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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask our British sisters for help?

329 replies

Hideandgo · 25/05/2018 09:35

Repeal the 8th. You may not have a vote today but if you are willing, could you show support for the yes vote for us Irish women on social media? I’m sure many of you have Irish friends and if it encourages just one more person not to forget to vote it would be worth it.

I had a termination when I was 22 and felt deeply shocked and less than human when the Irish nurse told me ‘we don’t do that here’ when I asked about my choices. Luckily I was living abroad (just coincidently at home when I found out) so had one as soon as I got back to the country I was living in but I avoided tying myself to an increasingly abusive man who would have been able to take my baby from me and force me out of the country if he’d wished.

I credit my 4 beautiful children, my kind, supportive husband and my freedom to be the kind of Mum I always wanted to be from that decision.

So many Irish women have a loaded gun to their heads when they find out they are pregnant and it’s wrong to force them to become a Mum. This doesn’t even take into account all the mishandled miscarriages and devastating cases of foetal abnormality. Every woman is vulnerable to a miscarriage that doesn’t resolve immediately and Irish women have been forced to hold on to a dying heartbeat till they themselves have septicaemia and/or PTSD. It’s barbaric and wrong. And makes women feel useless and dehumanised.

Please help us.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
heateallthebuns · 25/05/2018 14:39

Yeah healthcare professionals would still be able to have conscientious objection to providing abortions I think.

MiggeldyHiggins · 25/05/2018 14:42

Almost certainly be able to opt out, except in emergency situations where they are obliged to treat the patient in front of them. It's likely that there will only be a couple of clinics where it will be available anyway and people will have to choose to work their.

LoveInTokyo · 25/05/2018 14:46

nothing to do with anyone but the Irish population - their laws, their decision. What help do you think will make a difference?

Go and tell that to the no campaign and see if they're willing to return all the funding they've had from pro birth* groups in America.

(*If they were pro life rather than just pro birth they would actually do something to support mothers who decide to continue with crisis pregnancies and raise unplanned children who may be the product of rape or have a serious, life-limiting disability.)

RuggerHug · 25/05/2018 14:47

I came on for the first time in a while to see what was said here. Am honestly all over the gaff emotionally today. Campaigned, leafleted, poured my heart out and listened so much about this I am exhausted. Things like reading about the ferry waiting to take home voters, the home to vote hashtag and the general loveliness from all over has made a very tough time a bit easier.

Thank you everyone who has showed support,
With love from a grateful Irishwoman.

ReluctantCamper · 25/05/2018 14:49

keeping my fingers crossed for humanity to prevail today Flowers

toomuchtooold · 25/05/2018 14:52

nothing to do with anyone but the Irish population - their laws, their decision

Why shouldn't I feel solidarity with an Irish woman who needs an abortion? We're all women.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 25/05/2018 14:54

You have my support today

Tartsamazeballs · 25/05/2018 14:55

I read something on twitter earlier that was really poignant. It was that the solidarity, sisterhood and noise of the journeys of those going #hometovote is the exact opposite of the silence, shame and solitude of the ladies that have faced the journey going the opposite way.

Good luck to all those men and women who are voting today. This can't be an easy time for anyone who has made the journey or been scared and denied an abortion that they've needed for whatever reason and I can only imagine that there must be a lot of raw emotions at the moment either way you're voting so be kind to each other x

LoveInTokyo · 25/05/2018 14:56

[i]Why shouldn't I feel solidarity with an Irish woman who needs an abortion? We're all women.[/i]

Exactly. And in any case, we shouldn't take the rights we currently have for granted.

If the powerful anti-abortion organisations get a taste of success in Ireland, who's to say they won't channel their resources into trying to limit or remove abortion rights currently existing in other countries?

I know it's fiction, but watching The Handmaid's Tale always makes me think you can't afford to get complacent. Rights you take for granted today could be taken away from you tomorrow if you're not paying attention.

mikeyssister · 25/05/2018 15:01

A lot of people have thought long and hard about how to vote in this election. We've checked facts and tried to find informed opinion.

Personally, I've struggled to reach a decision because I believe that a foetus is a baby, and for me abortion is wrong.

I voted this morning and I'm at peace with my decision.

If the referendum isn't passed please don't assume it's because we're a backward or uneducated country or that the Catholic Church is holding sway. I was truly surprised at how quiet the Church has been this time. I was also surprised at the number of otherwise liberal people who are voting no. Hopefully, we can move on as a country amd not tear ourselves apart whichever way the vote goes.

As Jesus said "Let he who is free from sin......"

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 25/05/2018 15:01

My support coming to you from Germany. And agree with a PP. This has everything to do with me as I am a woman.

Here in Germany we have what is on the one hand a frustrating and at some level slightly farcical fudge - abortion being explicitly still 'unlawful', but 'not prosecutable' under a certain set of circumstances (up to 14 weeks, woman attends impartial counselling at least 3 days before the procedure, limit longer for rape or FFA) but on the other hand means that termination is available, mostly, for those who need it. I have never had one, but, without going into detail, there was a point early in one of my pregnancies where it made a difference to me to know that the option was there. Someone posted a thread this morning that you can't ban abortion, only safe abortion. I would add to that: ...and abortion with compassion and dignity.

Everything crossed for a yes.

LoveInTokyo · 25/05/2018 15:04

As Jesus said "Let he who is free from sin......"

I am unclear about what this has to do with the rest of your post.

MiggeldyHiggins · 25/05/2018 15:05

If the referendum isn't passed please don't assume it's because we're a backward or uneducated country or that the Catholic Church is holding sway

If it isn't passed its because too many people want to control womens choices and don't care that the 8th amendment has killed women. Its because too many people are happy to export our problem, because its ok for women to have abortions as long as its as hard as possible on them and they suffer for it. If it isn't passed its because too many people are still trying to impose their own morals on everyone else

As Jesus said "Let he who is free from sin

The jesus I was taught about would never condemn women to suffer in the way the 8th amendment causes. Also the bible is very clear that the 8th amendment is wrong, read your Exodus if you want to understand it.

mikeyssister · 25/05/2018 15:07

Sorry @LoveInTokyo, just reread my post. I must have somehow deleted parts of the end.

I was saying that as Jesus said ... and I explained that I wasn't in a position to judge other people and that I couldn't apply my beliefs to everyone else's situation so I voted yes.

But I initially said it much more eloquently than that.

mikeyssister · 25/05/2018 15:08

@MiggeldyHiggins just reclarified the bits I managed to delete.

DaphneDiligaf · 25/05/2018 15:08

Have posted my support on social media. Good luck to our Irish sisters. X

LoveInTokyo · 25/05/2018 15:09

Thank you for the explanation, that makes so much more sense now!

mikeyssister · 25/05/2018 15:09

If it isn't passed its because too many people want to control womens choices and don't care that the 8th amendment has killed women. Its because too many people are happy to export our problem, because its ok for women to have abortions as long as its as hard as possible on them and they suffer for it. If it isn't passed its because too many people are still trying to impose their own morals on everyone else

No, a lot of people feel they're voting to kill babies. And they can't do that.

Trinity66 · 25/05/2018 15:10

(If they were pro life rather than just pro birth they would actually do something to support mothers who decide to continue with crisis pregnancies and raise unplanned children who may be the product of rape or have a serious, life-limiting disability.)*

amen to that ^^

mikeyssister · 25/05/2018 15:12

@Trinity66 , ah now are you expecting us to suddenly be unhypocritical as well as supportive and non-judgemental?

MiggeldyHiggins · 25/05/2018 15:14

No, a lot of people feel they're voting to kill babies. And they can't do that

Then they a)don't understand what they are voting for and b) neither understand or care that we already have abortion in Ireland, we just have unsafe, unfair, expensive and difficult abortion that often isnt' available to those most in need of it.

So what were you saying about it not being about being backwards and uneducated?

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 25/05/2018 15:14

Mikeyssister the Church haven't been quiet they simply don't have the clout any longer to monopolize the discussion! They are still preaching from the pulpit and hanging the banners and posters, yearning for the days when the people of Ireland accepted their word as law and did what they were told.

Hopefully, we can move on as a country. What does that even mean? Are we all just to say "oh well, that's that"? A no vote will not change the reality in this country. My daughter, my nieces, they will still live in a country that is prepared to close its heart to them if they find themselves in the situation so many women before them have. I won't judge Ireland as backward and uneducated, but I will judge this country as lacking in understanding, compassion and respect. That's not something we can just "move on" from.

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 25/05/2018 15:15

Sending support to you all today. Flowers

LoveInTokyo · 25/05/2018 15:16

MiggeldyHiggins To be fair, I completely understand what mikeyssister is saying and that that is genuinely how a lot of people feel.

I have a lot of respect for someone who doesn't believe in abortion (and perhaps, reading between the lines, sees it as "killing babies" on some level) but votes yes anyway because they don't feel they should be in a position to impose their beliefs on others.

mikeyssister · 25/05/2018 15:18

@MiggeldyHiggins as I said I was amazed at young liberal people who are voting no and feel that voting yes means they are giving approval to murder.

@CocoPuffsInGodMode maybe it's because they don't have the monopoly on the airwaves anymore.

And when I say move on it's because I believe the yes side will win and it won't be catastrophy that the no side have predicated.