treat second, third siblings as if they are a bit older than they are
You can’t expect everyone to agree with you when you post on an Internet forum asking for views

In reality no parent of a 4 year old has an eye on them all the time. And they're lying if they say they do.

It's literally not possible to ensure the safety of your children at all times. I would also argue they need to learn about risk at an early age, making them entirely dependent on you can also be dangerous.

OP, you've done nothing wrong, totally sensible to leave your kids out of the way whilst you sort the shopping. Looking away for a few seconds isn't unreasonable. They're in a supermarket, not freeclimbing fgs.

@applesandpears56 you've conveniently ignored the OP's post saying that she wasn't a single mum when she had her 4 DC. Her partner left her. If you have a partner living with you, you then have the option of not taking all four with you.

I would suggest that you do as much shopping online as you can. I do now and it really does make life easier.

Ignore those stupid women and also ignore apples and pears. You did the right thing getting them to stand out of the way and there's not one 4 year old I know who will stand perfectly stock still while mum is paying for shopping!
Just ignore and move on. My 4 year old fell off a slide yesterday and I was standing almost right next to him and saw him fall. 4 year olds fall, they fidget, they bump into things, they knock things over. It's not like they were running riot down the aisles! You are a completely normal mother and doing a great job by the sounds of it. Please do not let these silly women get to you.

@petulantpolecat it's funny isn't it and maybe areas differ but I know more families with 4+ kids than with less. There are lots about. There are also many families who now only have 1 child.

I don't agree with pp who said you often treat second and third siblings as older than they are. I certainly don't, and think it very much depends on the child and their personality. I have 2 SN kids and they required watching like a hawk until about 9/10 everywhere they went. In the self serve areas it's far more annoying to have your kids right next to you as they fiddle with the scales and get in the way of other shoppers.

@applesandpears56 you may not have directly said that she was a bad parent, but you did say that you did not have 4 children because you wouldn't be able to keep an eye on them.

My 2 year old fell over next to me. I know my child. I let him get himself up. He wasn't crying. This woman rushed over appeared to trying and help him to his feet (he was already standing) brush his hands and see if he was okay. Then she gave me a dirty look and muttered something about young mothers (I'm 30)
He was fine!
My point is, people will always interfere and make judgements.
My 4 year old would have run off though. Why can't we as a society help single mums with 4 children, instead of making snap judgements. It's just ridiculous.
Don't worry about it OP.

Honestly ignore the haters. I do agree however that when you have lots of children (I have 4 too) that you have teach them to look out for each other all the time. I make mine hold hands all the time. Things like shopping are hard with all 4 and I avoid as much as possible.

"it’s normal to treat second, third siblings as if they are a bit older than they are*.....or perhaps it's about being more cautious than necessary with the first child.

Maybe it's a bit of both.

My second child gets much more space and also is much more independent.

You lot must be the 1% rich according to that article, it was a status thing among the rich having lots of kids and still working full time . Am joking, of course

But yes, I suspect it’s because in the area I live, you don’t get that many 4 beds homes. Well, you do but it’s the 2 proper beds, a loft conversion and a box room used as office.

Well he must have been messing about to fall over- he is not a toddler!! If he is messing about in a tight area he is putting other people at risk.At 4 years old he should be able to stand nicely for a minute or 2

@petulantpolecat I wish I was sadly just exceptionally fertile and blessed with a coil and a condom baby. But there you go. I sometimes think you notice other families like yours more? Maybe.
@cartcah100 yeh of course. All 4 yr olds are the same:

Carycach100

You haven't met my child then. Virtually impossible to stand still for any amount of time

@honeyishrunkthekid if only our 4 yr olds had read the manual that says that by 4 years old they should be able to stand nicely for a minute or two

If he is messing about in a tight area he is putting other people at risk.At 4 years old he should be able to stand nicely for a minute or 2

Depending on the location and mood he's in DH (who is 40) still can't be trusted to stand nicely for a minute or two.

I'm exaggerating (a very little), but 4 year olds are children with little or no regard for their own safety/security/welfare so of course they fiddle with things and meddle; it's how they're wired to learn.

Expecting all 4 year olds to do something simply because your 4 year old can seems off; my 12 year old can sail. Can I therefore assume I can throw all 12 year olds into the ocean and let them fend for themselves? They're different. They're good at some things, not so good at others. This whole "my child can" thing is utter dull shit.

I totally get OP moving kids out of way... I've moved my kids about that far away when they'll be in the way and they're in my line of sight, and I've only got 2, so I'd say OP was totally in her rights to do that.

Some people just think everyone should be as anxious as they are and that anything less is 'neglect', but they should keep their opinion to themselves. Just because a parent does something you wouldn't do doesn't mean they haven't, on some basic level, done a 'risk assessment' and decided, actually they are satisfied it is safe enough. Of course, for some people nothing less than kids clinging to a parent (read, 'mother') 24/7 is safe enough.

I do that kind of thing all the time OP, so do all mums of more than one. You didn’t do anything wrong and it is MADNESS to suggest you did.

Thinkingn about it more there is always chairs p at the end of various supermarkets next to me and I tell the kids to go and sit down so they are out of the way all the time. Most mum's do! Think it's my anxiety letting it get to me. He s 4 he can't stand perfectly still . He trips stood next to me at the bus stop not messing about!

Echobelly - you keep your opinion to yourself!
Why should anyone’s opinion be worth more than someone else’s? What a horrible thing to say that only you are allowed an opinion.