Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we shouldn’t always have to do this?

98 replies

MrsDylanBlue · 20/05/2018 21:24

Step parent so will prob get flamed but here goes.

DSD1 who is 13 told me today at 15:50 (Sunday) that she has cooking tomoz at school and needs ingredients.

They were also getting ready for the 2.5 hour drive home. OH texted their Mum and asked if she could grab what she needs (I suggested that as we had been in town she could of mentioned it then - OH proceeds to tell me she asked him yday) her Mum said no it is our responsibility as our weekend.

Anyway I quickly took her to Tesco express and got the things she needed that we didn’t have so she didn’t get into trouble.

I have also sorted it out for her in the past.

AIBU to think the RP should really be sorting this out. It never once crossed my mind that my ex would provide ingredients for school cooking as he pays me maintenance (as does DH to his ex) also the practicality of transporting says ingredients Home.

OP posts:
Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 20/05/2018 21:26

Why should the RP have to do all the grunt work for school?

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 20/05/2018 21:27

I always did - it never crossed my mind my ex would do this.

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 20/05/2018 21:29

You have an OH problem...

I don't see why the NRP shouldn't sort cooking ingredients for a Monday lesson after their weekend. Your OH should have sorted it yesterday.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 20/05/2018 21:29

Homework etc should be done by whoever has the child that weekend imo. It's only fair, that way nobody is stuck doing all of the crappy every day stuff. It's shared.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/05/2018 21:30

A few bits and pieces for school cookery isn't going to cost much. I would be more cross that OH hadn't mentioned it yesterday tbh

scrumples · 20/05/2018 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NapQueen · 20/05/2018 21:33

Your OH is who you should be annoyed at. His daughter told him on Saturday that she needs ingredient for school and he still hadnt sorted it by teatime Sunday? Pretty crap show from him.

gingerbreadbiscuits · 20/05/2018 21:35

Yep. Definitely and OH problem.

Definitely the responsibility of whoever has the child to sort out child related things.

MsGameandWatching · 20/05/2018 21:35

They're with their Dad so it's down to him, or you if you take that kind of active role with them.

You're basically saying that all the drudge and planning should fall to the RP even when the children aren't actually with her. Do you see how unreasonable that is?

VladmirsPoutine · 20/05/2018 21:36

The problem is that your partner didn't sort it yesterday. Not even mentioning it with the expectation that you sort it but actually that he did fuck all about it.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 20/05/2018 21:37

I didn’t think of it as H/W tbh when put like that yes.

My kids stepmum used to refuse to wash their uniforms and I had to do it when they returned on a Sunday.

I guess I get sick of all the extras sometimes -we pay maintenance set by the CMA and phones etc on top of that on top of petrol and we buy them coats, shoes. It wasn’t a massive expense.

OP posts:
HellenaHandbasket · 20/05/2018 21:37

Why should she when child was with you? Your oh's problem for forgetting tbh and he should have sorted it.

HellenaHandbasket · 20/05/2018 21:39

And as you know, the maintenance set by CMA is a minimum.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 20/05/2018 21:39

I just hope the solo egg survived the 150 mile trip Smile

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 20/05/2018 21:41

You don't always have to do it. You did have to do it this weekend as it was your weekend. Perfectly reasonable and a rather minor gripe IMHO. If you don't want to do it, get your OH to do it, but don't pass the buck to the RP, when it's not her time. Take it up with your OH, not her.

NapQueen · 20/05/2018 21:41

My kids stepmum used to refuse to wash their uniforms and I had to do it when they returned on a Sunday maybe she thought (correctly) that the kids dad should do it.

FullOfJellyBeans · 20/05/2018 21:43

I agree YAB a bit U. I think the RP always ends up paying more, and doing more of the grunt work so if it's your weekend it's right that you should sort her school stuff for tomorrow.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/05/2018 21:43

I guess I get sick of all the extras sometimes -we pay maintenance set by the CMA and phones etc on top of that on top of petrol and we buy them coats, shoes.

This is part and parcel of what you sign up for when blending families.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 20/05/2018 21:44

NapQueen

I said her because she was the one who told the kids she wasn’t doing it and it was her washing machine and yes my ex was spineless.

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 20/05/2018 21:47

Your oh should have organised it- be cross with him. And I would have sent two eggs in case one broke.

LovingLola · 20/05/2018 21:50

I just hope the solo egg survived the 150 mile trip

You sound mean.

Glumglowworm · 20/05/2018 21:50

Why should all the extras fall to the RP though? They already get all the crappy daily grind stuff, are they supposed to pay for anything extra as well? Bearing in mind that RP of younger children may well have their earning ability curtailed by childcare needs/cost, while the NRP isn’t constrained in the same way.

The problem here is with DP who knew his dd needed stuff for cooking and didn’t bother to do anything about it.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 20/05/2018 21:50

Yes I agree it’s what you sign up for.

DSD2 asked if she can take her swimming costume from here for a school trip and she doesn’t have one, that’s fine as long as it comes back and doesn’t get eaten by the dog like everthing else.

They have clothes at ours and we bought them new shoes as they had none here and only bought school shoes and DSD1 took her brand new shoes home and didn’t bring them back.

Stuff like that is annoying. OH takes them to the library and the books get lost or destroyed by the dog and he gets the fines.

I get that IA probably being U re the cooking stuff.

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 20/05/2018 21:57

I feel sorry for the children in these situations. It sounds like you are begrudging her a few cooking ingredients. Suck it up, I say.

NoSquirrels · 20/05/2018 21:58

Hmm. I dunno.

I think it sort of depends when DSD knows about cookery ingredients she needs. If she's at home by Sunday evening, then she goes to school from home on Monday. Therefore I'd say the ingredients are something she takes from home - they're not "weekend homework" unless she only gets the ingredients list on a Friday. But that seems unlikely - what's more likely is she gets the ingredients list on a Monday at the lesson, and has all week to sort it with her mum and put the ingredients on the regular grocery shop so they're ready. Transporting eggs and what not 150 miles is a bit bonkers.

Your OH is a bit shit though for not having sorted it on Saturday.

The clothes and library books is very annoying.