Not invited to what I thought was a friends wedding, not 🌃 the evening do after she sat chatting to me about her wedding!

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

We met at a baby massage class when our dc were about 4 months many meet ups...

Loads talk of her hoping to get married... But other things to sort ie personal conversation... At one point meeting once a week... Then more sparodic asked dc went to nursery etc.

I thought she was a friend. She said one day... 'I'm getting married.. Date is x. Church.. Little reception at church for local ladies she has just met.. Then sit down dinner hotel then... Evening do.

She spoke to me at length about it, showed me wedding magazines... Said a mum form the school caught wind of it and joked about going she said..

' I thought no you cheeky cow I don't know you! Maybe I would invite her to the evening do if I got to know her more.. But no!!'

Her dd has just started school last September and she has moved to new school area... So new friends..

I didn't expect invite to anything but evening do. And it's not come wedding in two weeks.

But... In meantime I get the odd text.. How am I.. Enjoying weather.. She hopes to see us soon!!

I wanted to send her funny text last week re Megan's wedding and hers and its stuck me...

I'm not invited. Texting now looks like fishing!!

Would you carry I'm friends afternoon this? She's considering inviting people from school she has known a few months.. But not me.

I feel hurt.

She has probably invited the school mum friends because she sees these friendships as more likely to continue in the future now that her dd is at school. It would be hard to invite some of them and not others.

In your position I would feel a bit hurt and distance myself from the friendship.

To be clear whilst we used to meet more often that has dropped off since dc at school.. But as said I thought a solid friendship was established... She has had lots on in past year, moving (same area) her dd starting school... Fitting in with new life... Both had close personal loss...

So sorry that this has happened to other people. Its so insensitive. Its hard to say to someone's face, I'm getting married but your not invited.. What do you think of this dress!

If it was church and meal, fine but the evening do!!

Anyway I feel much better about it now I just needed to get it off my chest.
The problem is I don't feel the same about her and as pp said I'm not going to be someone brought in to listen to her issues.. But not share any other moments with her.

I feel like I have been sent a message loud and clear. I'm not going to angle for invite or anything like that infact. I may even be away, but I can't chat to her after or meet up like nothing has happened.
At another group at the time I met another mum, infact our dc even go to the the sane school. As comparison we see each other every week at school drop off, pick up all the dc school parties.. We also now know each other quite well but she is definalty loose acquaintance, never in Millon years would I expect to go to any part of her wedding..

It's hard to meet friends when older... It all occurred to me in this Megan wedding whirl wind, anyway time to get over it!!

In response to pp who said what do I look like I would love to say I'm utterly stunning so that maybe why but that's sadly not true and I don't think she is shallow like that anyway. Also another guest is a knock out kitty Spencer type.

Maybe it's money though.. Who knows..

''The fact that she chatted readily with you about the wedding suggests that she felt it was completely clear and natural that you wouldn't expect to be invited.

That makes me think that you have just misread the situation completely: Either you aren't as close a friend as you think you are, or you have the wrong idea about how widely wedding invites have to be sent out to people in the bride's circle.''

Ah no, the fact the bride did this shows she has 0 social skills and is downright inappropriate. Some ppl just are completely clueless over social behaviour-for example at my old workplace a colleague getting married came into the work canteen 1 day and started handing out wedding invites and leaving the non invited sitting there. I was not close to the girl but we still chatted and I felt uncomfortable but it was so inappropriate I felt.

I can imagine her being nervous and that's why she rattled off about it.. But.. Telling me about cheeky school mum expecting invite.. That she hardly knows really pushes my status down ie I am so low down... She feels its OK to talk to me about other invitees... Like you might to staff...

I was so exited for her when she initially told me over lunch! I have been hearing for years about this wedding and she has been a bit up and down with her partner and has awkward family.. We both do and as she often said we have so much in common and very similar issues..

Eggzandbacon ''I understand money is a huge factor but not inviting the main people you spend all your time with, strange.''

nope not really, I have seen such behaviour and it is surprisingly common how quickly people are to dump others. Did you invite the couple then to your wedding?

I'd be relieved. Weddings are usually tedious in the extreme. And you don't have to buy her a gift or give her a wodge of cash now. Win-win!

True expat.. My dc have not been to wedding yet though and for little one I thought it would be lovely...

I wouldn't say I'm a main person in her life but def more than aqaintance.

'My dc have not been to wedding yet though and for little one I thought it would be lovely...'

A lot of people have childfree ones as it is due to expense. I'd never expect my kids to be invited to a wedding. They're not missing much. Just let her watch the Royal Wedding on YouTube. You've seen one, you've seen 'em all .

@boilerhouse2007 no we didn’t - we only went to a registry office with very few people and they were put out they weren’t invited - by then we had stopped hanging out too
The elephant in the room of their wedding just hung over us - they had a massive wedding too.

I think if they had mentioned something about it before it would have helped. But then seeing pictures of people from him and DHs work they weren’t even friendly with was frankly bizarre.

OP, I think it’s quite rare in any friendship for both people to see it exactly the same way. Some people have lots of friends and other people only have a few close ones. If you’re someone who only has a few close friends you might have higher expectations of what friendship means, whereas if one of your friends has loads of friends, you might be less important to them. Friendships also evolve over time and you might be really close one moment and then have drifted away later. You might think you can be just as good friends with her even though you don’t see each other as often any more, whereas with her it might be more of a case of, “out of sight, out of mind”.

I can see why you’re upset, but try not to dwell on it. I once didn’t get invited to a friend’s wedding when te year before we had been living together and she even said, “Would you be offended if I didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid? I’ve got about six or seven people I would like to ask but I think that’s too many.” About six months later I realised I hadn’t been invited to the engagement party, and it didn’t take long to work out that I wasn’t invited to any of it. But she didn’t have the maturity to say anything to me about it and just stopped talking to me. It was the end of the friendship because there was nothing I could say that didn’t sound like, “Why didn’t you invite me to your wedding?”

If you’re still talking to each other, at least you have the choice to continue with the friendship if you want to. But you’ll just have to accept that you’re probably less important to her than you thought you were.

Look on the bright side. Evening invites are the worst! Who wants to put on a fancy outfit and drive a long way to a do where you haven’t been there for the ceremony, the dinner or the speeches and you’re just one of a group of lower tier friends arriving for three hours of bad school disco music and paying for their own drinks at the bar? At least you don’t have to find a polite excuse not to go to that.

Eggzandbacon and did they ever address it to you? I would like to say it sounds very bizarre but having read enough threads on mn and personally experienced such behaviour it really does not suprise me 1 bit.

Were they always over at your house etc before the wedding? Did they address not being invited to your wedding and what did they say?

londonrach
It’s the exact opposite scenario here though. Op has known the woman for several years and she’s inviting people she’s known 5 minutes.

I can see where you're coming from Op & can understand how hurtful that must be. If I were you, I'd just detach as she's obviously not a true friend, so better to get rid now.

So she did move to a “naice” school then to be with the “gathered” mummies. That’ll be why.

Something similar happened to me with a colleague. Three of us lunched together every day, sent personal chat emails throughout the day, but didn’t see each other outside of work. When she was getting married, all the emails turned to links to hotels, dresses, shoes and flowers. She asked me to do something official regarding a visa a few months before her wedding which I agreed to though it wasn’t then needed in the end. Roll on to her wedding, and while we were not expecting to be invited to her wedding day, she didn’t invite either of us to her evening reception. That would have been ok except she invited random other people from the office to the full day and night, people she had frequently bit*hed about.

We never understood it and it was very embarrassing in work as people kept asking us if we were looking forward to it and we had to be truthful and say we were not invited to be met with baffled uncomfortable faces.

We never knew the reason for it and afterwards she emailed photos of her dress for us to admire. It was so odd. I never met her for lunch again and later left the company. She tried to get in touch a few times but I replied briefly and stopped replying altogether after a while. Some years. later she sent a message asking me for an ‘update’ on my life. Obviously I never replied.

Some people are only friends when it suits them at a particular point in their lives even though they don’t see it as any long term friendship. It sounds like this is the case for your friend OP. She sees you as an acquaintance, not a friend.

I’d just ask her, “am I invited?”
I had this once from some one who is a friend but lives a long way away. Been informed of the date a year before then....nothing. In the end, a month before I asked, saying I totally understood if the numbers had not worked out. They thought th e6 had sent me an invite and I hadn’t RSVPd. Friend said she had meant to txt to ask but so much going on with wedding drama she just hadn’t.
Things do go astray in the post so perhaps she thinks you are invited, hence the conversations. If not it’s a bit weird.

''I’d just ask her, “am I invited?”
I had this once from some one who is a friend but lives a long way away. Been informed of the date a year before then....nothing.... They thought th e6 had sent me an invite and I hadn’t RSVPd. Friend said she had meant to txt to ask but so much going on with wedding drama she just hadn’t.
Things do go astray in the post''

No do NOT ask are you invited, have some pride. And I am sorry but if somebody told me the invite got lost I'd know they were talking out their ass. You put her on the spot and she made up the cat ate my homework excuse. Don't tell me you actually believe that.

Absolutely don’t ask if you are invited and don’t believe tripe like the invitation got lost in the post. Retain your dignity.

A similar thing happened to a group at college i knew, basically there were a couple and 2 girls in the group. The couple became friends with 3 girls in the class for like 5 minutes and shunned the 2 old friends and invited the new girls on holidays. Was bizarre and caused much awkwardness...

Another 4 of us used to hang round in uni and I thought we were great mates, anyway 1 of the group was going to USA for summer visa and only asked 1 of the group. I let on i did not know and suggested doing it to the friend that was going and was told 'oh no me and my mates are going just''. No invite and this same mate used to come to my house all the time to use as a drinking pad but i was dropped at the drop of a hat...

''We never understood it and it was very embarrassing in work as people kept asking us if we were looking forward to it and we had to be truthful and say we were not invited to be met with baffled uncomfortable faces.''

that is the worst part, wen ppl ask you and you have to admit you were not invited. If even others assume you are going it shows how bizarre it is.

I hate hearing about wedding preps. I would refuse to entertain it if I am not close enough to go to the wedding.

@boilerhouse2017 by the we got married we didn’t hang around with each other. The guy did say to DH (at work - that’s how we met) ‘I was surprised we weren’t invited as we are such good mates’ - we hardly saw them by then. Like I said odd.

We did hang around before the wedding - I had assumed it was numbers/money until afterwards seeing who else had been invited.

We’d already distanced ourselves due to some CF behaviour. Then when we had DC he was one of those people who liked to compare children all then and kept trying to make out his were ‘better’. So glad I don’t see them now

Eggzandbacon

''The guy did say to DH (at work - that’s how we met) ‘I was surprised we weren’t invited as we are such good mates’ - we hardly saw them by then. ''

Christ some ppl have no dignity, how could anybody possibly ask somebody why they were not invited to their wedding? What did your dh respond to this? Also shows how hypocritical he is-another thing that baffles me in ppl.