To be angry at DM for mocking me

[stripesandspots10]

So this incident just happened. I took a parcel to the post office for DM I walked to the post office takes about 5 mins. As I was approaching the shops this man walks past with a bike. He instantly made me feel uncomfortable, had a bad look on his face. Behind him was an old lady who looked uncomfortable and then a lady from the shops rushed out to talk to her. I had a feeling they were talking about that guy.
So I walk in post the parcel, come out and start walking back. I turn down my DM road and this guy is standing a bit of the way down with his bike. I felt like something weren't right so I quickly turned around and went back to the shops.
I stood outside and called my DM to pick me up but as I put the phone down this guy had followed me back to the shops stared at me then sloped down the side of the shops. I went inside and asked the lady if she had spoke to the older lady about it. She said yes. And I told her he had just followed me. She went to go get someone and they had words with him outside. Que my DM turns out and is kind of laughing at me, thinking in being silly and over the top. She said she hasn't brought the car but walked and I said well that's the point I didn't want to walk back as he would see where you lived.
He began walking off in the direction we were going, we waited and then began walking and then again he stood turned around and started walking towards us. I wanted to tell the shop staff but she brushed it off and said let's just go into this other shop. He walked past and then we quickly walked back to DM.

I felt so angry with her for just brushing it off like it was nothing. Trying make me feel like I was being silly. I told her she always does this, always minimising. I said just because you didn't feel threatened doesn't mean I don't. She just laughed again. So AIBU to be angry at her for reaction that way.

Sorry for the long post! Didn't want to drip feed

mightymucks
I've never I'm my PPs said anything about anyone stalking me. I said my neighbour looked in my window which she does! I said it was annoying and didn't say she was stalking/watching me.

The attitude of other posters in here towards you and your mental health (and mental health generally) is absolutely disgusting

Actually it's the opposite, telling her to trust her instinct and be scared when it would appear based on her other threads this is the last thing she should do. And as a pp said, asking her to distance herself from her mother, who is her support system is reprehensible.

@mightymucks You'll notice I didn't tell her to trust her gut. I pointed out that her feelings were shared by others, at least based on her description.

My disgust is at those ridiculing the OP and using her depression and past posts to do so. It's also at the ignorance and stereotypes on display.

There are posts that manage not to ridicule the OP, while questioning whether she was right to feel concerned.

'Scared of darkies'. Heard it all.

Nah, I didn't read it as 'anxious', or 'gut-following' or any of that. I haven't seen the poster around or read her other threads, but it seems to me that nothing 'Insta'-worthy has happened to her today, so..... hey, I went to the shops and was looked at by a bloke on a bike.

Put it on FB and loads of idiots will post 'shock' faces and 'OMG U OK?' And massage her sense of worth that way.

Don't put it on MN because your BS will be spotlit.

Your DM came to get you even though she thought your fear was unfounded. tbh I think you should focus on.
It wouldn't have been kind or helpful of her to support your catastrophising or to ramp up the drama/anxiety.

Did the shopkeeper know him? . There was already a gaggle of women talking about this guy with "a bad look on his face" before he'd even approached the shop??

Why are people ignoring that the shopkeeper had also felt that this bloke was up to no good? That implies to me, that regardless of OP's posting history seemingly showing that she's suffering from anxiety, that on this occasion, her instinct was correct.

Shop keeper had stated she had never seen him before. When I first walked to the shops the lady who worked in the shop came running out to shop to another lady who had been worried and claimed he was acting strange. After he had followed me back I went back into the shop and said were you talking about the man with the bike outside to the lady she said yes he was acting odd. Then I told her he had followed.me back and she told me to stay in the shop while she got some men to go and speak to him. They all looked concerned so it weren't just me being "paranoid"

Ive been mugged in broad daylight, twice. Once someone cycled past me and snatched by wallet at a bus station, another time I was sat in a parked car and someone grabbed my handbag out of my lap through the open window. Last month my brother went to the shops and came back to find his door kicked in and his tv gone - it was midday. I also have a friend who got threatened with a knife in the middle of a crowded street in broad daylight a few years ago, for telling a guy off after he yelled sexist remarks at her. So yeh, bad things do happen in broad daylight.

But, your question OP wasn't "aibu to have felt threatened?" I have no idea if this guy was actually exhibiting threatening behaviour, or if you just interpreted it that way due to anxiety. Your question was "Aibu to be angry with DM for laughing at me" and no, I don't think you are. It doesn't matter why you felt unsafe. Doesn't matter if you actually were unsafe, or if you just felt unsafe due to anxiety. She's your mum, your fear was obviously real, she should have been supportive even if she didn't agree with your reason for feeling afraid.

Well to be fair she didn't say the shopkeeper thought that, just she spoke about this guy, seems a bit weird. Anyways she went in and told the shop keeper that the man was following her.

Always trust your gut feeling with people I completely believe that

I'd rather trust my brain and leave my gut to digest food.

" That implies to me..... that on this occasion, her instinct was correct."

Fortunately for the OP, no- nothing happened that would suggest that he was anything other than a slightly-dodgy looking bloke hanging around the shops.

Nobody on here was suggesting that she should invite him home for tea btw. We are simply suggesting that the OP's currently heightened emotional state has made the whole experience into something very much bigger than it probably was, or needed to be.

I don't know why you're getting such a pasting OP. This man's behaviour does sound odd and I would have been unnerved by it too. Especially as your feeling was corroborated by the shopkeeper.

If this is something that happens regularly I could see why your mum might have concerns but it doesn't sound like that's the case at all. I would have been hurt to be mocked in the circumstances.

Lots of AIBU regulars delight in being gleefully catty and I think this is just one of those times!

I'm sorry you felt threatened OP, people's behaviour can be frightening to us by how we perceive it. I think your post was more asking if you have a right to feel angry that your DM minimised your feelings? Yes you do have that right. You have a right to "feel" however you like about anything you like.

Your DM didn't perceive it the same way as you and will be feeling justified in her feelings you were being "OTT"

The man may have perceived it as you following him, staring at him, targeting him and be feeling justified in him following you back, maybe he wanted to ask you why you were looking at him, or following him, or talking about him

Sorry you were frightened today

It does seem a bit dramatic of you to expect a lift from such a close space that your mum could walk there so quickly

Missing the point here. If dm brings the car then ok can get back to the house without being followed and without the man finding out where dm lives.
A very sensible precaution given the general unease (not just from the op) about this man which was made very clear in the opening post.

Thanks ferrier that was my thought process because I didn't want him to see where DM lived and there was no other way to go apart from past him

I agree with trusting your instincts, especially based on others finding the behaviour threatening too.