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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry at DM for mocking me

118 replies

stripesandspots10 · 18/05/2018 11:45

So this incident just happened. I took a parcel to the post office for DM I walked to the post office takes about 5 mins. As I was approaching the shops this man walks past with a bike. He instantly made me feel uncomfortable, had a bad look on his face. Behind him was an old lady who looked uncomfortable and then a lady from the shops rushed out to talk to her. I had a feeling they were talking about that guy.
So I walk in post the parcel, come out and start walking back. I turn down my DM road and this guy is standing a bit of the way down with his bike. I felt like something weren't right so I quickly turned around and went back to the shops.
I stood outside and called my DM to pick me up but as I put the phone down this guy had followed me back to the shops stared at me then sloped down the side of the shops. I went inside and asked the lady if she had spoke to the older lady about it. She said yes. And I told her he had just followed me. She went to go get someone and they had words with him outside. Que my DM turns out and is kind of laughing at me, thinking in being silly and over the top. She said she hasn't brought the car but walked and I said well that's the point I didn't want to walk back as he would see where you lived.
He began walking off in the direction we were going, we waited and then began walking and then again he stood turned around and started walking towards us. I wanted to tell the shop staff but she brushed it off and said let's just go into this other shop. He walked past and then we quickly walked back to DM.

I felt so angry with her for just brushing it off like it was nothing. Trying make me feel like I was being silly. I told her she always does this, always minimising. I said just because you didn't feel threatened doesn't mean I don't. She just laughed again. So AIBU to be angry at her for reaction that way.

Sorry for the long post! Didn't want to drip feed

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 13:05

There are some inadequate, inexperienced people posting here, perhaps with their own MH issues

There is indeed.

Look just because you possibly have similar issues to the op doesn't mean you should feed into them. Yes she was scared. Yes that fear she felt was real. But it doesn't mean she actually had anything to be scared of, more it was a symptom of her anxiety or whatever.

Her mother clearly felt there was nothing to worry about. As such. Laughing it off is better than pandering to it.

The op is a grown woman, a single mother, and she was too scared to walk five mins home from the post office and had to call her mother out to walk her back. Based on her initial op, she panicked and her mum stepped up to support her walk the five mins home but didn't pander to her fears. I doubt she was "mocking her"more just laughed it off. However the op interpreted that as mocking.

YouAreNotImportant · 18/05/2018 13:08

Hector - but OP DOES have MH problems.

Honestly OP, I'd take a break from MN. Since your last name change a few weeks ago you've had threads every few days complaining about someone or something.

Your Mum, your Dad, friends, saying you're being harassed at work, your elderly neighbour peeping in your window, another neighbour letting bees into your house. Staff at nursery and on an on.

You know you're not well and that's what you need to concentrate on. I'd take a break from starting threads if you can because you are getting upset when you don't get the responses you'd like and you don't need anything else to be upset/angry about.

Dwellerfromunderthesink · 18/05/2018 13:08

I think it’s unfeeling to mock someone for feeling fearful no matter how justified or not the feeling is. I’ve not looked at the OPs posting history because I think that’s rather unfair, but even if someone has reacted in a similar way before, it’s still unkind to mock or dismiss someone’s feelings.

stripesandspots10 · 18/05/2018 13:15

hector thank you. I don't know why the MH card is being thrown at me. Clearly these people live in a bubble where no one is bad and they think no one would ever hurt someone is broad day light.

For these of you who don't get what I'm saying. He walked past me the first time as I was walking to the shops thought not much of it. I went to walk home and he had stopped down my DM road which was 2 mins from the shop. He had clearly been standing there for about 5/10 mins. I turned around and he saw me then proceeded to follow me back to the shops where he was staring at me and hanging around.

OP posts:
Beachmummy23 · 18/05/2018 13:16

Quite dramatic but this happened to me as a teenager. I was walking towards a man and felt uncomfortable and crossed over, so did he. After this happening several times, I turned around and ran to the nearest shop. The guy waited outside and when I didn’t come back, moved down the road and waited there. The shop owner wasn’t happy with the situation and took me out the back way and drove me home. My mum called the police, obviously the man had gone by the time the shop owner returned. A few months later a serial rapist was arrested. It was the same guy. Always trust your instincts in these situations x

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 18/05/2018 13:19

Tell your mother to take her own parcels from now on

stripesandspots10 · 18/05/2018 13:20

Thank you beach
Yes I have depression but you all make it sound like I have extreme anxiety and I don't. I live on my own with my DS and I'm not fearful for my life ever really. Not much makes me that scared or threatened. But like you say beach you just have an instinct

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 18/05/2018 13:21

Maybe he was waiting to meet someone? All he seems to have done is walk backwards and forwards a couple of times in a very public place.

MightyMucks · 18/05/2018 13:23

I agree with saucyjack, you mentioned recently you had been prescribed antidepressants, this could be depression related anxiety or even a side effect of the pills.

DiamondsBestFriend · 18/05/2018 13:27

If this was a one off then that would be one thing but it clearly isn’t.

The OP’s whole posting history is about how she has been wronged, stared at, ignored, etc etc etc and the list goes on.

Frankly I’d be more concerned for the child in this situation. Your paranoia cannot be good for him.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 18/05/2018 13:28

Honestly OP, your mum was unkind to hurt your feelings by laughing, but the truth is you were overreacting to the situation.

I'm not a fan of bringing up previous threads, but the PP who mentioned your many recent threads is correct. There is a clear pattern of distress and anxiety, verging on paranoia. Your mother will be aware of this background and I'm sure was just trying to reassure you and avoid reinforcing negative interpretation of a fairly ordinary situation.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lhastingsmua · 18/05/2018 13:31

I don’t think you explained the situation or why you felt threatened very well in your op - it’s written quite badly. This is probably why posters are finding it hard to see why you felt scared

smudgedlipstick · 18/05/2018 13:34

Maybe he thought you was following him since you kept watching him and was walking behind him... he could have turned around to ask you why you were following him 🤔 I would have prob laughed it off too as it's not really worth making it into a thing..

Deathraystare · 18/05/2018 13:34

Ok so maybe he did nothing wrong. Not the point, is it? He COULD have done. How many times have people minding their own business been stabbed or attcked in shops/streets. Your Dm is so obviously oblivious to what is going o around her, she would not have a clue until it is too late! At least you were observant!

TheFirstMrsDV · 18/05/2018 13:37

What if your 'gut feeling' is based upon deep seated racism or disablism?
Because I am always seeing 'trust your gut' regardless of reasoning.

As the mother of black boys it pisses me right off. Particularly as 1 has LDs.

All that purse clutching & fear is fine as long as you are trusting your gut Hmm

ferrier · 18/05/2018 13:38

OP - I haven't read your other threads so I'm answering based just on this thread. YANBU to be fearful or apprehensive of this man seemingly following you. No matter whether he was harmless or not you did the right thing asking your Mum to bring the car round. Maybe your Mum didn't realise that's what you wanted and was then embarrassed/guilty that she hadn't supported you hence the brushing it off response.

TerfsUp · 18/05/2018 13:43

YABU.

Feelslikecrystal · 18/05/2018 13:44

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Mountainsoutofmolehills · 18/05/2018 13:46

always listen to your gut re security. it's the only gage you have. be careful and cautious. there world is filled with nutters. Parents are nutters and trigger you. Of course you didn't feel listened to and mocked. I get it. There will be hundreds of other issues to work on here. Zariya Lufu has some great talks about freeing oneself from childhood... sounds like this isn't the only time she hasn't taken you seriously. Be brave, and don't doubt yourself.

moita · 18/05/2018 13:48

As the mother of black boys it pisses me right off. Particularly as 1 has LDs
Interesting point. My DF believes in the trust your gut thing. He is very paranoid and can never relax in public. I think he has severe anxiety. Nothing 'bad' has ever happened to him.

Furano · 18/05/2018 13:55

Be brave, and don't doubt yourself.

Have you looked at the other posts by the OP?

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 13:56

Trusting your gut is fine if you don't suffer mental health issues and can appropriately judge situations. If you do suffer from mental health issues then the advice to trust your gut would render you helpless in your day to day life and would be harmful.

The mother laughing the situation off to show it was fine, is not th same as mocking. Based on the ops other threads and her reaction to things, it would appear highly likely the fact she translated the mothers laughing as mocking is more about her state of mind rather than reality of what her mother was doing.

The reality is if someone is prone to over reacting and suffers from some mental health issues, it's very hard to deal with. Continually talking them down isn't easy, particularly if they are unable to listen to reason.

TheFirstMrsDV · 18/05/2018 13:58

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Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 18/05/2018 13:58

Also, from other threads, the OPs mother is an important source of support. Advising the OP to view her mother as abusive is really not helpful.

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