Two terminations in one year

[bambambi]

First post here so please be kind. I had a termination a few months ago, this was due to the coil being ineffective (since been removed), I was heartbroken to have to do it but I already had a baby and was struggling with PND and anxiety.
I've recently found out I'm pregnant again, this time it's my fault. My depression and anxiety got so bad after the first termination that I would book a doctors appointment to get a new form of contraception and then when the time came I would cancel it and just not feel up to going. One time I got so anxious about going that I actually vomitted, I've never been like this about going to the doctor.
So this brings me to now, I didn't end up getting the pill, I only had sex once as I felt that I was letting DP down the way I was being and that brings me to now. I have my phone consultation in a few days and I'm so scared they're going to tell me I have to keep the baby or just that they're going to make things difficult for me. Is this my anxiety speaking or am i right to feel like this? (I know what I did was stupid, please don't comment telling me that)

That’s your anxiety speaking sweetheart. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to

They're not going to 'tell' you anything! I imagine they'll help you run through your options!

It's your anxiety, lovely. Even if there were blame in this case, it would be shared with your partner. But I don't think there is. It sounds like you have been let down a bit with regards to your post natal mental health. Would you be able to see the doctor soonish to talk about your mental health? Take a friend or partner along for moral support.

They won’t tell you that. Honestly they won’t. they’ll just arrange the terminationTo suit you

if you are in the uk you have every right to abortion, as it should.be.

please confide in your partner.

They wont tell you to keep it, but you REALLY do need to decide on a proper contraception and use it, because you dont need to keep going through this trauma xx

Hello OP, this is very personal for me but I had two terminations in one year. It was fine, they were both at BPAS and not once was I judged or berated for it.

I wouldn’t be so quick to shoulder all the blame yourself- assuming your DP knew you hadn’t sorted out a longer term form of contraception, why didn’t he buy some condoms?

From past experience I’d be really wary of starting a new form of hormonal contraceptive when I was going through a period of anxiety or depression, so I would absolutely expect a partner to take some joint responsibility for our family planning.

Awwwwww you are having a rough time. You’ll be fine they won’t force you to do anything but they like to know you will cope in the aftermath, and if you are suffering mentally atm you need to be honest about that with them.
Also your DP needs to worry about contraception aswell as you xxx

You are not the first and you certainly won’t be the last. My dear old Nan trotted this gem out, but actually it’s fucking true. It’s ok. It is hard for you, but it is all ok.

Don't blame yourself you're in a vulnerable position, they don't make any judgement. Knowing your situation there was nothing to stop your DP putting something on the end of it. I'm also worried you feel obliged to have sex with him or you're letting him down. You're really not and a decent man would understand that and support you.

Although, rereading, why did you feel you were letting DP down? It is ok to not want sex, so yeah, listen to pp who say that maybe he should take a more active role?

This is NOT your fault.

Please stop with the letting your DP down... why is he not wearing a condom?! I'm reserving my here for him.

You will be fine, as others have said you will not be the first or last in this position. But please, see someone about your anxiety. You can't go on like this.

for you.

They certainly will not make it hard for you or pass judgement, please dont worry!! These things happen and I have a friend who had two terminations in a year and she was given excellent care.

you sound quite unwell, be kind to yourself.

Blaming yourself isnt helpful. But it seems as if there is a lot going on, including how you feel about having sex with your partner. Im really curious why he didnt use a condom? Go to your GP and also get contraception sorted out to between you both

You poor thing. No one there will judge you, less still force you to have a baby.

Can your partner or someone else close to you support you to see the GP for contraception and your anxiety?

I had two in one year with Marie Stopes. Awful experiences, but they were so, so lovely. You will not be judged or made to feel bad. Be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place with your anxiety, but it absolutely is your anxiety speaking

I have my phone consultation in a few days and I'm so scared they're going to tell me I have to keep the baby or just that they're going to make things difficult for me.

I promise this won't happen. It is in no one's interest to make you keep a pregnancy you don't want. They probably will want to talk to you about reliable contraception for afterwards, which it sounds will be helpful for you. But no one should make you feel ashamed - you've made a mistake while you were ill; that doesn't make you anything other than human.

So sorry you are going through this. Have you had any support for PND and anxiety? Please ask for more support. No one will judge you, it must happen a lot. Most of all be kind to yourself, things will get better.

I too had two in a year due to contraceptive failure, went through my GP and the NHS. Nobody judged me (even though I was judging myself).

It will be fine.

Helpful Oh, you utter arsewipe.

@ohcomeon12321 Get. To. Fuck.