Ethics regarding Instamums and huns

[BurberryIsSo2000]

Homeisthecalm here, I think it's suitable to start a new ethics thread.

Since clearly, the one from yesterday isn't really about ethics but Clemmie.

Thanks all,

Keep it as nice or as stingy as you like

I'll start off by saying things should be clearly marked 'ad' or 'gifted'

Although the term gifted gives me the rage

Ha Jam I do wonder how many times Mad will redecorate her house. I actually think that kind of commitment deserves an ad, what hard work

I’m doing it now then that’s enough (will neatly sidestep that I used Hague Blue in the bedroom )

@bored I think he does try and control it and is responsive to feedback (he’s deleted hashtags that have caused offense and removed posts) but he is human and and will naturally do some things wrong and some things right. I don’t think he should be held accountable for others’ comments on his feed... but that’s my opinion

@fivelittleduckies I don't think he should be held accountable for comments on his posts, but I think it is possible to just project that you don't want that on your feed and delete when you see it. He is not particularly bad at this and as a general rule think he does distance himself from any pettiness, I guess really that hashtag was about his wife, but they are a brand and a package.

If I looked at a picture of mine and underneath were thousands of comments that included bitching, swearing, attacking, targeting individual account holders, I'd be deleting and just saying-not getting involved but will remove anything unpleasant. Often these comments willstem from one response so by deleting that they all disappear. Yes you could get accused of deleting controversial questions but if you stipulate that's how you run your account and your not having that sort of thing on your page for your kids to one day read then fair enough.

I don’t think you get to have it all ways. If you choose to make money this way some might have a view on that.

Not that I’m interested in going on the accounts in any way

And I don’t think everyone has to see them as they would a friend because the family is a brand first

So true! (Bolding because it makes it clear which bit I mean)
No matter the selling point, they will ge criticized on something e.g. not sharing negative aspects, shaming their kids if depicting negative aspects, not being real, whinging too much...

The ones who post a more real account get slated for "not bothering about or neglecting their kids",or don't know how lucky they are and stop whinging about your children.... be more positive..."
but the more positive posts are apparently fake and not attainable.
There's that saying you can't please all the people all of the time, there's always going to be somebody whinging or not liking.

you can see why, back in the days before Instagram, and it was all about the blog, some bloggers ended up switching off comments.

None of what I’ve said is about that Cady

I couldn’t give a toss if they do the gin and sads version or the mama bit

@cadyheron but that's a given. Whatever you do and whoever you are, of course you will not please everyone or always be liked.
But if it's your business, you set up boundaries that work for you, maintain a professional distance and have a clear plan for running your account then why would anyone be bothered if someone disagrees?
Because many of these accounts openly admit to not knowing if they 'are doing the right thing by their kids' they are exposing themselves to critism and being affected by comments made surrounding this.

@nipersvest I think you can turn off commenting on ig too. But regardless I feel like people would complain no matter what so don’t really fault him on how he handles it.

Yes you could turn off comments that’s a good idea

@bored yes I think that’s the bottom line - the impact on the children. Such a gray area that we have no known outcome of yet as it’s so new.

The key thing about Instagram is in the 'Insta' part of the title. It's (supposed to be) about the moment, which makes it very consumable. Scrolling through, you hardly notice that your brain is being bombarded with messages (go on - blow a month's food budget on a must-have Bella Freud 'it's a good investment' jumper / paint your sitting room dark blue / replace all your mugs with artisan grey pottery ones that look good in 'hands from above' pics, cradling a cappuccino)

Because it hasn't been around long enough, we haven't yet really got to the stage where the style we're being relentlessly sold has become laughably outdated. Imagine if IG had been around in the 80s? We could now look back at pouting mirror selfies of instamums in their metallic dresses with giant shoulder pads, trying to sell us pink frosted lipstick and blue eyeliner against a backdrop of lurid red and black striped wallpaper. We'd have the perspective to see that all this 'must have' stuff is fleeting and a fad of fashion, rather than the essentials for a perfectly curated life.

It's the same with children, I think. My kids are a bit older, so I missed the instamum thing for a long time. The first time I became aware of it was hearing the Saccone-Joly guy talking on Woman's Hour with the confident authority of some celebrated parenting guru.

I was astonished to realise, as I listened, that apparently his only qualification was having two (at the time, I think) very small pre-school children. And yet there he was, holding forth about how to deal with sibling rivalry and how to foster good relationships between your children.

It was all so based on a moment - a really short window of parenting time, for children at a very young age. He had no idea how hollow his advice would sound in few years time, and how pitifully simplistic it sounded to the parent of older kids. He genuinely seemed to have no awareness that his children would change, and no perspective that the glossy lifestyle he was promoting wouldn't last. I think a lot of IG parents are in the same bubble of delusion.

Sorry - long ramble. In short, I think that the IG star will fade with time when it becomes impossible to ignore that the 'insta' part of it isn't sustainable. Life scrolls on.

Regarding 'not realising how lucky you are' comments, I would say it's not really that, more about coming across as a nice person. Some comments made by and on accounts have been so entitled and smug, no one has to gush gratefulness and if you believe you work hard for what you get that's fine but it's never good to come across as arrogant. So it's just choice again. If you make comments that imply your luxury holiday is work and you are doing it for others or your NHS job is selfless then you need to expect some people may pick up on that. You could be a bit more careful about how you word those comments and not have any comeback at all.

The problem with turning comments off (which some accounts I follow do and I like them just the same) is that with the way the algorithms now work, the comments are really important to the businesses for engagement and getting promoted.

Absolutely it will be interesting to look back on this ig era one day

And whether the children will say god I can’t believe my parents did that, no way will I with mine

@bored I get that you’ve honed in on specific comments that MOD/FOD have made which give you the impression that they are entitled or smug (and you are completely entitled to your opinion on that) but to me the mere fact that they are engaging in these discussions on MN or ig is more commendable than commenting nothing because they are acknowledging others opinions and defending their actions. Any posts I read from Anya seemed pretty respectful of those that were challenging/questioning her.
but my feeling is that people’s opinions are never easily changed so probably you are right and they are better off not to comment as it’s pretty futile anyway

Five I don’t think it’s futile but I do think that on the particular question of young children it was pretty evasive

Everything else was commented on well though

I follow the interiors folk and they have really changed. I'm on my second large house renovation and I'll follow anyone with a nice house for inspiration (not aspiration!). Luckily people with taste in interiors will not decorate their house badly just for advertising revenue, but they will do temporary styling which is questionable, like the fake plant/flower fad lately (yuk). The dark interiors are not my taste at all. Of course, they can all repaint now. Most people can't afford to redecorate as frequently as the IGers.

Of course they are not a immotive as the parent IGers. Nobody gets that het up about tiles. I followed some of the IGmums because their houses were nice/they were redecorating. The parenting stuff doesn't interest me but their 'leak' over to interiors/fashion etc. does. It's not really my bag. I'm not interested in following a person's life on a daily basis.

@marsha yes I do think the topic of children gets avoided a lot by the bigger ig mums - I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone ever directly respond to how they feel about hundreds of thousands of people knowing a lot of their family life quite intimately. It seems a taboo topic of dis usdion - which is a shame as it’s quite relevant

*discussion

Absolutely Five
And I really don’t care about the rest, dms, comments, interiors all understandable - just that one thing

But maybe it’s not defensible - not saying for sure - just where I was ready to hear arguments in both sides

On both sides and there hasn’t been

Indeed perhaps it’s an uncomfortable topic for even them to think about (which I think is all the more reason to delve into it)