Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my best friend

103 replies

Bollockstoyou · 24/05/2018 13:56

So I have know this girl for 30 years, we've been through so much together relationships, divorce, marriage bereavement. Loads of good times over the years, there has been a few times were I've paid for things like when I got married I got married abroad and my mum had just died so I wanted her there she couldn't afford it so I saved and paid for her and it was worth every penny just to have her there. A few years ago I had a house warming party I paid for her and her husband to stay in a local hotel so they could come as she said couldn't afford it. She came and started to show off her tattoo she just got earlier that week, I was a miffed to be honest but let it go, there's been a few small things like that that has happened.

Anyway fast forward a few years her and her husband moved to France, unfortunately she moved the same day as my dad died which isn't her fault but I always associate losing them both on the same day. She wasn't really there for me through all that as she was too busy with her own stuff, new life in France etc. I felt let down but got over it. I'm getting married in August this year, she did say to me she would still be there as it's only a short flight away. I sent the invite but she said they will be working all over summer, can't afford it and hates flying etc, I was disappointed but I still kept the friendship going, she then couldn't make the hen weekend as couldn't afford it, fair enough I wasn't going to offer to pay again. Anyway yesterday she posted on Facebook that she's flying over to the uk in September to go to a dance event thing, she's got her ticket, booked hotel and meeting various people. Shock. I'm so upset, I don't want to say anything really as don't want a fight but I think this friendship is done. Would you be upset?

OP posts:
ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 24/05/2018 16:22

I agree with pp, unfriend her or hide her on FB. You'll feel a stirring of pain and upset every time her posts appear on your feed.
I think she sounds very self-centred and PA and probably has been for all the years you've known her.
You're better off without her.
Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding though Flowers

I'm being married for the 3rd time in August. Two family members because sadly I can't hire two strangers as witness and NOBODY else.Grin

Gemini69 · 24/05/2018 16:33

she's a PISS TAKER .. get rid Flowers

FreeMantle · 24/05/2018 16:51

Could you do a nice passive aggressive Facebook reply?

Sorry, would have loved to come but the wedding has drained us. So sorry you couldn't make it but we'll catch up one day I'm sure.

Anasnake · 24/05/2018 16:56

Get rid

Mousefunky · 24/05/2018 17:02

YANBU, she’s no friend. Drop her.

bonnyshide · 24/05/2018 17:02

Definitely time to step away from this friendship, you deserve better.

I would not give her any ammunition for further drama (the way she posted on FB the last time says a lot about her as a person!)

Keep the moral high ground here by just replying with a polite message.

'It would've been great to join you, but unfortunately we are busy with hope you have a good time'

I would then start to slowly distance myself (don't respond then messages straight away, be polite but a bit distant, possibly make her an 'acquaintance' on FB and start limiting which of your posts she can see etc. Unsubscribe from her updates on FB too'

Sorry she has turned out to be such a user, life us full of quality people, she ain't one of them.

gerdinenisaf · 24/05/2018 17:17

"Bollockstoyou
But when I explained I felt she had forgotten about me and I missed her, I didn't expect her to then put it all over fb and slag me off in a sarcastic way I couldn't believe it "

That tells you everything about her. No heart, no empathy, she wouldn't know what real friendship is like. When you touched the part that should be her heart she found she had - nothing. That was her revenge for making her feel like an empty vessel.

Jessikita · 24/05/2018 17:52

Don’t bother contacting her again. You have different views of your friendship.

Cuckooclocks · 24/05/2018 17:54

Friendship is done. Quietly let it fizzle out.

Marmablade · 24/05/2018 18:07

This happened to my ex best friend. She lived abroad. I gave her 18 months notice. She said she wouldn't be able to afford it then posted about her holiday to somewhere nice and hot. She even ended up going to the same holiday destination as our honeymoon at the same time of year so hardly hard up! I had it out with her and basically she said she knew I'd go to the ends of the earth for her without a second thought but she wouldn't do the same for me. Ouch! That was a hard lesson to hear.

Never been so happy as the last 10 years since I went NC with the selfish cow Grin

CaMePlaitPas · 24/05/2018 18:08

She's just not that into you OP, I'm sorry :(

Original poster
Bollockstoyou · 24/05/2018 20:39

Marmablade that sounds similar, I think that's it really I put myself out she doesn't, people see friendships differently, she has always been tight with Money, always said couldn't afford things, never really understood why, as they both worked full time, have no children and a small mortgage but maybe she's not that badly off really, her grandad who has always been like a dad to her still gives her Money when he goes around, he sent her to private school so I think she's just quite spoilt. I've not replied to her message and she has said no more so it is just left for now. I need to just step away x

OP posts:
Whocansay · 24/05/2018 21:05

I wouldn't bother with her again. She sounds like a fair-weather friend and a bit of a user. Concentrate on friends who appreciate you.

category12 · 24/05/2018 21:24

You need to mute or unfollow her on social media until you decide what you want to do.

Marmablade · 24/05/2018 21:36

I'm actually grateful she was so horrible about how little she thought of me as I could infer it from not bothering with my wedding but could talk myself out of it until she said that.

After we got off the phone that day I discovered her and her DH had blocked me and my to be DH on Facebook. What a bitch!!!!

You will feel relieved without her in your life.

Original poster
Bollockstoyou · 24/05/2018 22:14

Marmablade, she did that to me and my h2b last time too, she eventually apologised and we carried on talking to each other but it's never been the same since then, and I've felt quite disappointed but now I've decided to just walk away I feel much better!

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 24/05/2018 23:13

Bollocks - yes, you do the blocking this time!
💐🥂🍾 Enjoy your wedding, and your marriage! 💫💕

flowerpott · 24/05/2018 23:23

It sounds to me like she doesn't value your friendship the way you do. Put her aside (no need for a conversation, even, just decide for yourself) and then put your energy into someone who will be a real friend to you.

MrsDilber · 24/05/2018 23:53

Ooh no. Don't reply. She's a cf.

Roussette · 25/05/2018 07:32

Bollocks you will feel better because you do not have to waste head space on this ex friend, you can think of much more pleasant things. I couldn't get over how much better I felt when I walked away from the friend I mentioned. Unfortunately she made up a load of lies about me but it didn't even touch me, I ignored it, because she has fallen out with so many people I imagined they just knew she was talking crap. Good luck.

emmyrose2000 · 25/05/2018 07:55

Sounds like "can't afford it" to her actually means "can't be bothered unless someone else pays"
Yes, definitely.

OP, I'm afraid she just sees you (and her grandad) as her own personal ATM. She's not worth it. Just cut ties and walk away. Delete her off your social media and pretend she doesn't exist anymore.

her grandad who has always been like a dad to her still gives her Money when he goes around, he sent her to private school so I think she's just quite spoilt
This probably explains why she expects you to pay for her stuff as well.

FASH84 · 25/05/2018 08:10

She is a pisstaker, but I find it difficult to get excited about second, third, fourth weddings. I've seen you make these vows before, I bought you a gift, a new outfit, paid to stay wherever you wanted the wedding etc. Do I really have to do it again? Only time I felt different was a friend who married young and her husband died young, when she got remarried I was thrilled for her as she had been through so much and he was wonderful for her

Flaminglingos · 25/05/2018 08:27

Block her on social media and her mobile number and move forward with your life.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 25/05/2018 08:31

It sounds like you have grown apart and that happens all the time without the difficulties of being in separate countries.

Expecting guests to travel from abroad is always tricky when you're not paying for the travel. There's an expectation on them to attend as the couple aren't happy if they don't. She doesn't need a reason to rsvp no, it's supposed to be an invite not a demand. I'd not take time off work to travel abroad for a second wedding.

flumpybear · 25/05/2018 08:47

Just take a big step back, she's become accustomed to you paying for her and I suspect now it's 'I'll hang in til she pays for me' you don't need a 'friend' like that, she's just a meal ticket friend - if she misses you perhaps she'll come back with a more
Friendly attitude to you rather than CF attitude

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.