AIBU to think we shouldn’t always have to do this?

[MrsDylanBlue]

Step parent so will prob get flamed but here goes.

DSD1 who is 13 told me today at 15:50 (Sunday) that she has cooking tomoz at school and needs ingredients.

They were also getting ready for the 2.5 hour drive home. OH texted their Mum and asked if she could grab what she needs (I suggested that as we had been in town she could of mentioned it then - OH proceeds to tell me she asked him yday) her Mum said no it is our responsibility as our weekend.

Anyway I quickly took her to Tesco express and got the things she needed that we didn’t have so she didn’t get into trouble.

I have also sorted it out for her in the past.

AIBU to think the RP should really be sorting this out. It never once crossed my mind that my ex would provide ingredients for school cooking as he pays me maintenance (as does DH to his ex) also the practicality of transporting says ingredients Home.

EOW and most of the school holidays.

oh god, yes the monday morning cookery class.... the bastards. bloody computer programs making sure every room and teacher is used in an efficient way, yet still managing to get a disproportionate number of cooking classes first thing on a monday.

our school system only allows one parent to top up the account. that has to be the resident parent.

Did her phones have covers and screen protectors?

The ingredients were put in her planner last Monday
So she's had a week to get herself organised? That was five days she could've organised it with her mother vs two with you, at the very last minute. Or even taken charge herself and asked for some money to buy the ingredients herself.

Maybe if DSD had to turn up without the ingredients, it might teach her to get organised earlier and not leave it until the last minute.

halcyondays

YES! OMG seriously.

When mine did cookery at school they knew the lesson/week before what was needed, so she probably knew last Monday what was required food science cookery tomorrow.

On that basis, DSD is 33% to blame not telling a parent sooner, mother is 33% to blame for not sorting it before she came to you and DH is 33% to blame for not sorting it on Saturday and leaving it yo you.

You shouldn't have had to bail her out but you did 😇 🌺

To be honest a lot of what you are describing is pretty normal for a 13 yr old . Re the school shoes thing , how do you know that the mother hasn't been going on and on about not leaving things out in case the dog chews them, that there is a cupboard to put shoes away safely in and DSD 'forgot' and kicked them off as she walked through the front door ?
I don't know how much communication you all have with the Mother , but I would be wary of taking absolutely everything a 13 year old child in this situation says as gospel.

My kids stepmum used to refuse to wash their uniforms and I had to do it when they returned on a Sunday

Your ex oh was the problem here!

Your current OH is the problem now, it all cost more because you used a Tesco express. Had he been organised you could've gone to a conventional store. He should've sorted it when first told.

OP, my mum let me read Stephen King when I was 13. I loved reading at that age.
DSS is 10 and terrible for presenting school letters in the morning when slips need to be signed and in that very day. And they're always things he needs cash for, Sods law we don't have any in the house on that day either!

No they can’t stay there as I would see my husband 4 nights a month 😂😂

EOW and most of the school holidays.

So, holidays aside, they only see their father 4 nights a month?

No they see him one evening a week too.

And his accommodation isn’t suitable for the kids to stay in.

I am sure it’s fairly standard for children to spend EOW with the NRP

I really don't think it's worth causing an argument. It would be good if the DSD was a little more organised but she shouldn't be made to feel she is trouble for the sake of a few ingredients. Tbh my DS's friend (who also does catering with him at school) never seems to have ingredients so I now usually text him when I get DS stuff! His mum seems to work long hours and I am not sure about his Dad but it seems a bit chaotic in hishouse. On mother's day he gave me a thank you card - was so touched (and I never cry but might have shed some tears then!)

I am sure it’s fairly standard for children to spend EOW with the NRP hmm

It may well be, but your earlier post suggested that he had the option to spend more time with his children but didn't because you wouldn't see him as much, despite the fact that they were expected to manage seeing him that infrequently.

Your update clarifies the situation, but it still sounds as though they need more stability and would benefit from more contact with their father and/or you. Is there an option to move closer so that they could live with you but still attend the same school?

Your update clarifies the situation, but it still sounds as though they need more stability and would benefit from more contact with their father and/or you. Is there an option to move closer so that they could live with you but still attend the same school

Are you actually serious?

Yanbu. Fair enough to get ingredients if she'd been told on friday and needed them on monday, but if her mum knew last monday then she ought to have sorted it. Agree that your dh should have done it on saturday though, given that he knew about it and you didn't.
I wouldn't let dsd take home clothes snd shoes that I bought until such time as she started looking after them. It's not your responsibility to keep ex wife's dog in chew toys! Dsd has to start taking care of her stuff - you are right not to replace the phone.
Take no notice of batshit posters telling you to move. If they rtft they would know that you also have children to consider.
I do agree that it is right for your dh to top up dinner money and buy what his dc need - cm is a pittance compared to the true cost of raising dc.

It’s about what we can afford though isn’t it?

Pay £500 pm then another £100 on top of that at least for petrol plus mobile phones and Equity plan things.

It annoys me that DH bails her out when she needs to start taking responsibility and almost slates her mum for not doing things a 13 year old is perfectly capable of doing.

FWIW, I’m in the YANBU camp. I think it’s pretty weird to take groceries on a 2.5hr drive. Surely there’s supermarkets near their DM or somewhere along the route...

I'm not a step parent so maybe easy for me to say but surely it's should be about the child. In a few short years the maintenance stops. Talk of washing and buying a few ingredients is really petty.

Travelling such a distance with ingredients that could potentially (I’m guessing) go off is stupid. Her mum had a whole week to sort it out and should have done so. Her mum needs to sort the dog out and regardless of the step daughter leavingthings lying around the dog should be taught not to chew. I wouldn’t be happy with things being taken and constantly having to be replaced, I’m sure the op isn’t made of money. The child maintenance surely should cover some things and those saying to move are just being stupid. Why should she move? She also has kids of her own or can people not read? It’s not just about this one incident it’s evedything put together and I’m sure it’s fucking annoying.

Yes - it is.