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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was unnecessary and 4 year olds don't need constant supervision.

128 replies

Butterflykissess · 28/05/2018 20:39

This happened a little while ago but it's played on my mind since as it was really humiliating and I wondered what others thought. I was in my local shop paying at the self service machine. I was with my 4 children one being a baby in the pram. Kids were next to me at the machine but due to space i told them to wait out of the way a bit so people could pass. Space is tight due to the displays. A group of women were at the machine next to mine. I was just about to pay but my card wasn't registering in the machine, I was trying to figure out why when I heard crying. I turnt round to see it was my 4 year old, before I could even get a word out to call him over the woman next to me screamed "excuse me whose child is this" I said he's mine and called him over and asked if he was ok, at th at moment the other woman who was with the woman next to me, loudly went "she wasn't even watching him!" To which replied saying I turnt my back for a second to enter my pin, how am I suppose to watch 4 children and do my shopping at the same time. She said "normal mother s do! " I turned my back not wanting a confrontation, which she clearly was looking for and she repeated " normal mothers do" obviously looking for a reaction, I ignored her and they walked away still talking about it. Aib u for thinking this was totally ott. I haven't been in the shop since as I have anxiety anyway and now I think everyone will be judging me. Was I in the wrong for turning my back?

OP posts:
sosadforhim · 28/05/2018 21:35

My ds always went off to sit in the photograph booth at that age. It was also at the end of the checkouts. One day he ran away down the aisles because he forgot where I was - a few metres away! The checkout lady told me she spotted him running away when she saw me panicking at the end. I didn't sense a bit of judgement and she said children do it all the time. The woman was being an arse - ignore.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 28/05/2018 21:39

Had to Google katrice Lee as never heard of her but not sure of the relevance. He's 4 not a toddler. He's never been a runner and certainly wouldn't go off with anyone. Besides he was stood with his older siblings.

OP posts:
robotcartrainhat · 28/05/2018 21:41

YANBU some people are just on one. I got some flack in a park once when my 2.5 yo son was playing down the hill slightly from me.... completely in my sight as it was a big field (and all completely fenced in) I was just sat on a bench.. he never left my line of sight.... but some random woman came and stood right next to him and started looking about in a weird way... so I went over and she said 'oh goodness me where have you been hes been all on his own poor little mite, ive been watching him, anyone could have taken him'......

Anerak · 28/05/2018 21:42

You're doing a great job. Most mother's have an average of 2 children in the UK so would have no idea of the reality of having to look after 4 children at the same time. Take no notice, you rose above it well by ignoring

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 28/05/2018 21:46

Katrice was from my area, sad story Sad.
I have been single with 4 dc and its hard, don't take judgement op, but please keep your dc close. ...
Flowers

Mammalamb · 28/05/2018 21:50

If you kept them right next to you, someone would have found something to moan about. Ignore her. Judgemental besom

InionEile · 28/05/2018 21:52

4 year olds shouldn't need constant supervision but there is a law of the universe that says they will be absolutely safe and fine until the exact nanosecond that you take your eye off them to do something else and then they will fall into an ice-cream freezer / trip on their own feet / walk into a door / etc. It's just the way it is with kids that age.

Going shopping with all 4 kids is a fairly ambitious undertaking, to be honest! Unless your older ones are responsible enough to keep an eye on the 4-year old then it's probably better to just get your shopping done when they're in school and just take the baby or even 4-year old + baby would be fine. If you're stuck for something in an emergency, then order online. You're making life difficult for yourself taking all your kids with you on errands.

Those women next to you sound like idiots but there are plenty of people like them so I think you did the right thing to just ignore them and leave.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 28/05/2018 21:52

I could have but others wouldn't be able to fit through. Very narrow. So that's what they would have complained about next. I'm guessing I should never take them to the part either then as impossible to be watching all 4 at once.

OP posts:
Marriedwithchildren5 · 28/05/2018 21:54

I had a moment today when an absent parent left their toddler to chase a very irrate duck around our picnic table! Caused chaos with my very nervous dd8 who is convinced the duck may eat her! (Not an issue. We're working on it!) I was very vocal about the stray child!

You sound like you turned your back for a second. I'd have picked said child out of the freezer for you (I know he wasn't but I read it as that!)

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 28/05/2018 21:55

I do order online but occasionally run out of things before I can do another shop. The shops right by our house so I sometimes pop in after school if I haven't had time to do it whilst the older 2 are at school.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 28/05/2018 21:58

A similar thing happened last n our Sainsbury local. It’s so bloody tight for space that the kids had to stand away from the previous and the little girl caught her hand as she spun round. I offerd to stand with her kids while she finished checking out. It wasn’t hard, I didn’t have to dig deep. Certainly didn’t feel like shaming herHmm.
Sorry you weren’t standing next to a nicer person op.
It’s really about her not you. Let her go and let yourself move on.

IvysMum12 · 28/05/2018 21:59

YANBU.
I was a perfect mother until I had children!

stayathomer · 28/05/2018 22:00

I have 4 and it is hard at checkouts but as above you just have to give the younger ones something to do and bribe bribe bribe!!! I'm not sure you should have sent your 4yo to the side with the others and tbh I don't think you could have been fully watching them even up to putting the pin in but that woman was ridiculous! Your sister shouldn't have said not to bring them out, they're your kids, they're like an extension of your arms and legs, of course they should come with you! My youngest isn't in school yet but I try to do any shopping etc when as many as possible are in school. You're doing great op and the fridge thing is brilliant!! Significant that woman being stuck up if she didn't even giggle, though actually hope your 4yowas ok?

Justwanttoweeinpeace · 28/05/2018 22:02

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

Really? Katrice Lee is a terrible thing that happened but millions and millions of 4yos are out of their parents sight for a minute or two every day and they all make it home just fine.

Proportionate risk; how many times have they been next to an ice cream freezer without anyone falling into it?

Boredandtired · 28/05/2018 22:02

I've been in a similar situation and it is unavoidable, and also why should you not go out anywhere because you have small children... my advice would be to never take that many to the self serve, (mine usually sit in the scale repeatedly which just annoys people as well) I would queue at a kiosk or where you are served as it's easier to keep an eye on them. Even with older children helping and doing your best, things will happen. When things like this happen I just focus on my kids and ignore any comments but apologise to anyone who they've got in the way off or staff.

applesandpears56 · 28/05/2018 22:07

Most mums do watch their 4 years and not let them out of their sight in a public place yes

applesandpears56 · 28/05/2018 22:09

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Todayissunny · 28/05/2018 22:09

If he had fallen over when standing next to you they would have found something to blame you for.
Where I live 4 y.o. walk to school alone - including my own.

Cherrysherbet · 28/05/2018 22:09

The woman was rude. The 'normal mothers' comment was nasty. YANBU

Eesha · 28/05/2018 22:09

I seriously cant believe someone would be as confrontational as this. Just rise above it and try and carry on as before, a decent person would see a mother who has her hands full and wouldnt think to comment.

I dont know if this makes a difference but i would have felt upset like you, however im someone who wouldnt want to be confrontational. My ex would have got into a full on fight with this woman had he heard that rather than let her upset him and question himself. So i guess im saying, try not to let her words get to you, you are doing a great job.

MrsSarahSiddons · 28/05/2018 22:09

YANBU these women were cowbags and so is your sister tbh. I found it hard enough with three (not single mum but had to do most of it on my own) and four would be so much harder. Try to shrug it off, and to be honest the freezer invasion was quite funny so don't give it another thought.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 28/05/2018 22:13

Yes "perhaps" I should put them up for adoption then or put them back where they came from? Can't help that my ex ran off and left me with 4 kids.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 28/05/2018 22:15

applesandpears56 sanctimonious much?

IAmMatty · 28/05/2018 22:15

Of course we all want to watch our kids closely but sometimes we need to use our eyes for other stuff.

If people judge others for letting their kids stand ten feet away from them, that's pretty depressing. He's a kid not a land mine.

OP, she was a dick. Forget it Thanks

IAmMatty · 28/05/2018 22:16

@applesandpears56 get a grip Angry