Ethics regarding Instamums and huns

[BurberryIsSo2000]

Homeisthecalm here, I think it's suitable to start a new ethics thread.

Since clearly, the one from yesterday isn't really about ethics but Clemmie.

Thanks all,

Keep it as nice or as stingy as you like

I'll start off by saying things should be clearly marked 'ad' or 'gifted'

Although the term gifted gives me the rage

Eh???

Interesting question, chicken! I think it will be their life to a certain extent, as in it's their house, their kids, etc.
Maybe they do embellish it a little bit though. Maybe on a bigger scale as to what people do on social media such as FB?
I mean,if I post a day out on say my personal FB, I'll have a nice smiley running about on the beach photo with a caption of something like " nice day building sandcastles at the beach." or something.
omitting the fact that they've probably been bashing each other over the head with their buckets and throwing sand at each other and I've had to tell them off not long before the photo was taken
Social media is a bit staged like that photo wise, so it makes sense that bigger platforms could be doing the same.
So I think attaining to be and feeling inadequate over stuff you see.... pointless upsetting yourself (general you) as you don't see everything. You're probably seeing a polished or an edited version.

I would agree its a polished/edited version , and i can see through that so to me its not a lifestyle i would like as i dont relate but im questioning it when people are being influenced and they do not know its not edited version when they see the house presented well they feel like they r failing as they cannot keep up. They believe they r not able to keep up with that lifestyle. Is it that parents fault they r being sold a unrealistic lifestyle? Or they r not aware how polished/edited it is?

I think Instamums and their feeds are just the new version of the older style of having models in adverts using products. The only real difference is the instamums provide the set while the companies provide the product.

I don't understand why so many people buy into these women (and men) and their lives and take them at face value as being real, and then use them as some sort of bizarre measuring stick for their own lives. We don't do it with regular adverts so why do so many do it with this new type of advert? Because that's all instagram is. One looooong advert after another disguised as someone posting pictures of their lives.

Everything is staged to some extent on instagram because of the very nature of picking and choosing a picture and uploading it and captioning it. Every bit sets the scene. It just varies from instamums doing a BIG MASSIVE PRODUCT PLACEMENT POST to promote a product, to "teehee look at my funny picture" from Joe Bloggs with three followers trying get people to see them as being a funny person or whatever.

The only difference between an instamum who makes money out of what she posts and a mum who shares family pictures is that one makes money out of it. They both still pick and choose which photos to share and come up with the captions that they think will best create the particular image of their family life that they want to have people believing (whether that's the perfect yummy mummy look at my dress type accounts or the teehee we are shit mums where's the gin type accounts).

I don’t think you can lump all instamums under the same umbrella. There are some that share only seemingly picture-perfect lives, others that share every frustration and tantrum of parenting, as well as everything in between.
No matter the selling point, they will ge criticized on something e.g. not sharing negative aspects, shaming their kids if depicting negative aspects, not being real, whinging too much...
these discussions are endless because there will always be something that bothers someone
GOMI is an extreme depiction of this and tbh those sentiments seem apparent here also (just with less overt vitriol)

It feels as though those who have already decided to dislike instamums cannot be swayed to see things from a different perspective (or dont want to?)

What is GOMI Five?

Its a blog where people can snark on those they don’t like - stands for “get off my internet”. Gets very nasty and personal on there and a lot of instamums get mentioned

Thanks Five. I just had a look. That makes mumsnet look like a vicar's tea party.

Doesn’t sound great but then I avoid places where there’s unmoderated raging - some accounts on IG would be included

On your question. I was ready to hear arguments in answer to the is it good? (to use children as content to build big accounts for £) on both sides. Because I really did want to see what people thought.

But a lot of what’s gone on - the deflections, the investment to contradict from a couple, the quotes from Mn that avoid the issue esp when earlier quotes addressed it, the huge backlash from people with eyes on the ads, the posters that do it but are evasive hasn’t convinced me.

But having said that a few posters that came on were really polite as we were back. So I also think that the situation has made it worse too - round and round arguments.

So if I was in a pub I might just say, oh interesting but out of curiosity do you feel bad? They would probably have an answer that would be interesting and it would be fine

@marsha I do know a couple of mums in real life who have a substantial ig following (none that have been mentioned here) and their whole business is based on their children. Although I’ve never directly asked them how they feel about it, it is clear that they don’t feel as though what they do exploits their children at all. I think they only feel that they (the mums) work very hard and are entrepreneurial business women whose family firms part of that business. Not sure how much sense I make

Makes sense Five, now I think about it I can see there’s no way they’d feel bad as the narrative would be entrepreneurial etc
Otherwise they wouldn’t do it

MarshaBradyo would you really ask someone in a pub? I wouldn't, anymore than I would ask 'do you think letting your kid ride a bike without a helmet is a good idea?' Or 'should your kid be up at 11pm around drunk adults?' I don't think it's my place to ask those questions. I think it's ok to want to discuss the generalities on a forum but face to face? Look how uncomfortable and respectful posters have been when instamums have come on here. Nobody has called mother pukka a 'hawker' since she came on various threads to speak.

I don’t know for sure as I’m trying to imagine the set up. But I am interested in what people do in general so I’d like to find out more. Tbh I’d probably phrase it in a way that meant it wasn’t so blunt but still get them to talk about issues re privacy. Maybe something like ‘Do you worry that...?’ Etc and get onto to it like that

We were very polite when posters came on it’s true ; but then I didn’t mind asking Anya about it

The other thing that someone brought up was ages of children, think it was Absinthe. I have big gaps. The oldest too old, the middle too old for IG and the youngest just born. Knowing what I know about children on IG I can’t imagine I’d upload public images now. Whereas it was different back then I can see how these accounts happened. Whether people want to stop is another thing but timing is part of it.

Yes @marsha I think timing has a lot to do with it. Many of the accounts that have a huge following now were much smaller when they started out several years ago - before anyone knew how much ig would take off. So I definitely don’t fault those mums for wading through this unknown territory and occasionally making mistakes. It is a huge learning curve for them also...

Five I can see that it would have just grown

But I do think stopping is an option. So if someone was to think wth am I doing this for, my children’s privacy does mean a lot to me I’m going to just stop

So I don’t question any of it except why not just not continue

I was just thinking that Marsha. I bet it seems like a great idea if you have a baby and you and your house are photogenic. I wonder if it stops being fun as you and your family ages. Slightly different thing but I knew 3 local mummy bloggers. They all just got bored of it as their kids got older. But they weren't making lots of money from it, so it was easier to stop.

Wearelocal I’m not sure I think it’s a great idea now, I can see it was something people did for the same reasons I posted here 8 years ago but now I feel like I know too much about the selling side of it. I’ve lost that innocence. I wonder how many people start accounts now with the aim to get ads

That wouldn’t have been the case many years ago

I don’t actually mind people doing it for interiors etc if ads are the goal

Ps think I had some horrible grammar in previous post, ignore that

For whatever reason Cigarettesandcalpol just stopped. The drama surrounding the deleted account is just daft as it's been clearly stated she's coming back, which just seems fairly sad. But I guess beingbfamous abd adored is fairly addictive.
I think the problem with a lot of accounts is the crossover. Is it really them? The reason they get such defensive and dedicated followers is that they put themselves out there and they share themselves being vulnerable or upset or affected by something (often in stories) this gives the viewer (customer) a sense of knowing that person (and their family) but any other type of marketing or modelling, you don't 'share your self', you just share an image or projection.
It seems that by doing this, you are real. The problem is you also make yourself vulnerable, it's not just a person, it is a business. A quick google and the money involved is staggering.
I imagine that for an account sized 10-30k, you have a nice balance of manageable comments, nice freebies, extra bit of cash/weekend breaks/days out. But when you get 100-400k it's a completely diffeeent game.
And really if you try to maintain that it's 'really you' you still need to keep a professional distance and not over expose or overshare, particularly your kids.

@Duckie I do agree, to an extent. I have unfollowed or deleted the app altogether when I notice its a time drain, and not making me feel good, especially if I'm in a place where my anxiety is heightened. So yes I do look inwards and it's not fair to blame others for feeling inadequate, because none of it is that real.

However I have an issue with the "I'm just like you guys we're all in this together" narrative one day and then the next "here's my expensive sandals/dress/holiday - but I'm still just like you" when their income is based off advertising an ideal and me buying it/wanting it, because that IS the goal. If the advertising didn't work on IG brands wouldn't do it.

Lots of mums for example may see a post by an influencer about oh I dunno difficulty breastfeeding and join in on that post/that community because they feel its a safe place and we can all share. That's great. And then BAM advert - it's duplicitious.

I make no sense, I'm sorry. Coffee hasn't kicked in!

I think we've reached saturation point and people are just bored by it all. How many more 'style it dark' living rooms do we need to see in our feeds really? How much Hague Blue? How many more Scamp and Dude sweatshirts?

@marsha well I guess it’s a matter of weighing it up at that point. If what you are doing is very lucrative and you feel that it is your legitimate business that you work hard towards it’s probably a harder decision to be made. And I suppose there are a lot of perks - they get to work whilst spending more time with family as work and family is combined (but of course there the obvious downsides to this too)

FOD's #therearerealpeoplebehindthesesquares- well you turned it into a business so control it. It's up to you what you put out there and share so be more careful. It's obviously such an earner that it's not worth giving up, so make it work for you, like so many accounts do.
The children do bother me, I genuinely hope they all enjoy their fane and holidays and clothes etc, I just really hope the majority have no ill effects and their lives become their own. Some of the older ones just look so awkward.

@jamoncrumpets am I the only one that thinks all this grey decor and dark blue rooms are just miserable, cold and depressing? I have seen some really pretty tiles

Yes lots of positives and you could almost convince yourself. But is it really fair when the content providers don’t get a say.

If one person considers that question it’d be a good thing

On stopping it could be without the drama and say it’s been ace but this is why (children). I’d love to see it because it would be pause for people to think. But then there’d probably be a mad scramble in the MLM tree - a bit like Heathers when the top one went