Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Ethics regarding Instamums and huns

999 replies

BurberryIsSo2000 · 24/05/2018 17:14

Homeisthecalm here, I think it's suitable to start a new ethics thread.

Since clearly, the one from yesterday isn't really about ethics but Clemmie.

Thanks all,

Keep it as nice or as stingy as you like Grin

I'll start off by saying things should be clearly marked 'ad' or 'gifted'

Although the term gifted gives me the rage

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
CadyHeron · 31/05/2018 16:50

I find it interesting how people intepret things different ways, jelly.
I suppose you could look at it like that, I mean I see the fancy houses and pretty kids and then look at my own (lot smaller and messier house lol) but I enjoy seeing that type of thing.
Kind of an escape, if you see what I mean? I see it as pointless seeing it as aspiration or jealousy as you say.
It is a business. Kind of an advertising business. If that's how they make their money, fair play to them.
I;m sure they'll work at making it look like an effortless just stick a few pictures up on IG when there'll be more to it than that.

Readingchairreboot · 31/05/2018 16:57

Thanks MarshaBradyo I've enjoyed reading your posts over the threads too, and can say I have 'spoken' to someone quoted in The Telegraph Wink.

returns to reading Vogue magazine

JellyBaby666 · 31/05/2018 17:05

@Cady But the difference is some of these 'women just like us' are being given free things which aren't cheap and/or are being paid to flog them to people who don't get them for free! It just feels unethical. It's one thing to see beautiful interiors accounts which I also follow just because they're gorgeous and have that envy/escape but I lose interest once they become #ad heavy because that's not what I want to feel like.

MNHQ
SophieLMumsnet · 31/05/2018 17:08

Hi all,

As we've said previously - discussion about instagram/ethics is perfectly fine, but when it turns into a protacted discussion about specific people, it turns into a bit of a pile on. If we could swerve it back to generalities, that would be great (and do also keep Talk Guidelines in mind).

Thanks all Flowers

CadyHeron · 31/05/2018 17:17

Jelly - I don't like to see a feed full of adverts either. Doing some adverts as a way of earning some income, I think that's fair enough. When it seems to be all adverts though I lose interest myself.
I don't see the point in saying they shouldn't do any adverts though as what you've just said is a roundabout way of "but why should they get anything for free when I don't?"
Advertising products is their way of earning income, saying "I don't get anything like that so why should you".... bad example maybe but kind of the same as being upset that somebody earns more than you (general you,not you personally) as you deem your job more "important and/or hardworking" )
If they're declaring it as ads they're not pretending to be anything else. They're not pretending to be something they're not.

sweettutu · 31/05/2018 20:25

I thought ultimategirlgang did a bloody marvellous job today on her stories - doing an #ad wine tasting. Excellent upfront disclosure. She seems very real.... she also named the brand who wanted to work with her, but her experience with them was shit. It was thoroughly entertaining. I suppose also probably quite limiting in terms of future jobs, but adds to the “don’t really give a fuck” appeal. I think a good example of “next wave” of instamums.

ElspethFlashman · 31/05/2018 20:27

Yes that was well flagged.

JellyBaby666 · 31/05/2018 20:38

@cady it’s the unattainability of what they’re advertising that irks me. It’s expensive and not achievable by all - yet they promote it when they haven’t paid for it. £60 for a dress is a lot when you can’t afford it, and someone “just like me” telling me how amazing it is after being paid/getting it for free stings.

Fivelittleduckies · 31/05/2018 22:35

I go through periods of unfollowing certain instamums when I get fed up of being advertised at or if I start feeling frustrated by their ‘freebies’.
But if I’m being honest with myself though the way I respond to their feed is more a reflection of my happiness in that moment than it is of how ethical the instamum is being. In a day where I feel guilty at having lost my patience with the kids, or that my house has remained a mess too long, or my clothes don’t fit so nicely... I do find that I feel more bothered by an instamum who constantly has it all worked out according to ig.
My point is, at the end of the day I see that I’m projecting my own frustration in these instances. Being angry at them for sharing their tidy home, lovely modeling figures or freebies is not them being unethical, it’s me feeling jaded due to my own personal life.
That’s why i choose to unfollow for a period of time. Because I honestly think it’s unfair to blame an ig mum for making me feel unhappy by sharing their own life (albeit the highlights) and using their popular platform to earn a living.

Fivelittleduckies · 31/05/2018 22:49

I honestly think that if your time spent on social media isn’t enjoyable (let’s face it, it’s usually our ‘down time’ from busy parenting) then change what you are looking at.
Personally I wouldn’t wish to exchange my life of online privacy and anonymity for any amount of freebies.
I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of putting mine and my family’s life out there for anyone in the world to follow.
When I see comments in instamums’ threads regarding their kids it makes me feel so uneasy for the mum. There are complete strangers (thousands of them) who know their kids names, personalities, little quirks and have been watching them grow since birth sometimes. It’s very Truman show in a way.
I’m incredibly grateful that isn’t my life, I personally think it’s not worth all the free dresses in the world. So don’t forget the cost they really are paying in all of this as it’s easy to get lost in the idea that they are so ‘lucky’.

Wearelocal · 31/05/2018 23:00

Doesn't sound much fun 🙁...Read past the headline.
www.lizziesomerset.com/mumsnet-full-support-advice-place-bash-mums/

CadyHeron · 31/05/2018 23:13

Completely agree with your post littleduckies, I've said exactly the same on here before (as in that if what you're looking at makes you feel inadequate, or not enough, it makes sense to either take a step back from social media or change what you're looking at to things that make you happy instead of sad or inadequate.
Not really the IGers fault or doing anything wrong there, it's something you should be looking to yourself more about.

Anyway, yes, completely agree. Smile

MarshaBradyo · 31/05/2018 23:18

Only agree with your second post Duckies

chicken2015 · 31/05/2018 23:33

I agree to a point about looking at us if we are feeling bad about it howeve i feel strongly that instagrammers by only showing the cleanest house , best presented children etc photos, thats not real life so its a false reality, its an unattainable life they are selling, so that doesnt sit well with me and its not all about thinking inwards as the influencee

chicken2015 · 31/05/2018 23:36

I would say it is 'doing something wrong' in my eyes.

Boredandtired · 31/05/2018 23:39

@duckies and this is where the discussion is divided, I agree with parts of your second post above but the last bit about not seeing them as 'so lucky' due to the true cost, what about the children and their rights? The adults I couldn't give a monkeys, of curse it's their choice and if they want to put their bodies/houses/jobs out their and it works, they know the risks and can back away whenever they want. But the kids?
Had an interesting conversation with my teenager today, she barely uses SM at the moment and is at college, we were talking about me closing down Facebook and why and she said she was glad as she hated that there were photos out there people could look at and she could do nothing about.
Likewise, off the back of a thread I looked someone up I'd been to school with (through dd's Facebook...) and many of his photos were open to public. I was shocked to see a photo I was in at school, (I looked dreadful) and I would never post it. There's nothing I can do, it's been there years, 3 other people in it were tagged (I guess I wasn't popular enough!) and I felt annoyed that people could just do that. I know it's no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but if I felt like that about 1 photo, there's a chance the kids may not like it either (on Instagram, Facebook wherever)

Puffycat · 31/05/2018 23:41

I have no fucking clue about anything you have said............

MarshaBradyo · 31/05/2018 23:43

What the last post - which was perfectly clear or the whole thread?

chicken2015 · 31/05/2018 23:43

I would like to add people who just post photos of clean house etc and dont make money i dont belive r selling a lifestyle its the people who are a brand that i think r in wrong also the stuff they flog r not even brought by them so another example of false reality

MarshaBradyo · 31/05/2018 23:44

Or maybe you don’t mean Bored’s post...

CadyHeron · 31/05/2018 23:47

chicken that goes back towards the same thing though. As in if the clean, tidy, pretty houses and children are the ones that are making you feel miserable or that it'sunattainable, then there's others out there that aren't all about the pretty things and are a more realistic view.
It's not a false reality to them, if that is indeed their life. Are only people who are skint or have messy looking kids and houses allowed to post as they're more attainable?
Of course not.
Some of them are twee and cutesy, some of them are more gritty or the more realistic side.
There's all kinds of different feeds out there. You find one you feel comfortable with and not upset at.

CadyHeron · 31/05/2018 23:50

My last post was to the post before that chicken posted, she's since added to it which I wasn't referring to.
If people didn't strop if I quote which bit I mean it would have been a whole lot clearer and less confusing there lol

Boredandtired · 31/05/2018 23:58

@marshabradyo it's late and my auto put in a curse instead of course and a their instead of there so I thought I was getting a grammar post! Also if you have thread followed a bit, perhaps waffling on about your kids and Facebook doesn't seem relevant, which is fair enough!

MarshaBradyo · 31/05/2018 23:59

I don’t think it was your post Bored
Made sense to me
I bet it was a lag in posting

chicken2015 · 01/06/2018 00:03

I guess the million dollar question is is it their life? Really ? Or is it how they are wanting to be portrayed, they are selling a lifestyle that is how they are making money but is it a real lifestyle or is it just what they want their followers to believe for them to buy into because it allows companies to collaborate with them.