To think this isn't cluster feeding, it's all bloody day feeding, and it's miserable

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

DD2 is 3 weeks old. She is predominantly breast fed and she feeds ALL DAY LONG. This morning she fed from 7 am to midday when I eventually caved and gave her a couple of ounces of formula so we could leave the sodding house. She fed on and off this afternoon (slept for maybe 2 hours in total). She started the constant nursing again at about 5pm and it will now go on until about 10pm when she will either fall asleep or I will cave and give a couple more ounces of formula. She sleeps then till about 2am, feeds for an hour, and then sleeps to between 5am and 7am when we start the constant feeding again.

DD1 is 3. I get no time with her at all at the moment and I feel like it's ruining our relationship - all she wants is Daddy.

All the MWs and HVs have said that this is cluster feeding and perfectly normal. Initially they said it would improve after 2 weeks but it hasn't. And I don't know anyone IRL who had this issue with their DC so can reassure me.

I'm sick to death of having a baby permanently clamped to me. My nipples are so sore after 5 hours of breastfeeding. I don't have time to play with my other daughter and I hate it - I miss her so much. I can cope at the moment because my OH or DM are here with me all the time but at some point I will have both girls on my own. AIBU to think this constant breast feeding is not sustainable with another child and ask you what you'd do in my situation?

I’d combi or Ff if it was affecting my relationship with my other child and my life

Is she swallowing. Babies that are actually drinking follow a pattern of suck suck, swallow...suck suck, swallow. You can see the swallow on their neck as their throat muscles clench. If she is not swallowing, she is either not getting milk from you right then, or she is just using you as a human dummy at that moment. Lots of good suggestions by PP for dealing with both of those issues.

It didn't for me. Was going on at 12 weeks. Had tongue tie release three times and grew back again.

I can't talk about tongue tie but I do know about a hungry baby. I didn't produce enough milk at the start. At week 7, I sorted myself out and it was fab and easy until almost age 3. At 12 weeks, I could organise things confident as to how the day would go.

1. How much water are you drinking? You need to start thinking in pints - one per hour as long as you are awake.
2. Protein. The more the better. A mixture of vegetable and meat.
3. You may have a slow flow. A mate fed her dd in 5 minutes flat. Eventually I figured out my dd was 45 minutes per side with a nappy change in between. I bf everywhere otherwise I wouldn't have had a life. But it took lots of screaming and formula top up to reach that realisation.
4. Blessed thistle gave me migraines but fenugreek was a godsend. I got my first letdown at the magic 7 weeks. Capsules first (Nature's Own in Aus) at 12 per day then seed at 3 tsp per day. (Also excellent for constipation, btw).

The first weeks were hard and very much a blur now but I did get there. The mw and infant nurse were no help - I learnt all I know from the internet. But I do still remember dh coming home and having just one word for him - "shower". Then I could detach for an hour.

1. Routine. Again, it took a while but at week 9, I set up the arsenic hour routine of 4pm feed, play (dh) feed, story and bed. I wished I had set it up sooner as she took to it immediately. I was privileged in that dh was home at 3 pm but he did disappear to bed at 8 so it still left a long time without him.

I am a great believer in bf as it is so handy but at 3 weeks, I was roaming the house topless with cracked nipples, sobbing with each formula top up and wondering when the pain would stop. At 7 weeks, I thought I was getting the hang of it and before 12 weeks, I was confident in my skills. You are feeling awful about your toddler. Don't worry. This time will pass and your toddler won't know about the hard weeks. Best of luck.

How are you op?

How ever you have managed in the last 24 hours remember your amazing you have grown a human for 9 months and kept them going mainly with just your boobs for 3 weeks

My DD was like this, she liked to cluster feed through the night, longest feed without being unlatched for more than a few minutes was about 10 hours! Most of which I spent sobbing because it hurt and I was exhausted, what you're feeling is completely normal and doesn't make you a failure at all.
It does get better, DD is now 6 months and has settled into a routine with her feeding

My DD doesn’t have a tongue tie and she used to do this. She was 10 lbs 3 at birth and that only climbed after the initial drop off. She was a hefty baby and needed feeding a lot as a result. I think if we were warned of everything shit about bfing a lot less people would do it, it can be so fucking difficult.

It does improve, eventually. Don’t feel ashamed to mix feed if that’s easier for you.

Not a great 24 hours this end. The last two nights, DD has decided she doesn't like sleeping much at night either so has been feeding 2 or 3 times between 10:30 and 4:30am, and then up for the day. She's still sleeping on me so I'm horribly sleep deprived and there have been a lot of tears. I can't seem to correct her latch so the constant feeding is painful and I've developed stabbing pains in my boobs. I've found a very local lactation consultant and tongue tie practitioner so just waiting to call them after 9am to see if they can see me today.

Really hope the Lactation consultant can see you ASAP! Have you tried feeding lying down on your side? Can help you to get a bit of rest whilst feeding.

My daughter did this at this age, so in my experience it was normal. It gets better

Oh op that’s good news.

Dc1 I really struggled but once Latch sorted I could feed him no problem even though I couldn’t have clothes touching them! As I noted the other night once tt was snipped with dc3 all returned to “normal” pretty quick. I got milk blisters so it was a relief from a pain pov too.

Best of luck from now on in. Well done for looking after 2 with all the sleep deprivation
Xx

Just a quick thank you to everyone who suggested getting my daughter checked for tongue tie. Turns out she did have it and we're just back from getting it snipped. Can't pretend it wasn't a traumatic experience for both of us but am hoping it will mean it's easier for her to feed. She cried so much, though, feeling like a really bad mummy now. One of my nipples is still coming out a bit squashed but we still have some work to do on latch so fingers crossed. Ironically, she's asleep now and I just want her to wake up to feed!

That's wonderful. We had a TT snipped and although it took some work, it improved things so much and we are still feeding 2 yrs later!

No need to feel like a bad mummy, she’ll have forgotten already and feeding will be much easier for her. I didn’t see an instant improvement after DD’s was snipped but a steady one over the next couple of weeks. Hope things improve quickly for you!

Hope you are both ok, the snip was hard for us too & I felt so bad but it did improve things eventually. It did take at least a couple of weeks though as they have to learn how to feed all over again poor little ones.

OP, you are the very opposite of a bad mummy

So glad you got diagnosed and had the TT revised. It is traumatic. My DS had to have it done twice as the first clinic didn't do the posterior tie. Second time was far worse.

Your situation is exactly the reason why it really frustrates me when people are quick to say 'it's normal' whenever there is any talk of cluster feeding. I dread to think about the amount of mums and babies that have struggled with (or given up) breastfeeding because people told them the excessive feeding is 'normal'. Sometimes we have to look at the whole picture and listen to what our babies are trying to tell us.

Good luck over the next few weeks OP. It could go worse before it gets better as your baby needs to relearn the latch. But hopefully not before long and you will see massive improvement.

My ds1 was exactly like this. It was awful.

In my case it did get better but mostly because I resorted to filling him up with formula, I did however fairly successfully mix feed until about 7 months.

Don't feel guilty for doing this if you go down that route.

In my case I just don't think I was producing enough milk. Fenugreek (about 9 tablets a day IIRC) definitely did help with supply a bit.

Also mw referred me to the lactation consultant at the hospital who was very helpful and able to check properly for tongue tie. She was the only one that told me "if you want to give him formula that's totally fine and what I would do".

is she actually feeding though or using you as comfort? the hv advised me to try a dummy as my d's was constantly suckling but wasn't actually feeding he just wanted the comfort.

I think there may be a bit of using me as comfort. Usually when that's what it is she'll take a dummy and settle if you walk around doing the jiggy baby walk. If it's not she'll scream. And usually she screams.

I've got a lovely case of mastitis in my left boob and on antibiotics for it which I think has started to affect my milk supply? My boobs for the middle-of-the-night feed were considerably less full last night and DD has done her feed-all-day routine again today. So no improvement after the TT procedure yesterday but guessing it might take time to bed in? Nipples really sore because she does seem to have sorted out her suck, which is now ferocious. Have started on Fenugreek in the hope that might improve my supply.

This whole episode has been exhausting and demoralising. I don't know anyone IRL who struggled with breastfeeding like i have. I'm going to give it another two weeks to see if anything improves and then consider moving to proper combination feeding or the bottle exclusively... x

Still sounds tough op. Do you have a vibrating chair?

Have just realised that you meant a vibrating chair for baby not for me! Yes, we do, but she'll only sit in that after she's had a bottle...
And apologies for the x in the previous post. I forget I'm not writing text messages.

I didn’t know anyone IRL that struggled as much either. Thank god for MN! You’ve done so well. I remember how hard I found it to get to your point and that was knowing what the problem was from the start! Sympathies with the mastitis. I had a dose early on too and it’s horrific.

I definitely found setting little targets helped. Mine was usually a week or two too, and then I’d reach that target and find it had got that little bit better so I’d set a target of another few weeks. Then I realised I’d gone way past a target without even thinking about it because it was all suddenly so much easier. We are still going at 13 months now, though I mix fed from 9 when I went back to work, and now I only BF at night.

I also found after the TT was sorted that my boobs were less full. DD was putting weight on much faster so I just assumed it was because she was now transferring the milk much more efficiently. They would only actually feel full if she missed a feed. So might not be down to a problem with your supply (I’m certainly no expert mind, just my limited experience of one!). Mine haven’t felt full at all for the last 6 months I’d say and definitely no supply issues.

My first did this, months in still spent half the day and night feeding. I thought it was normal from what health visitors told me until my next 2 DC fed for 5-15 minutes every couple of hours then were fine after!
Not sure what was up with my first, guessing either her latch was wrong or I wasn't drinking enough/wasn't producing enough milk.

That’s not normal. If she’s feeding all that time and still hungry, she can’t be latched on properly and can’t be getting enough.

Contact your local NCT breastfeeding counsellor.

Or La Leche League.

Best of luck. She may be a sucky baby and need a dummy too.