Not invited to what I thought was a friends wedding, not 🌃 the evening do after she sat chatting to me about her wedding!

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

We met at a baby massage class when our dc were about 4 months many meet ups...

Loads talk of her hoping to get married... But other things to sort ie personal conversation... At one point meeting once a week... Then more sparodic asked dc went to nursery etc.

I thought she was a friend. She said one day... 'I'm getting married.. Date is x. Church.. Little reception at church for local ladies she has just met.. Then sit down dinner hotel then... Evening do.

She spoke to me at length about it, showed me wedding magazines... Said a mum form the school caught wind of it and joked about going she said..

' I thought no you cheeky cow I don't know you! Maybe I would invite her to the evening do if I got to know her more.. But no!!'

Her dd has just started school last September and she has moved to new school area... So new friends..

I didn't expect invite to anything but evening do. And it's not come wedding in two weeks.

But... In meantime I get the odd text.. How am I.. Enjoying weather.. She hopes to see us soon!!

I wanted to send her funny text last week re Megan's wedding and hers and its stuck me...

I'm not invited. Texting now looks like fishing!!

Would you carry I'm friends afternoon this? She's considering inviting people from school she has known a few months.. But not me.

I feel hurt.

It happens, you have probably invested more into the relationship than she has without realising it. I used to regularly watch a 'friend's daughter when she wanted to go out/shop/get her hair done etc. We regularly had a wine and movie night went on day trips etc. I knew she was planning a marriage, but since she didn't mention it much, I thought it was distant. It wasn't. Another neighbour was invited, I found out about it when she asked if I could water her plants and collect her mail whilst she was on her honeymoon. Turns out I had actually been free childcare and insurance entertainment if her real friends were not available. I declined her kind option of helping her again, and we do not speak now. It is no loss to me, I didn't lose a friend, because she never actually was one.

Dadshere that's awful!!

Its hard when you think you are friends or feel you click but realise actually you did but they didnt. Been there done that too OP. Best to just enjoy time with those who enjoy yours.

How insensitive of her. I think she might, to quote Stacey to Leanne on the RHOC, see you as a 'social friend'.

And I am sorry but if somebody told me the invite got lost I'd know they were talking out their ass. You put her on the spot and she made up the cat ate my homework excuse. Don't tell me you actually believe that
Didn’t make myself very clear. We had been invited both verbally then via a save the date txt a year before. Then nothing...
Hence my asking!

She's no friend. End it.

Unless I’ve missed it somewhere OP you don’t actually know that this other woman was invited? You are just assuming?

It’s a small wedding. You can’t always invite everyone sadly.

Thanks for all comments.
The whole thing was bizarre... Friendships are tricky.. I wouldn't expect anything from her.. I know she has circle of much closer friend than me and so do I!

It's not even so much the wedding.. It's the aftermath... How does one move forward from this. I just don't feel she has behaved appropriately and certainly not how I would if roles were reversed... Treat others how, you would like to be treated!!

It's the shame we had quite a bit in common with family issues, similar tastes in it other things...

For me the friendship is over. She has made lots of effort to include local ladies (elderly ladies) into her day. As well as newer friends etc.. I don't know how many invited in total off top of head 40.. 50 to day and a few more for evening buffet.

I couldn't respond to any future messages after this..

I was obviously just a fill in to her when she had no one else to meet!

At lest no more time will be wasted listening to her problems. I genuinely wish her a lovely day and much happiness.. She hasn't had easy time.. But for me.. That's it.

I don’t think I could move forward to be honest OP I’d just be cool with her and not bother to be honest if she asked why I’d just say you assumed your friendship wasn’t as it previously was , I’d prob not mention the wedding but she’s made it clear where you come in the pecking order of friends , I would t spend my valuable time on someone like that .

Oh I had wedding with 16 people just family and my best friend and explained to others I was friends with this was the case , everyone understood it was a tiny wedding .

Do you know what of this person continued to talk to me about the wedding although it’s generally thought to be crass to do so I think I’d say
‘ I’m a bit confused to why you keep talking to me about the wedding ? I assumed I wasn’t invited’

Well I havant seen her since that day and had a few texts etc but yes..

It's over.

Sounds like the best decision for you OP just a shame to have to make it.

Were her texts as normal? Did you reply to them?

Best decision. Just let her drift. She won't ask. She'll find someone else to use.

Wouldn't bother replying to her texts. Just get her loose.

Yes I was replying until the one I was going to write about the Royal wedding, then it hit me. I'm not invited at all, it will not only look like I'm fishing but now I'm put in difficult awkward position.

Anything I get her from her I will just ignore now. I just hope she doesn't have a the gall to send me pics or tell me how her special day went

I know a lot of people who are more interested in having the ‘right’ people around rather than invite people they actually know/like. Sometimes I’ve been one of the in-crowd, sometimes I’ve been left out. Either way, those kinds of people are kind of sad and weird. I’ve never understood it.

‘ I’m a bit confused to why you keep talking to me about the wedding ? I assumed I wasn’t invited’

^^

This is what I’d say

'I just hope she doesn't have a the gall to send me pics or tell me how her special day went grin'

I'd not open them if I saw them and just block if she does that, don't give this anymore headspace.

Nursy I would have said that if of seen her again.
It was all odd. Just sad isn't it.

Yes expat I won't it's bizzare

She has sent us bday cards over the years that all got here and in the random exception that the invite didn't make it.. Wouldn't you chase up!!

Bizarre messages how low she has been.. The weather getting her down.. Then about being busy with wedding... Then hope to see me soon .

Oh well ce la Vie.

The childish part of me want her to message me about the wedding!! So I can respond

Maybe I have done something..

She had no support network when she had her dd as such and neither did I. She would talk about watching each other dc but I couldn't commit to it.

When I had my first dc I had no support network and a feeling friends with similar age babies always used to say.. Oh let me have her..

Well I never took them up but once or twice over a few years I was desperate and they always said no.

I didn't want to be that flaky and casually offer what I couldn't give and I never asked her to watch my dd either.
Also her dd had massive issues with sharing. Not occasionally but every single time her dd came to me or us to them her dd would go crazy if my dd touched anything!! I was really struggling at the time...

So maybe it's because she feels I never helped her out. But I did offer other stuff when her partner went away... Anyway.. It's all bygone now and too late and I'm not going to go into it.

'Bizarre messages how low she has been.. The weather getting her down.. Then about being busy with wedding... Then hope to see me soon confused.'

Nothing bizarre about those messages, it's the classic lead in so you'll contact her and she can use you as a sounding board yet again.

Many years ago a friend had a ‘big’ birthday do (whole weekend, hired venue etc), I was gutted to not be invited. Years later I found then’archived’ messages on Facebook - they’d sent the invite to an old address & just before the fo had messaged me as they needed to confirm numbers. I really regret not asking or saying something as I missed out on a great weekend.

Your friends behaviour (telling you about plans etc) at least warrants a phone call or over coffee to say ‘I had assumed maybe we’d be invited, is it something I said or did’ which then allows her to say ‘but you are?’ or explain herself (as you’ve already written off the friendship then why not!?). Awkward, but perhaps she really has invited you & thinks you are being odd not replying then not turning up!?

The planet I would chase up invite.. Not leave it for invitee.. She has sent stuff in post... Before soo..