To think this isn't cluster feeding, it's all bloody day feeding, and it's miserable

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

DD2 is 3 weeks old. She is predominantly breast fed and she feeds ALL DAY LONG. This morning she fed from 7 am to midday when I eventually caved and gave her a couple of ounces of formula so we could leave the sodding house. She fed on and off this afternoon (slept for maybe 2 hours in total). She started the constant nursing again at about 5pm and it will now go on until about 10pm when she will either fall asleep or I will cave and give a couple more ounces of formula. She sleeps then till about 2am, feeds for an hour, and then sleeps to between 5am and 7am when we start the constant feeding again.

DD1 is 3. I get no time with her at all at the moment and I feel like it's ruining our relationship - all she wants is Daddy.

All the MWs and HVs have said that this is cluster feeding and perfectly normal. Initially they said it would improve after 2 weeks but it hasn't. And I don't know anyone IRL who had this issue with their DC so can reassure me.

I'm sick to death of having a baby permanently clamped to me. My nipples are so sore after 5 hours of breastfeeding. I don't have time to play with my other daughter and I hate it - I miss her so much. I can cope at the moment because my OH or DM are here with me all the time but at some point I will have both girls on my own. AIBU to think this constant breast feeding is not sustainable with another child and ask you what you'd do in my situation?

This is more than cluster feeding. A baby who is feeding well should have periods of satiety in between feeds. Definitely talk to a lactation consultant.

All 3 of mine did this.

Cluster feeding (all day feeding) was similar to morning sickness (all day sickness).

It is VERY tough. It will pass.

Typical growth spurts are:

during the first few days at home
and around 7-10 days
2-3 weeks
4-6 weeks
3 months
4 months

etc.

Can last a few days, or longer. Mine felt like they lasted forever and then merged into the next growth spurt.

Good luck x

And how awful for someone to suggest a solution that may help a struggling mum to feel better about things ffs

I thought it settled down around 6 weeks?
It's plain sailing after that. Did you bf your first?
Main motivation for me bf was that baby gets my immunity to illness and all the other health benefits that's why I stuck with it when it was difficult and a baby clamped to your boobs for 4-5 hours a time is difficult.
Good luck

Doesn't sound at all normal to me. Definitely get this checked out!
DS did cluster feed but only for a few hours in the evening during a growth spurt. I had to express before 6 weeks as was too full for him to latch and we dis give him a bottle of ebm each day so I could sleep. No effect on supply and no nipple confusion. Used the medela teat as it's very similar to a nipple apparently!

Another one who thinks its normal. It all changed for me after about 6 weeks. I felt the same when i had DD and DS(2) wanted me to do his bedtime story etc and I couldn't. It's shortlived though and your older child won't remember these weeks. If she will take a bottle have you tried expressing and getting your DH to give it to her so you can do bedtime?

See if your midwifery department can give you info on breastfeeding help,some midwives have a special interest.
If your baby is latching onto you nipple then he will not get enough milk quickly and.you will be sore.Yiu need proper help to help your baby to latch,nice open mouth and after the initial latch no pain for you.
You are not a failure what ever way you feed your baby after all this bit is only a small part of the rest of their lives.

My council (Swale) has breastfeeding clinics at the children's centre. I went and had DS checked for tongue tie, which the lactation consultant there diagnosed immediately, even after 3 MV said he didn't have it!! Quick procedure and his latch was perfect. Definitely see a lactation consultant, as MV in my opinion don't know what they're talking about!!

MW not MV. I can't tell I haven't slept well

Have you tried nipple shields? My first had a rubbish latch for no particular reason and this helped for me. I think it just gave him the chance to see how it should be, so I didn't have to use them for long. When I stopped his latch wasn't perfect and there were still a few hour long feeds, but it was much better than before. I think I used Mam ones as they come in different sizes, some are a bit massive.

FYI, I'm pregnant again now and this time I'm damn well mix feeding! I don't see that as failing, our own sanity is too important to overlook! Good luck.

Hi @StepAwayFromGoogle I could have written this! My ds is the same.. From any week 3 on he would cluster feed almost constantly.. (He was in nicu for week 1 and sleepy needing woken for week 2) week 3 he seemed to suddenly realise what hunger was and that he could demand food!
We are now at week 10 and he still cluster feeds alot so he will cluster feed until around 10 every morning and then will take slightly longer breaks to 2 and a half or 3 hours between feeds until about 5 or 6 and then the cluster feeding starts again almost constantly until about 10 or 11. He will usually sleep to around 1 ir 2 then feed for up to 1hour sleep until 4ish and then 6 and then 730/8, 9, 10 until I put him in the pram and go for a walk to distract him. Even with 1 formula bottle in the middle of the day he doesn't have longer than a 3 hour break. Recently we have managed to occasionally get 1 4hour break (from start of one feed to start of next) at night.
It has got a little better (with the exception of last night) or we have just got used to it.. Walking during the day helps to lengthen the gap for us (plus it is often the only way he will nap)
Ds is definitely taking lots of milk, feeds well plenty of wet nappies and regular dirty ones and has now jumped up a percentile in weight (he was only 5lbs when born so did have some catching up to do)
I keep doing the cluster feeding during evening thinking eventually it is bound to lead to him staying full for longer and sleeping longer at night (wishful thinking maybe but I can but hope )

My local surestart centre gave me excellent breastfeeding support. The woman came to the house twice and sat with me for as long as it took. She would have come again and again if i had needed it. This was 7.5 yrs ago but i know she still works there as I take DD3 to groups. Obviously some surestarts are better than others.

Always astonished at how people fall over themselves to recommend formula in a situation like this. If you ever needed some explanation of why we have one of the lowest exclusive breastfeeding rate in Europe - here it is. You have a breastfeeding problem? Just use formula! The first, last and apparently completely great, 100% consequence free resolution to each and every breastfeeding challenge anyone might encounter...

Plenty of people have made suggestions about what the OP could do in an attempt to rectify the problem.

The fact of the matter is, regardless of the reasons why, her baby is feeding almost constantly. It's impacting on her mentally and physically and affecting her relationship with her older child.

I'm 'astonished' at how much pressure some women feel to breastfeed through very difficult circumstances, given that the benefits of breastfeeding at an individual level appear very minimal, if apparent at all.

People also seem to not consider the effect on the baby struggling to feed effectively. I was heartbroken knowing that my DS was falling asleep from exhaustion rather than a full belly. He was a different (happy, well rested) baby once we knew what the problem was and he could be fed efficiently.

My DS was like this, it took several weeks to settle down. I look back fondly because at least while he was feeding for hours he was still and quiet and I could watch tv. Now he feeds, finishes and cries if I don't entertain him - I'm not allowed to watch tv and I'm going insane with boredom.

Op before this gets into a bf thread rather than helping you I will
Also post this

Good luck - as I said I extended bf but check out you bf help options - tongue tie practitioners, lactation consultants etc put a plan in place to cost, and then give some formula and go for a nap during the day late someone else hold baby.

www.tongue-tie.org.uk/Mobile/m-index.html

If you want to bf and wean off any formula top ups you can. I did with ds1 for my mental health. So I support whatever you NEED to do for yours.

X

given that the benefits of breastfeeding at an individual level appear very minimal, if apparent at all.

Surely the benefits are impossible to measure on an individual level as you can only do one or the other with an individual baby so can't possibly know whether the outcome would be different if using another feeding method. However shaming someone for formula feeding when she is clearly struggling and has poor support is not on. The OP has clearly tried lots of ways of getting help and hasnt received any advice that's helped. We need to look at what support is offered in the UK rather than blaming women for turning in exhaustion and desperation to formula.

I mixed fed DD1 to 10 months and DD2 to 12m and counting. I diagnosed tongue tie for both of them, midwives couldn’t see it. I looked at google images.

The fact that a 4wk baby is sleeping 10pm til 7am with one feed suggests there isn’t a major issue.

The feeding all day is probably contributing to the sleeping well at night. Babies need x amount of calories/day- it’s a trade off. Feed all day but have a good night? Or have a slightly easier day but be up a couple more times in the night...

3 weeks is still tiny. Still just used to being out.

They go through a growth spurt at 3 weeks and again at 6 weeks. Hang in there. It will get better.

Thanks again to everyone for your responses, it's really appreciated.

I've contacted my nearest lactation consultant from the website that was shared so fingers crossed she can see me/help.

Having said DD2 usually sleeps most of the night and wakes once for a feed, she woke 3 times last night and was up at 4:30am. Seems to be in a lot of pain with wind this morning and I assume the constant feeding will only make that worse? I'm so exhausted I think I could sleep standing up.

I have tried nipple shields but DD2 didn't take to them and will only go on the boob au natural.

If someone could guarantee me that this would settle at 6 or 8 weeks I'd persevere (even if that sounds like a lifetime away ATM). I just have visions of DD still feeding like this at 3 months and I may well have lost my mind by then. I think I'm going to see what help and support I can get and then play it by ear by reassessing every few days. Fingers crossed.

It is so so hard to start with but it won't be like this forever. Things usually get a lot easier by about 8 weeks. Then it can be just such an easy way to feed and comfort your baby you will be so glad you kept going. If you want to continue then please just get as much support as you can as suggested above - bf drop ins etc, lots of bf Facebook groups, kellymom website. You can do this if you get the right help xxx

OP is already using formula minifingerz. She is not exclusively breastfeeding.

If someone could guarantee me that this would settle at 6 or 8 weeks I'd persevere

Genuinely it does. With all 3 of mine, my experience was that those first 6-8 weeks were stupidly tough. They fed all the time!

Around 6-8 weeks, it does just get easier, honestly. Good luck x

Another vote for undiagnosed tongue tie. I struggled on for 4 weeks, was seen by 8 different midwives and HV who all insisted he didn't have it. Finally, when I called the HV for help because he stopped feeding on one side, they referred us to an NHS breastfeeding clinic. He was diagnosed immediately. We got it snipped privately but moved to formula anyway, and were a much happier family. Good luck whatever you decide to do xx