AIBU to think we shouldn’t always have to do this?

[MrsDylanBlue]

Step parent so will prob get flamed but here goes.

DSD1 who is 13 told me today at 15:50 (Sunday) that she has cooking tomoz at school and needs ingredients.

They were also getting ready for the 2.5 hour drive home. OH texted their Mum and asked if she could grab what she needs (I suggested that as we had been in town she could of mentioned it then - OH proceeds to tell me she asked him yday) her Mum said no it is our responsibility as our weekend.

Anyway I quickly took her to Tesco express and got the things she needed that we didn’t have so she didn’t get into trouble.

I have also sorted it out for her in the past.

AIBU to think the RP should really be sorting this out. It never once crossed my mind that my ex would provide ingredients for school cooking as he pays me maintenance (as does DH to his ex) also the practicality of transporting says ingredients Home.

Ooh how do you get online library books?!

Do you also begrudge spending money on clothing for your own children?

scrumples

Thank you I will let DH know - although the girls will need a working tablet 😂😂

I don’t see why it doesn’t make sense for the dad to get them - I can see that it would have been equally easy for both parents to sort out so surely whoever was with the dd when she remembered would just get them? It wouldn’t even occur to me to think ‘oh this is her job not ours’.

Sounds like he’s moved away to live with you OP so the whole ‘an egg shouldn’t travel 150 miles’ thing is kind of not the dd or dm’s fault so not really a factor.

If you want clothes and shoes to stay at yours check her bag or get DH to, simple. She’s a kid, she wants the nice things that are bought for her to be with her.

As for taking care of her stuff - yes she should but Home sounds a bit chaotic so maybe she doesn’t have a lot of support in doing that, and as the ‘consequences’ part of their brain isn’t even fully developed yet it’s unsurprising that things get left where the (clearly badly trained!) dog can chew them. Giving over an old lunch box of your child’s isn’t exactly sacrifice of the century.

You can also pay on Amazon about £8/ month and she'll get access to a huge database.

Regarding the cooking stuff- yes to bigger, non perishable items, no to the lonely egg for example.

However, if they're mum is that bad, I'm not sure why you'd expect her to deal with this

their!

She will love it as we go to the charity shops together when they are here and pick up loads of books for them to read.

DSD1 likes it because I let her read what she wants as I don’t think you should censor reading so she reads things that are a bit more “grown up” here (within reason) and then we talk about it.

But they're children. What you are describing is neglect and you should take the decision out of their hands.

Report to social services. And. Tell the school.

Not sure I quite got your reply to this... You say you have reported to SS and school? What? The fact that their dog chews up stuff, and she sometimes doesn't have lunch (partly because she sometimes forgets it)? I don't always have bread for sandwiches in, if mum asked DC if she could use her 'card' to get lunch at school, I doubt DC would know how much money was on there, so could be left with no lunch money. That's not neglect though, unless there's more going on.

How many children do you both have between you (incl yours)? I see that your hands are to a very large extent tied by virtue of being a step-parent.

So paying maintenance makes the ex some kind of children’s maid? Absolving the father of any kind of responsibility?

Perhaps the 13 year old should take responsibility and let her mum know sometime before the 11th hour?

It's a bit crap for your DSD to have to worry who she asks about cooking ingredients. I'd say it is a collective responsibility of all her parents to get her sorted for school on Monday.
Maybe make it DSDs responsibility to sort it (walk to the corner shop etc) provided she is given money for it.
I'm a step parent but in DSS's case I'm more the primary parent so I'd put it on the calendar to ask what they were cooking the following week and get the ingredients. Anything I'd forgotten I'd get him to fetch himself.
If her DM doesn't want the responsibility then put a reminder in your phone to ask DSD what's required. Hand her the bag when she goes home. No drama. Pick your battles I guess.

olivesnutsandcheese

Yes that’s a good plan.

I don't know what the issue is. You said you quickly popped into Tesco and picked up the bits, so what's the problem? It's not much to do to help our your step daughter! Sounds really petty. You should be making her feel more welcome.

olivesnutsandcheese

3 each, 3 adults now.

VladmirsPoutine

Sorry that was @ you

Her mum could have sorted the ingredients over the weekend. Can either of you request the school sends notification by email so you and her dad are aware of what's needed and when.
Also Dad could top up lunch account weekly it should be possible to do online, at least you know she will be eating. My DS's dinners at high school are about at £3 daily for a hot meal.

Seems like you’re getting a rough ride here op.

I think homework that had been set, on the Monday before the weekend, should have been completed during the week. Let’s face it, ingredients for food tech should be classed as homework, and it shouldn’t be left to the last minute.

Nice that you got it sorted for her.

I dont think OP sounds petty, the childrens mother sounds hopeless...I can imagine it's frustrating.

DH has asked for email contact (he has PR) but one of the schools is a bit crap.

DSD1 told mectiya that they have both had letters re attendance but DSD2 is having tomoz off to collect a new pet

Have already said OH was a fault when he knew yesterday , but on a lighthearted note, I swear all my kids thought it was compulsory to give me a list of cookery ingredients at 9:00pm on a Sunday so we had to do a mad dash on the way to school next morning. I also think the school was complicit in this because cooking was always a Monday morning so the fact that we have easy access to a couple of 24 hour supermarkets was rendered useless.

I think DSD1 was grateful I sorted it but I don’t want her to look upon me doing something like that for her like I am some kind of hero.

I asked her what normally happens and she normally has to sit it out after cobbelling together what there is at home.

How often do they see their father? Do you think they would be more inclined to live with you if they spent more time at your house?