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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that sometimes a new partners income should be considered by CMS?

515 replies

LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 14:05

My ex hasnt seen our kids in 2 years, or paid a penny in 18 months. This includes birthdays and Christmas. School residential trips, school uniforms, childcare, activities, everything they need is paid for solely by myself. My ex quit his well paid job to live off some inheritance rather than pay for his kids. He said this was the reason for quitting his job.

6 months ago he entered a new relationship, where he now is a sahp to her two young children whilst she works full time. This arrangement has happened for he past 4 months. He is saving her a lot in childcare fees by staying at home and avoiding working so he doesnt have to pay his own. They have a good set up with extra from tax credits and enough to go on a summer holiday together.

Now aside from the morals of allowing a man you have known for 6 months to care full time for your children, she is well he is a father to 3 other children he has no contact or financial support for.

Am i wrong in thinking their household income should be considered by CMS? As it stands, as he has no taxable income, he is on a nil rate.

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 27/05/2018 14:07

As someone whose ex doesn't pay for our 4 children i still think no it should be.

MissStegosaurus · 27/05/2018 14:08

Its shitty what he's done to you but she has no responsibility to pay towards your children. I think that's what they should do is be able to pursue non paying nrps through the courts as they do in America.

MsMarvel · 27/05/2018 14:08

I understand why you are annoyed, but no. Its his income not hers.

He is chosing to be a dick and not pay for his children. But he was avoiding doig that before this new woman came along.

She is under no obligation to give you money.

Your issue is with him not her,

Metoodear · 27/05/2018 14:10

Why the hell not my husbands income is counted in any dealings such as legal aid

SmashedMug · 27/05/2018 14:10

Yabu. I'd be more interested in a system that makes paying a minimum amount a legal requirement and so an NRP who doesn't work would have to look for work to support their child in the same way a RP would have to.

HerRoyalNotness · 27/05/2018 14:10

No, but there should be a mechanism to make people that live off savings/inheritance pay. In Canada/US if the nrp quits their job or purposely takes a lower paying job, they have to pay the same amount they were regardless

MrsDylanBlue · 27/05/2018 14:11

My ex and his wife have their own business and he used to put most of the income in her name to avoid paying me what he should.

I still think no though I would not like to feel I was paying for DH kids.

AmazingPostVoices · 27/05/2018 14:12

He sounds dreadful but I’m a bit confused, why should her income be used to pay for your children? They aren’t her responsibility.

Would you want to pay for a new partner’s children?

You know a lot of about his finances given you haven’t seen him for two years.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 14:12

Everything else household income is considered. University etc, the earning of everyone who lives in the household is considered. Then they are considered financially responsible for a partner offspring. But this is considered ok? Knowingly setting up a situation to avoid paying for them. If he wasnt earning and living off the inheritance then fair enough. But thats gone. They live as a family unit now with a shared household income.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 14:13

Im not saying she should pay. Im saying a calculation for cms should be made off household income not just the fathers.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2018 14:13

He sounds like a total twat but no, the only people responsible for your shared children are him and you. She didn’t make them. She’s responsible for her own children.

It’s shit he’s so useless and I can see why you’re so angry but they’re still not her kids.

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 14:14

I also think no.

I believe any nrp who makes a decision that will negatively affect the financial responsibility they have to their children is a complete shit though.

SmashedMug · 27/05/2018 14:15

Everything else household income is considered. University etc, the earning of everyone who lives in the household is considered

Maybe that's the problem. Everyone in the household shouldn't be considered for lots of things that they are rather than the other way round.

Eastcoastmost · 27/05/2018 14:16

Don’t understand why they can’t have a system like in the US where people aren’t allowed to renew their driving licenses if they owe child support. And anything owed is taken from wages automatically.

sirlee66 · 27/05/2018 14:16

He has been with his girlfriend for less than a year... Hardly a long-term, secure relationship.

I could sympathise if they were a well established family: I.e. married, jointly owned their home and had been together for years and years.

But IMO, it's not her fault your ex is a deadbeat who won't pay for his first set of kids... Her finances should be kept completely separate to you and your children. Sorry, OP.

LunaTrap · 27/05/2018 14:17

I agree with you- if he is a SAHP then surely it is all family money? I bet 'her' money pays for his food, bills, TV package etc. Why shouldn't his obligations to feed his children be calculated in their bills?

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 14:17

@sirlee66 long enough for her to leave her kids with him 9 hours a day 5 days a week

OP posts:
AnnettePrice · 27/05/2018 14:18

If another child (more outgoings) being in the nrp household changes CMS, then if more income into NRP household should also be taken into consideration.

Seems it’s always stacked against the rp. Maybe because it’s usually women and definitely never someone in gov.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 27/05/2018 14:18

Nope sorry, the ins and outs of their lives is nothing to do with you. He’s a shit dad and I’m sure (sadly) that will become apparent soon enough but no, her income shouldn’t pay for your children.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2018 14:18

What if your ex was paying child support but you got a rich partner who moved in and he said actually, your household income has now increased and you no longer require his contribution as your DP is putting loads in?

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 14:19

I'm sorry no, I also don't think his girlfriend should pay for your children.

I do understand why you are angry with what he is doing, and yes it is very wrong, but that still doesn't mean any new partners he lives with should be paying for your children.

Butterflykissess · 27/05/2018 14:19

He sounds like a total twat but no, the only people responsible for your shared children are him and you. She didn’t make them. She’s responsible for her own children

Not actually true as far as cms goes. If a man moves in with a woman with children his cms can be reduced even if they are not his kids so I can sort of see where the op is coming from.

LunaTrap · 27/05/2018 14:20

Why is it her income and not joint income as is usually the case when one person is a SAHP?

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 14:22

@AnneLovesGilbert our household income is already a lot higher than theres as i work full time as does my new partner (who i have been with 3 years, met the kids after a year, and moved in another year later). However i have outgoings such as childcare that make it harder, live in a bigger house in a better area for schools so higher rent etc. He shouldnt be allowed to chose to not pay for his children and live off someone else wage regardless of what my income is. They are his children too

OP posts:
Metoodear · 27/05/2018 14:23

If the cSa,mediation service and tax credits take into account my husbands income why don’t they take into account his wifes

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