Hi I'm a mother of 5, my ex partner has stopped me from having contact with my three youngest children. This is destroying me and I honestly don't know what to do. Details below
In 2016 I had a mental breakdown which caused me to be unable to care for my children so instead of social services removing them from my care I placed my children in the care of their fathers. My eldest two with my ex husband and my youngest three with their dad my ex partner.
I was having regular contact with all my children but I was unable to have them overnight due to my living arrangements, but everyone knew and understood. Then in Feb of 2017 I started living with my new partner. Although my mental health was getting better I was now having other health problems which put me in hospital for nearly a month.
October 2017 I was diagnosed with a rare lung disease which is life limiting and also terminal.
Due to this condition I find it very difficult to not only look after myself but I also find the most easiest of tasks nearly impossible.
So down to my problem. Me ex partner (father to my three babies) has decided to stop me from seeing my children. He over the last few months has made some demands of which I cannot accommodate. Things were ok the beginning of this yeah when I was helping hi m and his new partner out with money, furniture etc, this wasn't just for my children it was for them too.
Just before Easter things started to get really bad, I was unable to help them as much financially and was having difficulty getting to my children (who he had moved 40 miles away from me the July before) and because they were now without a car they were demanding that my partner pick the children up and drop them off. My partner had no problems in doing this but it put a lot of strain on him as he works 6 day a week and around 12 hours a day.
I told my ex that we would have to sort something else out due to the strain it was not only putting on my ex but also on my health. My children are not the best behaved atm due to them being allowed to practically what they wanted for so long after moving in with their father.
That's when the demand for money started, I was informed that I should be paying maintenance for my children and therefore he wanted £40 off me. I have no problem whatsoever about helping my children with anything, but there was no way I was giving my ex partner money for my children when he wasn't intending to spend it on them.
It was also demanded that I have my children every other weekend from Friday until Sunday, which I would love to but purely and simply my health doesn't allow me to. After having my children for a few hours wears me out to the point I could actually sleep for a day trying to recover.
The arguments went back and forth over days via messages and telephone calls, my children (aged 7,6&4) were all in formed by their father that I wasn't seeing them until I did what he asked and my children were then on the phone to me questioning why I wasn't doing what their dad was asking. Now try telling 3 young children that I am poorly to the point of I'm dying is not something I want to do. So I explained it the best I could which then made me look to be the bad parent.
Eventually we came to an agreement that I would have my babies once a month from Friday until the Sunday, my ex would bring them to me and I would get them back. I also said I would buy my daughters gluten free food (of which they were not doing because 'they could not afford it')
Well this happened once at the beginning of May. My babies were then due to see me the weekend after the May bank holiday.
During one of my daily calls to my children my ex told me that the pair of shoes I had brought my daughter only two months before (because her father couldn't afford any) were broken. So I said well I'm sorry but you get their money so you can buy them.
I then received a message after tell me how out of order I was and that he has now decided I need to not only give him £40 a month and have my children every other weekend otherwise I was no lingering seeing them.
So here it goes again, he is doing it all over again. I'm on PIP because of my illness but nothing else as my partner works full time, I have tried explaining this to him but all he says is well you may not have to but should want to pay for your kids. Now as much as I would love to I just cannot afford it. My partner works but has to take time off when I really ill, such as the week before this all happened I was in hospital for a week and he had to have the week off work.
To my ex I'm being unreasonable because I wont give him the money he wants and I wont have my children.
I would love nothing more to be able to have my children more often. I would love not to be ill and have them back with me, but unfortunately we don't always get what we want.
My ex had previously told me that when I am towards the end he will not allow my children to see me, and if I want to see them I will have to make my way to them and take them out.
My children hear everything that goes on in their house, they know when me and their father are arguing and they know the ins and outs of whats going on because he or his new partner tells them, but they always make out that I'm the one who doesn't want to see them when that's not the case at all.#
My 6 year old daughter once said to me after I became too ill to have them overnight that 'I should be ashamed of myself' now you tell me what 6 year old would actually come out with that.
My ex doesn't work and has never been able to hold down a job for more than 6 month, his partner is on benefits so my children are now questioning me why my partner cant be here when I have them. Ive explained that its because he is working and they then ask well why is he working. They don't even know what it really means to see someone working because their dad has never really worked since they were born.
Not only does my ex receive Child Benefit and Child Tax Credits for my children, they also receive ESA full housing and council tax benefit and yet still cannot survive and provide everything they should for my children.
So in summery my ex partner has stopped me from seeing my children because I wont have them more than I'm capable of having them and because I wont give him an extra £40 ontop of the money I give him for the gluten free foods of which I'm paying for when I shouldn't have to.
I really need some help and advices as to what I can do. Both myself and my babies father have parental responsibility
Any advice will be gratefully received but please if you are going to criticise don't, I do enough of that to myself without having strangers doing it to
TIA x