Inheritance (or lack of). I know. Risky.

[brokeandsad]

I've name changed for this as potentially outing and, well, a bit vulgar.

I know being hacked off at a lack of inheritance or parental help is generally frowned upon and broadly I agree. I'm wondering if it's ever right to feel like there has been an injustice in these matters and, more importantly, if there's anything one can do about it.

This concerns DHs family rather than mine. Which makes it feel extra awkward.

MIL was given a house at a very young age by her parents. It was a wreck and over time she's worked hard to make it amazing. Credit to her. Her house in now worth upwards of 500k. She has a very small mortgage that they used to extend/renovate. Neither she or her partner of 20 years work. They're not yet state retirement age (one is a long way off).

MIL is set to inherit an awful lot from the house sale of two older relatives, both in their late 90s.

One of these relatives has extensively talked to DH about how, when he dies, his money will help us with the deposit for our first house. He's very keen that we buy because he thinks renting is insecure and a waste of money. All his money + house sale will be left to MIL and he fully expects her to use it to help herself and help out her three children, all of them in their 30s and only one of them a home owner already.

MIL has told us in no uncertain terms that any money she inherits will be used to pay off her mortgage and the rest invested to cover any future care costs for her. DH has been told that he will have to wait "his turn" like she did.

I'm a bit bummed at again being faced with the reality that we probably won't ever be able to afford our own house, mostly because we have children and renting brings it's complications re schools etc.

Mostly I feel really uncomfortable that elderly relative and MIL seem to have very different ideas on what any inheritance will be used for. I can only think that she has lied to him, or at least been economical with the truth. I feel really awkward whenever either of them talk about money as it all seems so disingenuous and sad.

DH is similarly frustrated by our own financial circumstances (which, incidentally, we are both working very hard to turn around) but actually quite upset that his elderly relative has wishes that he thinks will be honoured but won't, and his mother is lying to everyone.

Am I BU for being frustrated by the awkwardness of it all, sad about DPs relationship with his family and cross that an old person is possibly being a bit deceived? Am I being incredibly selfish? What can we do to make the whole situation ok (it being OK isn't dependant on us getting any money, but people being honest with us and each other).

I'm awaiting a bit of a bashing but want genuine opinions please.

The only way to resolve this is by talking to elderly relative. The alternative is not to say anything and continue festering in bitterness and resentment. A sudden change in the will could be scrutinised or challenged; i.e. if elderly relative is deemed to have changed it under duress or coercion. Either way, fuck it and just come out with the truth to ER. Neither option will be particularly palatable to all involved but this is your only chance.

You should tell the relative. It's ER's property and if they want your DH to benefit they should leave him a bequest.

Maybe ER is telling your DH that he is going to get it and your MIL that she is going to get it?

Your ER needs to make it explicit in his will. Sometimes people do contest a will based on conversations with the deceased but it's very expensive and hard to prove and tears a family apart.

You could say to ER if he brings it up that MIL has always said she would use money for her care and that no one would inherit until she dies and let him mull on it
.

That’s a possibility, RideOn. The extensive discussion is very odd.

The poor man isn't even dead yet and look at all the grasping going on.

You chose to have children before getting on the property ladder, not sure why you feel others should now pay for a house or deposit for you. You're able bodied, if home ownership means that much to you then work extra hours, take a second job etc.

We did make that decision. I don't feel entitled to anything. You dont know how little or how much we work. It's not really relevant.

If ER and MIL hadn't brought this up it would never have occured to us. I don't have family who have ever had anything so I don't kbow whats normal and what's not.

Providig for his family really seems to be one of ERs greatest remaining joys. Its talked about a lot, and not because anyone else brings it up. It makes us all feel pretty odd tbh. Thats why no one has ever said anything.

You’re grasping and greedy. It’s not even your family!! Keep your sticky beak out.

Mil’s money is hers and it’s up to her what she does with it.

I feel this kind of thread is rather sad. I hope my children won't feel I owe them because we will rely our house to support ourselves when we are too old to work. We didn't get any inheritance, we paid everything we have ourselves.

So if MIL gives you her inheritance are YOU happy to have her come live with you if she cant afford a care home?

Agree with the last few posts. You should earn own keep and feel grateful if anything extra comes your way. Then again some people get dragged through courts for this.

I think you should ignore all the idiots here on here who like to be on their moral high ground, just to sneer upon the genuinely needy posters like yourself OP.
in your circumstances, there are two siblings who will face missing out on a life changing sim of money just because of someone deceiving the person who wants them to have that money.

Your DH should discuss it with their relative to make sure they will states clearly that he and his sibling are to receive the deposit they need.
Sod the MIL. She doesn't deserve respect if she is deciding her own elderly parents/relatives for money.

Mayb MIL finds her DIL to be greedy so plans to look after herself rather than give it to her.

I’ve said on another thread recently I’m glad I have a sole beneficiary.
There’s so many threads on mn about injustice over inheritance. If the elderly relative wants your dh to have the money then they should have specified in their will, which they may have done but as they are still alive you don’t know for sure

sad about an old person possibly being deceived

He’s written the will himself (and you actually don’t know what’s in it).
If he was so intent on you having it; he’d will it to you.
Maybe he talks about it so much because he’s lonely, and it gets you all buzzing round him?
He could well be laughing up his sleeve at the lot of you, having left it to a cats home.

And for everyone saying they will need their own home to provide care costs, have you realised how much the wages:house price ratio has changed since you bought and worked hard to make your house worth 10times more than it really was? Oh hang on... the house wasn't working hard. You weren't smart. the housing market went out of control and you were at the positive side of this. Get over it and stop sneering at people of this generation who are paying the price for that.

I do not think bringing it up with er will go down well!!

Just wait and see if you get anything if you do fab if no so what you didn't have it to start with.

If he's of sound mind he will undestand how a will works! He just needs to name your partner as a beneficiary if that what he wants. If not that's up to him.

I also think your mils property being 500k isn't anything to do with you and tbh is not such a great deal of money anyway for a house anymore. It's really none of your affair.

I think you need to tell the elderly relative your MILs plans.

ER needs to be made aware that MIL has no intention of helping anyone but herself. What they do after that is up to them.

Please tell the relative that mil has no plans to divert his inheritance.

I think it is shameful that he has clearly entrusted her with his estate

You could mention that you had discussed this with MiL and she has stated her intention is not to share the estate

Tell him you have been hesitant about raising it but thought he should know

There's nothing you can do about but it's shitty. I am in a similar situation. We pay huge rent but my dad is reasonably wealthy. However, he's made it clear his money is for him. If mum was still alive it would be different. People are just selfish.

Providig for his family really seems to be one of ERs greatest remaining joys. Its talked about a lot, and not because anyone else brings it up. It makes us all feel pretty odd tbh. Thats why no one has ever said anything

Please do tell him then. In mils case, she's pretty cushty as is?! ER wants you to be able to benefit and move on as a family, if dh won't say it, then maybe you should.

On hearing that my parent's had a major house fire with no insurance the first thing my db said when I phoned to tell him was "but thats our inheritance". I feel sick at that thought, its theirs nit ours. Dp's are actually selling up and pissing off to Europe to hopefully spend their last penny/moments.

P.S db has now married a VERY popular/wealthy london barrister

Right. I thought I might get slaughtered and I'm not surprised at being told to keep my sticky beak out. I have not put my beak in, but it's been rather dragged in despite my efforts to the contrary.

And here goes. The baby boomers have had the best of everything and mugged the rest of us off. You might not like it, and you might be the exception to the rule, but it's true.

People who bought (or who were given) houses 20, 30 years ago that have risen in value so out of line with wages, you have not achieved anything. You got bloody lucky. You aren't savvy, or responsible, or wise. You got lucky.

You got the best public services this country may ever know. You benefited from free university education, living grants, great out of work benefits, strong unions, economic growth. You've got generous private pensions, state pensions, winter fuel allowance, free public transport...

I'm expecting to have none of these things. We probably won't ever own our own home. We are professionals with decent jobs, we live in the north west, but the housing market still prices us out. Our rented house is mouldy and damp. We can't afford to move right now because the cost of heating is crippling us. The roof leaks. If we had a deposit what we pay in rent would buy is a bigger, dryer house in a better area with better schools. Our rent means we can't save for a deposit. We will have to work into our 70s or 80s. There may not be an NHS to speak of by then. We probably won't be able to support our son through university. His earning potential will be affected by that. We're all going to be on a treadmill forever which will eventually amount to nothing.

This is the reality for lots of people my age. Our parents don't owe us anything. We're adults. But they benefited from the state in a way we never will. Anyone other than the upper middle class are being punished for being poor in a way previous generations weren't. Regardless of our particular situation, for any generation to pull the drawbridge up on their own offspring and say "fend for yourselves" is pretty cruddy in my opinion.

Now do your worst.

At least she's planning on it paying for her care. My mum inherited thousands and thousands. She blew the lot. Her house is falling apart and when she does pass away, the little it is worth will be split between five kids. I am definitely not relying on any inheritance coming my way. I'll just do what most do, earn my own money and provide for my child now and in the future.

caithuait or maybe he knows you need to stand on your own feet? You DO NOT have to stay there do you?