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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry at DM for mocking me

118 replies

stripesandspots10 · 18/05/2018 11:45

So this incident just happened. I took a parcel to the post office for DM I walked to the post office takes about 5 mins. As I was approaching the shops this man walks past with a bike. He instantly made me feel uncomfortable, had a bad look on his face. Behind him was an old lady who looked uncomfortable and then a lady from the shops rushed out to talk to her. I had a feeling they were talking about that guy.
So I walk in post the parcel, come out and start walking back. I turn down my DM road and this guy is standing a bit of the way down with his bike. I felt like something weren't right so I quickly turned around and went back to the shops.
I stood outside and called my DM to pick me up but as I put the phone down this guy had followed me back to the shops stared at me then sloped down the side of the shops. I went inside and asked the lady if she had spoke to the older lady about it. She said yes. And I told her he had just followed me. She went to go get someone and they had words with him outside. Que my DM turns out and is kind of laughing at me, thinking in being silly and over the top. She said she hasn't brought the car but walked and I said well that's the point I didn't want to walk back as he would see where you lived.
He began walking off in the direction we were going, we waited and then began walking and then again he stood turned around and started walking towards us. I wanted to tell the shop staff but she brushed it off and said let's just go into this other shop. He walked past and then we quickly walked back to DM.

I felt so angry with her for just brushing it off like it was nothing. Trying make me feel like I was being silly. I told her she always does this, always minimising. I said just because you didn't feel threatened doesn't mean I don't. She just laughed again. So AIBU to be angry at her for reaction that way.

Sorry for the long post! Didn't want to drip feed

OP posts:
Amanduh · 18/05/2018 12:31

Call thr police?! About what?! ‘I walked down a road and a bloke was there with his bike, so I went back the shops and then he walked to the shops too’

Maybe he was staring at you because you seem like you’d been staring at him non stop!

IleDeRe · 18/05/2018 12:31

He didn't follow her. He walked past her, and then happened to stop outside the shop she went in. Maybe he was waiting for someone.

Following would mean that he didn't overtake her, and instead followed closely behind her the entire way. Which he didn't do.

He did what I described above, and then later on, he turned around and walked back in the other direction, which happened to be towards the OP.

She needs to stop thinking that the world and everybody else's actions revolve around her.

IleDeRe · 18/05/2018 12:32

Maybe he was staring at you because you seem like you’d been staring at him non stop!

This.

Also, maybe you have a constantly paranoid, fearful expression that he was looking at.

FizzyGreenWater · 18/05/2018 12:32

Yep you may be overreacting but your Mum was a twat to mock you.

Just calmly say - 'Fine. I may have been overreacting but your response is noted. Next time I have a problem, don't be surprised or upset when you're the absolute last person I call for help, because I don't want to be mocked.'

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 12:33

Ok, I wonder if you suffer from anxiety op. I looked at your other threads and you do seem to be very sensitive, quick to anger and over anxious.

I suspect your mother was trying to laugh it off to show there was nothing to worry about rather than feed into it. To be honest I'd probably have handled it the same. She came and got you and walked you back to support you, and she didn't feed your fear because it was irrational.

TaytoAllDay · 18/05/2018 12:33

Yeh she shouldn't have laughed at you if you were anxious and scared

Always trust your gut feeling with people I completely believe that, I read this book called The Gift of Fear by the psychologist Gavin De Becker, it's amazing. He says generally most people nowadays push away those instincts and tell themselves "oh you're being silly" and ignore important warning signals. When they can completely avoid dangerous situations or at least survive them. You should read it! You were right to call someone Just to be on the safe side.

RadioGaGoo · 18/05/2018 12:33

IIeDeRe This appears to have got your goat quite a bit.

GinIsIn · 18/05/2018 12:33

So now we are all nasty pieces of work and against you? I think it does speak more towards you being fearful and paranoid than anything else. Have you seen the GP to talk about how you are feeling?

VladmirsPoutine · 18/05/2018 12:34

I don't understand what happened.

IleDeRe · 18/05/2018 12:35

@RadioGaGoo

I have a cousin with learning difficulties who is completely harmless and loves walking around town and saying hello to people.

It really upsets me when he says hello to people and they pull their kids closer and walk quickly to get away from him.

People think that anybody who is a little different is out to get them. They're not.

Xenia · 18/05/2018 12:38

You sh ould not be mocked. Most pof us have a gut instinct for this kind of thing. Only you not your mother would know if it had kicked in and it had. Much better she walks you home that she finds you brutally murdered this afternoon surely?

Brunsdon1 · 18/05/2018 12:39

Oh dear OP it does sound as if you are struggling with your MY

Maybe look at it like this....im 38 ,my mum is 68....even if I did feel threatened it would be silly and selfish of me to call her for help....you seem incredibly focused on yourself and how others seem to harm you

If you're anxiety is this high you need to seek professional support

RadioGaGoo · 18/05/2018 12:40

I understand that because I have an uncle who is exactly the same. OP sounds like she has some issues that she needs to work through and that can be pointed out in a more pleasant way.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 18/05/2018 12:41

Op you’re getting a hard time on here. But in all honesty no, you shouldn’t be upset. I don’t think your mum was minimising your feelings, I think she was being realistic. You were in public, in broad daylight. If you honestly felt you were being followed all you needed to do was go in a shop or cafe and wait there for a little while. I think you sound incredibly paranoid and I mean that kindly.

Have you ever been tested for bpd? I have it and I find social situations awfully triggering, when I walk down the street I think everyone is staring at me and following me thinking stuff about me. The thoughts are really intrusive and a year ago (before cbt) I might have called my mum.

Buggered · 18/05/2018 12:42

Much better she walks you home that she finds you brutally murdered this afternoon surely?

You can always rely on MN to calm a poster! Grin

Clandestino · 18/05/2018 12:43

How old are you, OP? I certainly wouldn't call my Mum to save me from someone giving me a "strange look". I'd be calling a taxi or similar but not a relative.
If I called my DH, he'd know it was serious because I don't call for nothing and run early in the mornings so it's not like I'm afraid to be outside when it's half empty.
Maybe you tend to be a bit overdramatic so your DM just had enough of it. I'd be surprised if it were one off.

stripesandspots10 · 18/05/2018 12:43

Thank you tay
Every one is clearly not reading me post correctly. This man followed me back to the shops.
He didn't buy anything in the shops as the lady told me and they thought he was acting odd and for the person trying minimise my drink spiking shame on You!

OP posts:
RayDropofGoldenSun · 18/05/2018 12:46

@Highhorse1981 how do people see other thread history? I keep seeing people mention this

GinIsIn · 18/05/2018 12:46

But how did he follow you if as you say he was already on the road in front of you?

onalongsabbatical · 18/05/2018 12:46

Xenia ffs! How can being that graphic be helpful to someone suffering from fearfulness?

HectorlovesKiki · 18/05/2018 12:46

Please IGNORE all posts stating you have MH issues or are just being silly.
It is HIS most odd behaviour that is in question.
Fact of life, some people do get attacked, raped, murdered.
Would "they" still call you paranoid, or batty if you had been assaulted?
Violence lurks in our streets and we have to be vigilant.
There are some inadequate, inexperienced people posting here, perhaps with their own MH issues.
I posted on Mumsnet once, got similar crap to you.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.
They do not matter a jot. Fuck 'em!
Best wishes to you.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 18/05/2018 12:52

what is wrong with calling my DM to pick me up in a car so I don't have to be alone?

Nothing if you're a child. How old are you?

witchofzog · 18/05/2018 12:54

There have been lots of threads on here about lucky escapes and scary experiences. Trusting your gut instinct is one thing that comes up again and again. Please stop ridiculing the op for feeling anxious about a situation. Gut feeling can be a powerful thing. I had it once about a bus driver.He absolutely terrified me yet had done nothing.

SaucyJack · 18/05/2018 12:59

He does sound a bit strange, but it's clear from the OP's posting history that she's struggling generally at the moment. I agree maybe your Mum just doesn't know how to deal with you right now.

I'm leaving this here for you. Have a read and see if any of it reasonates with you. I hope you can get some help, and that you start to feel a bit less overwhelmed by the people in your life soon xx

CaptainCabinets · 18/05/2018 12:59

Your Mum probably laughed because, judging by your posting history, you’ve a habit of getting worked up over nothing. Smile

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