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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was unnecessary and 4 year olds don't need constant supervision.

128 replies

Butterflykissess · 28/05/2018 20:39

This happened a little while ago but it's played on my mind since as it was really humiliating and I wondered what others thought. I was in my local shop paying at the self service machine. I was with my 4 children one being a baby in the pram. Kids were next to me at the machine but due to space i told them to wait out of the way a bit so people could pass. Space is tight due to the displays. A group of women were at the machine next to mine. I was just about to pay but my card wasn't registering in the machine, I was trying to figure out why when I heard crying. I turnt round to see it was my 4 year old, before I could even get a word out to call him over the woman next to me screamed "excuse me whose child is this" I said he's mine and called him over and asked if he was ok, at th at moment the other woman who was with the woman next to me, loudly went "she wasn't even watching him!" To which replied saying I turnt my back for a second to enter my pin, how am I suppose to watch 4 children and do my shopping at the same time. She said "normal mother s do! " I turned my back not wanting a confrontation, which she clearly was looking for and she repeated " normal mothers do" obviously looking for a reaction, I ignored her and they walked away still talking about it. Aib u for thinking this was totally ott. I haven't been in the shop since as I have anxiety anyway and now I think everyone will be judging me. Was I in the wrong for turning my back?

OP posts:
applesandpears56 · 28/05/2018 23:28

I haven’t said she’s a terrible parent - I’ve no idea what kind of parent the op is
Just that if you choose to have 4 kids yes you should keep an eye on them and make sure they behave in public

Marriedwithchildren5 · 28/05/2018 23:35

Children being heard and not seen is pretty outdated these days. Some children even have a bit of spirit which can't be controlled!! Shock

applesandpears56 · 28/05/2018 23:37

There’s spirited and there’s climbing on/in a freezer in a shop which contains food other people want to eat

Storminateapot · 28/05/2018 23:42

It's already been made very clear that OP means her child fell against the freezer, not that he was climbing it and fell inside. Stop with your erroneous judgement apples
He was with older siblings too although obviously not standing cherubically polishing their halos at that moment as your children evidently always do.

It is impossible to not take your eye off children for a single second. Have you never looked down to put your pin in a machine and therefore for a few seconds not been obsessively staring at your children?

elliejjtiny · 28/05/2018 23:44

My nearly 4 year old needs 24/7 supervision unless he is asleep. My older dc didn't need that much supervision at 4 though.

OrangeShoes · 28/05/2018 23:44

My DC misbehave in public sometimes. I don't think it's ok, its bloody annoying if I'm trying to do something like pay for shopping, but it still happens. I usually assume there's a certain amount of empathy from other parents.

HeedMove · 28/05/2018 23:52

apple do you have a problem with comprehension and delusion? You can imagine the three kids standing misbehaving and climbing on the freezer. Even though op has said now numerous times he wasnt climbing AT ALL on it. He was stood beside it and tripped into the outside of it. Not fell in it. Wasnt on it. Wasnt climbing in or on it. Try imagine that.

applesandpears56 · 28/05/2018 23:54

The op couldn’t see her kids so had no idea what they were doing!

Storminateapot · 29/05/2018 00:02

You're just getting boring now, Yes they were where she could see them, but looked away for a few seconds to pay. I fail to see what's hard to understand about that.

Dancingtothebeat · 29/05/2018 00:07

Just that if you choose to have 4 kids yes you should keep an eye on them and make sure they behave in public

Clearly said by someone who has less kids than they have arms and eyes.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 29/05/2018 00:13

This is what I'm referring to. He is 4 he can't fit inside. He wasn't climbing he fell into the side of it which his siblings confirmed.

To think this was unnecessary and 4 year olds don't need constant supervision.
OP posts:
applesandpears56 · 29/05/2018 00:17

She didn’t look away for a few seconds to pay - she left them to go to self service check outs
Op - the ice cream stand isn’t relevant! It’s the fact you think a 4 year old doesn’t need supervising in public

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 29/05/2018 00:21

Showing how he can't fit into it. I was keeping my eye on them. The ice cream fridge is right by the check out. However when h card started playing up it obviously distracted my attention as it was either try to figure out what's wrong or leave my shopping and walk out. Starting to wonder if you were the woman in the shop Hmm just like my baby crying would distract my attention so I would take my eyes of the others. BuT must remember I "shouldn't have had 4"

OP posts:
Dancingtothebeat · 29/05/2018 00:31

She didn’t look away for a few seconds to pay - she left them to go to self service check outs

Which were in view except for when she briefly turned away.

She can’t win, if she’s kept them with her she’d be slammed for blocking the queue.

Dibbosteme · 29/05/2018 00:50

Just stop worrying about it. My son got into so many scrapes as a youngster, it would be impossible to recount all of them. He once dived into a decorative pond in a park in Jersey, fully clothed, because he thought it was a swimming pool.

I only had two children, but often ended up taking four kids out with me on a regular basis as DS and DD would each want a friend to come along. You could always guarantee there would be some sort of drama unfolding, we laugh about it all now they are grown up.

Dibbosteme · 29/05/2018 00:55

And if the store make any further comment about the incident, suggest that they carry out a full risk risk assessment on the ice-cream freezer. After all if a child can fall into it, then it obviously isn't safe!

PetulantPolecat · 29/05/2018 00:58

“If most “normal” people see anyone out with 4 kids in tow we’re thinking “hero”.

Are we? I’m thinking childminder. I know plenty of people with 3 kids but I don’t know a single person with 4.

Puttingthefootdown · 29/05/2018 07:06

@applesandpears56
I actually don't believe for one second you have an eye on your child at all times.
Some people dont choose 4 children. I took precautions but contraception failed twice.

So now I've had my tubes tied. What should I have done? Fgs you really are too judgey! Life isn't perfect and people are human.

Yes there are shit parents that will leave there children out running wild. But that is not the OP.
I've known 4-5 year olds to play out alone which I think is ridiculous. So to judge something like this is quite laughable!

Puttingthefootdown · 29/05/2018 07:07

I know plenty of people with 4 children. More people are having bigger families these days.

Lweji · 29/05/2018 07:14

Don't worry.

It's not as if you got distracted a few seconds and spotted your very young child about to walk out of the door, in a public space, after a group of total strangers.
Blush

mancmummy1414 · 29/05/2018 07:17

Urgh what a sanctimonious twat. I’d have told her that, too.
‘Normal mothers’ help each other out when they can see they are struggling, not stand there bitching and judging.

PS lol at the ice cream fridge!! That’s definitely something my DS would do

PetulantPolecat · 29/05/2018 07:25

sorry to derail, but just wondered where you’re getting your info from Puttinfthefoot? Is it personal observation or stats? I just read the opposite in that while there’s more 4+ kid families in U.K., the average family size is shrinking. Mind you, it’s the first click off google, so wondered if there was something more recent I missed.

“Immigration - and an apparent trend for the very wealthy to have more babies - has left Britain with some of the largest families in 40 years.

The UK is now home to more families containing four or more children than at any time since the early 1970s.

The trend comes at the same time as the average family size is shrinking. It suggests parents are becoming increasing divided between the haves and have-nots, with only children, and multiple births, becoming more common at the expense of the two-child nuclear family.“

FittonTower · 29/05/2018 07:28

My 4 year old was stood right next to me (at a self checkout funnily enough) when he somehow managed to fall to the floor and scrape his leg. I was watching him, but the magic power of my eyes didn't stop it happening. He's an absolute liability tbough bless him.
But, i only have 2 children so i assume these women and some of the sanctimonious twats on this thread would be fine with his injury.....
Mine are 4 and 6, i know where they are when I'm in charge but they're not constantly at my side. Even when they are they usually end up injured anyway. Crack on OP, and remeber that some people are idiots and their oppinion is best ignored.

Frazzled2207 · 29/05/2018 08:16

The woman was rude.

I know what it's like in the self-checkout zone, I had two of mine have a tantrum in the middle of it recently Shockpersonally find it easier to supervise the kids in the conveyor belt aisles.

I do think you should have, ideally, put an older child in charge of your 4yo though.

Frazzled2207 · 29/05/2018 08:18

Btw when my kids did have a meltdown in the self checkout zone, a lovely mum (I assume, though she didn't have kids with her) approached me and offered to carry my shopping into the car

I bet she's a mumsnetter - thank you, again, if you're here.