To think this isn't cluster feeding, it's all bloody day feeding, and it's miserable

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

DD2 is 3 weeks old. She is predominantly breast fed and she feeds ALL DAY LONG. This morning she fed from 7 am to midday when I eventually caved and gave her a couple of ounces of formula so we could leave the sodding house. She fed on and off this afternoon (slept for maybe 2 hours in total). She started the constant nursing again at about 5pm and it will now go on until about 10pm when she will either fall asleep or I will cave and give a couple more ounces of formula. She sleeps then till about 2am, feeds for an hour, and then sleeps to between 5am and 7am when we start the constant feeding again.

DD1 is 3. I get no time with her at all at the moment and I feel like it's ruining our relationship - all she wants is Daddy.

All the MWs and HVs have said that this is cluster feeding and perfectly normal. Initially they said it would improve after 2 weeks but it hasn't. And I don't know anyone IRL who had this issue with their DC so can reassure me.

I'm sick to death of having a baby permanently clamped to me. My nipples are so sore after 5 hours of breastfeeding. I don't have time to play with my other daughter and I hate it - I miss her so much. I can cope at the moment because my OH or DM are here with me all the time but at some point I will have both girls on my own. AIBU to think this constant breast feeding is not sustainable with another child and ask you what you'd do in my situation?

Your title made me laugh. Oh yes. The things they don’t tell you about BF’ing

Sure Someone will be along to sprinkle glitter on your experience and make it sound nice and normal

I was in your situation except I had no other children. I started supplementing with formula. Wish I had done it sooner. Saved myself a load of grief and baby was happy as Larry.

It will settle down, but not until 6 weeks ish. What happens if you take her for a walk? Or can you partner not take her from you for a bit. I would keep breastfeeding cos once feeding is well established it's easier than having to make bottles etc. Have you had the latch checked and is she putting on weight?

I’m no expert, but that doesn’t sound right. Do you mean she is latched on for the whole time? Or off and on? I’d see if you can get someone to check her latch/for tongue tie in case there’s some inefficient transfer of milk.

I know this is very tiring. Hand on heart it does get better.
Reflect on what realistically you will want a day to look like and when by. Feeding will even out a bit then they'll grow and there will be 1-3 days of crazy again.
You can do it. Which is good. You could try mixed feeding. Which is good. You could try formula. Which is good.

My forst lasted for 8h. She used to feed from 8pm until 6/8am solid then sleep for a few hours them start agin. This lasted 8 weeks. It then eased but she always fed slowly, misdiagnosed tongue tie. Dd2 fed for 3-4h at a time, felt like forever but i just unlatched her when i needed to do something in the end. Again lasted for 6-8 weeks. She continued to feed all night until passed 1. Thank goodness for co sleeping.
Huge hugs, it does get easier but do what you need to.

It does sound like normal cluster feeding to me assuming she is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies? My DD was the same but it did get better in time.

You have to do what works for you and your family. I often feed my DD while she's in a baby carrier, but that still wouldn't leave you completely free to play with your other DC.

Essentially your options are to stick it out longer to see if things improve, combi feed, or switch to formula. It would be easy to say to stick it out a little longer, but I have never been in your position.

Sounds horrible - has she been checked for tongue tie (by someone qualified)? My dd's was missed by 4 different people & her feeding was much as you describe. things did improve after she had it snipped, but her feeds were always long

You don't have to breastfeed if its not working for you. Mix feed if you want to, but your mental health matters more than breastfeeding.

I don't think all day cluster feeding for days on end is normal at any age, despite many people who will likely come along to tell you it is.

I had people tell me the same. Including the infant feeding team. I was a FTM and even though it didn't seem right I believed everyone because they are experts or been through it before. But cluster feeding typically is for a 3-4 hour stretch a day. Or odd days for longer periods. Not ALL day EVERY day.

DS weight dropped off the chart but MW and HV weren't concerned. Turns out they were all bloody wrong about it being normal and my DS has tongue tie undiagnosed for first 4 weeks of his life. Poor soul was struggling to feed. Weight didn't improve though and it wasn't until the GP at 6 week check who took it seriously and said i must supplement, he was very close to being hospitalised. Turns out the first revision was incomplete so was redone at 8 weeks. My supply was massively compromised and I had to mix feed onwards. All the professionals supposedly supporting us and encouraging us with breastfeeding are the ones that let us down and meant we couldn't EBF.

Even if your DD is gaining weight, to cluster feed so excessively (if it's like that every day) would indicate to me she is struggling transferring milk. I would ask to be referred to someone who can check for tongue tie who is qualified to do so. Infant feeding team where I live aren't qualified. so I was massively let down. I wish people had listened to me early on rather than quick to hear 'cluster feeding' and state it's normal. When in some circumstances it's not.

Could she be comfort sucking for some of this?
I didn't know about this with my first and she constantly used me as a dummy

Could your DH take DD2 out in the prom/ sling to distract her for half an hour tomorrow morning so you can get a bit of a break/ get a cuddle in with DD1.

My first weeks being a mum to two kids was overwhelming at times, I didn't think I was going to cope once the help dried up. But I did.

And you will too.

This is why I'm planning on mix feeding DC2. DC1 is 3, and has ASD, so is v demanding. I can't imagine cluster feeding working for us at all.

I breastfed my baby for about 7 hours a day total until she was 3 months old. At that point she got more interested in her surroundings and started having much shorter feeds. I never knew this was not necessarily the norm until my friend with a new baby said she feeds her baby for 2 hours a day. My baby never slept in the day really until about 4 or 5 months. She was probably snoozing on me while feeding.

First baby though and this went on through the winter so we were inside a lot anyway. Sofa became a bit of a prison at times though I have to be honest.

Hope you find a solution. Good that you're combination feeding though I should have done that and 7 months in still haven't cracked formula feeding, nowhere near it. Good luck.

She's been checked for tongue tie by two MWs who both said definitely not that. Her latch isn't brilliant, it's quite shallow and she squishes my nipple. I've had advice from NCT, MWs and HVs on what to try to correct it but it's not making much difference.

I had a similar problem, while living in Thailand with a 2 month dd, after I got into a bit of a mess, a new Aussie friend suggested that she may be thirsty as much as hungry, so I found a bottle and gave her some boiled, cooled water, and bingo!! She was happier, I got my sanity back, and dh could help a bit, especially as he didn't smell of milk, which was just about the only thing I was associated with in her little mind.

Whether that will help I can't say, but it may give you a bit of respite. It's certainly warm at the moment, so it might be worth a try. I'd been drained dry by her and was really at the end of my tether, it hadn't occurred to me that it could be something other than hunger. I fed her for 18 months in the end, but this period was very hard. Good luck, but if formula fills the gap, use it, and be gentle with yourself.

Cluster feeding is normal yes, but you would only expect that to be some of the day, not all day as you are describing.

Babies who feed in the sort of pattern you are describing are often feeding inefficiently - this can be due to a shallow latch, or tongue tie, or just that they are still learning how to feed. I would suggest seeking some real life support on improving the latch. Breast compressions can also help in the meantime.

It sounds like you’re having a really tough few weeks, and that you are feeling like you’ve been sold a pup. Get a bit of help - sometimes a small tweak is all it takes to make a huge difference to feeding.

And be kind to yourself.

3 weeks was a hellish time for me with DS. The cluster feeding was awful. Also he used to fall asleep on the boob but wake up and scream if I moved him so even once he was finished and asleep I still had to sit there blimming holding him for hours.
I would get some RL support - go to a bfing support group and chat and feed with other mums who have been or are going through the same. Get latch checked again and monitor nappies to make sure milk is transferring properly. Try a dummy (DS wouldn't take one but worth a shot). Rest and eat as much as you can - hopefully you are getting a break now and then. Don't discount the advantages of the odd bottle of formula so you can rest - I had to do this at 3w and it saved my sanity. Then ebf-ed til 6 months and still bf-ing now at 11months.

Oh, and gaining weight, lots of wet and pooey nappies, no concerns there.

I agree with @Panda81. People online will tell you almost anything to do with BF is normal but constant incessant feeding since birth? Not normal. What is the baby's weight gain like? What is her nappy output? And why do you see formula supplements as "cave in"? If your baby needs additional milk, then she needs it.

If I were you, I'd get the baby's weight checked with a doctor and then consider mixed feeding (assuming you still want to BF to some extent).

I'd also introduce a dummy if you haven't already.

Cross posted there OP:
Squashed nipple is definitely an indicator of a shallow latch.
Sadly, not all midwives/HVs have extensive BF training - it’s worth seeing if there are any BF cafes or LLL meetings near you, or try the National Breastfeeding helpline.

You deserve good quality support x

There is nothing wrong with the baby doing it, so it's normal in that sense, but it is on the heavy side for feeding, isn't it? I'd be inclined to switch to formula myself, having done this once and having no desire to do it again.

She is using you as a dummy. I did this with ds1 and but was wise to it with dd. She is not feeding all that time, just using you for comfort. Please get her a dummy instead and you will enjoy her much more.

I really feel for you. Sounds utterly awful.

How do you feel about supplementing with formula a little more? Or moving to formula altogether?

I’m currently FF my second baby. BF didn’t work for me, both physically and mentally which came as a shock. I grew up in a family where BF was completely normal, the ‘done’ thing with no hang ups and the women produced milk with no problems.

My mum never gave any of us any formula at all. Not being able to BF really rocked me but once I made the move to formula I felt a million times better.

It’s not a personal failing of it doesn’t work for you.

I don’t think midwives are that well qualified to check for tongue tie.

What is your nipple like when she comes off the latch? Ask your GP to refer you to a proper tongue tie accessor at hospital.
Can you get to a breastfeeding group?

I obviously wouldn't want to advocate doing anything you don't want to do, but there is no shame in mixed feeding. I did it with my twins after a few weeks as I was basically just tethered topless to the sofa all day every day and I had a lively toddler to deal with. When I made the decision my midwife said that the 'breast/bottle confusion' warnings were nonsense and that babies are perfectly capable and able to switch between the two, In my experience they did and thrived on it.

Don't feel it's ruining your relationship with your older child, it really really isn't. They won't even remember this time - it's just a few weeks and you have your whole lives ahead of you for a great relationship.