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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two terminations in one year

87 replies

bambambi · 18/05/2018 09:12

First post here so please be kind. I had a termination a few months ago, this was due to the coil being ineffective (since been removed), I was heartbroken to have to do it but I already had a baby and was struggling with PND and anxiety.
I've recently found out I'm pregnant again, this time it's my fault. My depression and anxiety got so bad after the first termination that I would book a doctors appointment to get a new form of contraception and then when the time came I would cancel it and just not feel up to going. One time I got so anxious about going that I actually vomitted, I've never been like this about going to the doctor.
So this brings me to now, I didn't end up getting the pill, I only had sex once as I felt that I was letting DP down the way I was being and that brings me to now. I have my phone consultation in a few days and I'm so scared they're going to tell me I have to keep the baby or just that they're going to make things difficult for me. Is this my anxiety speaking or am i right to feel like this? (I know what I did was stupid, please don't comment telling me that)

OP posts:
FowlisWester · 18/05/2018 09:56

That's an unhelpful comment OH. Obviously abortion shouldn't be used as a form of birth control but come on you can read that the op isn't quite right.

NoNoCharlieRascal · 18/05/2018 09:56

Fuck off ohcomeon12321 not helpful or needed you judgey arse

YorkieDorkie · 18/05/2018 09:57

@ohcomeon12321 reported you horrible person.

AnyFucker · 18/05/2018 09:57

Reported the twat

Flowers to you, op. Take care. No judgement here.

GreenMeerkat · 18/05/2018 09:58

ohcomeon...... if you have nothing constructive to say then don't comment.

OP, there's a pregnancy choices section on this forum this post may be better in. You can get some unhelpful, nasty comments in AIBU that you really don't need right now.

Nobody will tell you what to do, that is up to you, but please do talk to your DP.

Have you considered the hormonal implant as contraception? You only have to have it fitted once then don't have to worry about it for three years. So no trips to doctors or pharmacies to collect prescriptions. It might be a better solution for your circumstances.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/05/2018 09:58

@ohcomeon12321 Piss off you disgusting troll.

DerelictWreck · 18/05/2018 09:58

OH

I've reported you for being an utter douchecanoe

MinervaMermaid · 18/05/2018 09:59

I have reported Oh comment.
Make the call today OP- you won't be judged and you need to sort it out. Then it will be over. Please be kind to yourself- it sounds like you are having a tough time. Speak with your partner and get the support you need in RL to get you to a better place Thanks

ohcomeon12321 · 18/05/2018 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LeapToad · 18/05/2018 09:59

Be kind to yourself, you've had an awful time. Even if you had got the pill this could have happened, I got pregnant on the pill.

If the coil hadn't failed then you wouldn't have got pregnant either time, the coil failing and then anxiety which you weren't in control of led to this not you.

They definitely won't refuse to. I hope your partner is being supportive. Book a doctors appointment now in order to arrange contraception too and tell DP, is he able to book time off work to go with you for either? Flowers

YorkieDorkie · 18/05/2018 10:00

OP I hope you can find some trust in the professionals. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Mistakes happen but I think you know what's the right decision for you. Do you have a supportive DP? I know you said you feel you're letting him down but is he making you feel like that or are you assuming because of your anxiety? Thanks

YorkieDorkie · 18/05/2018 10:01

@ohcomeon12321 there are ways of being pro-life without being an insensitive twat.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 18/05/2018 10:03

I'd consider getting this thread moved OP. It's only going to bring out the rabid forced birther cunts such as oh when you actually need support Flowers.

bibliomania · 18/05/2018 10:03

Nobody's going to make you go through with a pregnancy as a punishment.

It will be okay.

MadMags · 18/05/2018 10:03

PLEASE ignore the cunt and don’t let it derail!

OP nobody is going to judge you, I promise.

But, but, but...

You don’t OWE your dp sex. You are NOT “letting him down”.

And if abortion and contraception are triggering your anxiety and depression, he really should be taking responsibility for contraception.

This is not all on you. It really isn’t. Flowers

LeapToad · 18/05/2018 10:04

@ohcomeon12321 the stage most abortions are carried out there is no consciousness. Its not a baby, not even a foetus, its an embryo. It has the potential to become a baby but so does every egg and sperm, so by that logic I assume you don't use any contraception to allow each egg to turn into a baby?

MadMags · 18/05/2018 10:05

Ah, lads. Seriously. The OP needs help. Not a debate on life versus choice!

gamerchick · 18/05/2018 10:05

what i said was factually correct i cant believe so many posters dont realise an abortion ends the life of a mothers child

Everyone knows, it just isn’t that important compared to someone’s mental health. Maybe you should swerve these threads.

You won’t be judged OP. It sounds as if you need outside help for your anxiety and your bloke needs to do his part here. Deal with this first and then start on the next part of your recovery. Flowers

AnyFucker · 18/05/2018 10:07

Just ignore the fucker. Op doesn't need a debate on her thread. HQ are on the case.

NukaColaGirl · 18/05/2018 10:10

OP - I had 2 abortions in just over a year. One was a condom failure, the other was my fault for being careless. (My MH was atrocious at this point in my life; undiagnosed manic depression, these both happened during manic phases.) You’re obviously in a bit of a mess, MH wise at the moment, so I’m going to urge you to be kind to yourself. If DP wanted sex, condoms should have been used, the responsibility for contraception does not lie squarely on your shoulders.

As pro life, or rather, forced birthers - ODFOD.

FigurativelyDying · 18/05/2018 10:12

@ohcomeon12321
What i said was factually correct i cant believe so many posters dont realise an abortion ends the life of a mothers child

And I can't believe that someone who purports to care about human life would be so very, very cruel on a thread where the OP's heartbreak and depression is almost tangible

HappyLollipop · 18/05/2018 10:13

Yes abortion ends the fetus life but in an already over crowded world we need to prioritise the life that's already here - the mothers! No child should be brought into the world unloved or unwanted in those cases it's far better to abort than bring a child into the world to suffer. OP your struggling as it is there's nothing wrong with that and your brave enough to make a tough but necessary decision for your own mental health and wellbeing. The abortion services don't care about how many you've had so they definitely won't turn you away so don't worry about that. Just try to sort out some contraception soon even if it's just condoms (there's no reason for your DP not to use them!) for a while but you'll be fine, good luck Flowers

MadMags · 18/05/2018 10:15

This is actually annoying me!

No, I’m not the thread police but continuing to discuss it, even if it’s in defence of choice, is not helpful to this particular woman, on this particular thread, who will have to trawl through all of it to get to the support.

Please. Just. Stop.

GreenMeerkat · 18/05/2018 10:19

Stop feeding the troll people, it's what it wants. Ignore it and focus on the OP's issue.

wrapsuperstar · 18/05/2018 10:22

You are being so brave, bambi and I am confident you will be treated with the dignity and respect you deserve. Just here to show solidarity. Flowers