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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not invite my fiancé's brother to our wedding

137 replies

helennnnn · 22/05/2018 17:46

We are engaged after eight years together and want something very low key. We looked into eloping but those wedding seem more expensive so we have decided on a small registry office wedding followed by something nice after, like dinner at a nice hotel.

We only want to invite a few people - my nan, my parents and his parents. One of my sisters is living in New Zealand so won't make it, and my other sister may get an invite (haven't decided yet).

The issue is my fiancé's brother. In our whole relationship I've barely had a conversation with him as he's always in his room playing xbox or smoking weed. He's always ignored me, apart from one time he made a 'joke' about me calling fat Angry he was only 15 at the time but I really took it to heart,

He is a stranger to me and I would feel awkward having him at our small and intimate wedding (my sister and parents have always made an effort with fiancé and know him quite well and same with me and his parents).

I've told DP I'm not too keen, and doubt his brother would want to come anyway. But he still wants to invite him but probably would keep it to just his parents if I insisted. I would probably have to not invite my sister either though so this would look acceptable. I know I'm probably BU but it would make me feel embarrassed all dressed up in my wedding dress and saying vows in front of a stranger really, who insulted me all those years ago.

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 22/05/2018 18:24

Yabu, he was a 15 year old boy at the time, sounds like you are still bitter about it. Get over it

Justmuddlingalong · 22/05/2018 18:25

How old is he now?

helennnnn · 22/05/2018 18:25

He's 22 now.

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 22/05/2018 18:27

No siblings invited, or all of ‘em.

SakuraBlossom · 22/05/2018 18:28

You really do not come across as a nice person at all. Not inviting his DB will end up with a rift being created between them. As a mother of 2 boys I would find that unforgivable.

Just because you have a dysfunctional relationship with your DSis doesn't mean you get to wreck other sibling relationships. They outlast most marriages.

helennnnn · 22/05/2018 18:30

But surely it would be fine if no siblings come?

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 22/05/2018 18:30

Were you fat? If So, it wasn't an insult. He may be a stranger to you but he is your op's brother

helennnnn · 22/05/2018 18:31

I hope I wasn't fat Confused I'm a size 10 now and was probably an 8-10 then

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/05/2018 18:31

How ridiculous you sound... He's your DH's brother and he wants him at your wedding Confused. The nerve of you saying no!!

Saz1995 · 22/05/2018 18:32

It’s not just your wedding, it’s your partners too. Just get over it for one day!

NapQueen · 22/05/2018 18:32

Sorry but you are being Ur. Because your fiancee wants him there and he is half of the host. So why shouldnt your dp get to invite him? He hasnt killed anyone.

PotteringAlong · 22/05/2018 18:33

It was 7 years ago and you’re still holding a grudge?! 7?!

helennnnn · 22/05/2018 18:33

Obviously he would be invited if we were having a big do. But we want something very small and if my sisters aren't coming that's another reason I don't want his sibling there either.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/05/2018 18:34

He wants his brother there and you want to stop him because of a comment 7 years ago??

siwel123 · 22/05/2018 18:34

YABU. It is both your wedding. He wants him there so if you won't let him have his family you can't have your nan then?

SakuraBlossom · 22/05/2018 18:34

No one in your family may care if your sibling doesn't come but other families are close and love each other very much.

He said you were fat 8 years ago when he was a teenager. Are you going to punish him for the rest of his life?

Seriously, I feel sorry for your in-laws. You are my idea of a DIL from hell.

Justmuddlingalong · 22/05/2018 18:35

You have 3 guests. Your DH2B should get the same amount if that's what he wants.

helennnnn · 22/05/2018 18:36

DP's parents wouldn't mind if he wasn't invited as they know we don't know each other (me and the brother) They expect it to just be parents.

My knows my DP more than my parents know him so he wants her there too.

OP posts:
siwel123 · 22/05/2018 18:38

But he wants his brother there! Jesus Ely him!
You've three people. He has 3.

Justmuddlingalong · 22/05/2018 18:38

But it's your DP's day too. He knows him. It's not all about you.

siwel123 · 22/05/2018 18:38

Let

siwel123 · 22/05/2018 18:39

OP . You're clearly not going to listen, as you think this day is all about your wants and needs. So have fun!

PeanutButterSquash · 22/05/2018 18:39

You sound horrible.
He wants his brother there.
YAbvu to try to stop it especially because of a comment he made 7 years ago as a teenager!
My sister invited me to her wedding and I dread to think about the amount of times we've called each other fat Grin

MumUndone · 22/05/2018 18:40

Wouldn't you want your sister there though?

WinnersClub · 22/05/2018 18:41

These threads baffle me.

First you're being a precious snowflake for bearing a grudge against a 15yr old all those yrs ago.
Wether he attends the wedding or not, he will become your brother in law. Have you thought about what that means?
He will be your dc uncle. Thought about what that means?
He is family.

if you hate him so much you don't want him at the wedding (and you have every right to) I will seriously consider wether you should marry into this family, because you know what? he is going to become a very permanent fixture in your life.

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