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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About elderly neighbours and my daughter’s piano

376 replies

user1499173618 · 17/05/2018 15:34

My DD is practising for her Grade 4 piano exam, which is due to take in June. We live on the second floor of a very nice apartment building of six apartments. We are the only occupants with a school aged child living at home. DD is very quiet and polite.

Our neighbours on the fourth and fifth floors have complained about DD’s piano playing and asked whether she could wear a headset and use the electronic keyboard. While I understand that they would prefer not to hear the piano at all, DD only plays for 30’ or so a day, apart from on Friday afternoons when her piano teacher gives her an hour’s lesson.

TBH I am quite hurt! DD is beautifully behaved and we work hard to keep her usefully occupied. I would have appreciated a more supportive set of neighbours! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1499173618 · 18/05/2018 21:01

There is absolutely no chance of having the lesson anywhere but in our apartment.

OP posts:
GetAwayFromHer · 18/05/2018 22:15

There is absolutely no chance of having the lesson anywhere but in our apartment

Well that's lucky, isn't it? For the purposes of this thread, I mean

bastardkitty · 18/05/2018 22:41

Maybe OP could rent 2 homes. One to live in absolute silence and then another place to make normal sounds in. There are people on this thread with insane expectations.

Athena18 · 18/05/2018 22:43

Motherofallbeasts. Absolutely. I’m dismayed by the intolerance of so many people. A little girl learning piano? I can think of a lot worse reasons why one might be disturbed. If you live in an apartment block you are not going to enjoy the same privilege as if you were living in a sound proofed detached house.

Onceuponatimethen · 18/05/2018 22:49

I’ve lived in blocks of flats where people play instruments and just can’t see the issue. It’s classed as normal noise surely.

You can’t tell people to stop babies crying, not to talk or do normal things in daytime hours.

If people can’t manage on that basis they need to invest in earplugs

GetAwayFromHer · 18/05/2018 23:30

I know. Those imaginary old people and their insane demands and filthy dirty Victorian windows

MrsDilber · 18/05/2018 23:53

I don't think 30 minutes a day is excessive, I'd try to keep it to that though if it's causing friction.

strawberrisc · 18/05/2018 23:59

It’s like Sonia and her trumpet all over again...

AlexanderHamilton · 19/05/2018 00:17

I couldn’t play the piano with headphones. Dh does but I can’t stand anything over my ears.

As long as it’s not before 8am on a weekday or after 9pm I think she should practise to her hearts content.

CosyLulu · 19/05/2018 07:26

Haven’t read the whole thread but I live in an apartment, neighbours young and old, dd plays the piano, probably a bit less regularly than yours, and nobody has ever said a word. YANBU - it’s your home. What are they like if you want to listen to music or have the TV on? Those things can carry soundwise as well. They sound like miserable self-centred killjoys to me.

boredretiree · 19/05/2018 08:02

Elderly people need consideration. They probably get really stressed each day waiting for the piano. And saying they shouldn't live there is so unkind. .They can't handle noise as well as younger folk. I wish we could but sadly it's a fact of life. e.g. We go into shops and can't stay long because of the noise of modern music. Very few shops play music we like which is an unfair bias. Your daughter needs to practice. Young people need consideration too. Find a suitable compromise. Perhaps tell them when she is about to play and for how long. Also EVERY day is too much. They need to know they will have at least one peaceful day. Elderly, children, babies, teenagers, adults - all valuable equal members of our society. Let's be kind to each other We will all hopefully be a member of each group in our lives.😊

Springersrock · 19/05/2018 08:25

YANBU

30 minutes during the day is not unreasonable IMO.

My neighbour constantly complains about noise - if we do stuff like mow the lawn, I had to do some sanding on the adjoining wall in DD’s room a couple of weeks ago and he complained about the noise from the electric sander (at 2:30pm on a Saturday afternoon) and wanted me to do it all by hand. He complains that our dog ‘barks all day’ when we take the bloody dog to work with us, god forbid we have a bbq in our own bloody garden.

He kept threatening to report us so I spoke to the council - they said stuff like this is all reasonable day to day noise

Confusedbeetle · 19/05/2018 08:26

Having had experience of neighbours practising drums caused a house move. Next semi had a child practising saxophone and lessons. Not as bad but still tedious. This was in a semi. You do have to be so much more considerate in an apartment. There will be those that dont like it but have not complained

BeyondThePage · 19/05/2018 08:37

If someone had their music on for half an hour or more every single day, loud enough to be heard 2 solid, spacious floors away playing the same small bits of the same song over and over and over again (what practise actually consists of for exam pieces) I'd be totally cheesed off.

Be mindful that this gets worse. DD practised for 2 to 2 and a half hours daily for her grade 8 and exhibition pieces for school.

She, however turns it down or uses headphones.

She will play a piece aloud at correct volume for us when she thinks it is good enough. Takes about 5 minutes.

Pebble21uk · 19/05/2018 08:42

It's noticable that those saying, '30 mins is fine, you have every right' are predominantly those who have also received complaints about noise or who have children at home. It's also noticable that most saying, ' this is unreasonable' are those without young children at home. But that's life - we're going to see things from our own perspective of course.

What I take from this thread is that the OP just wanted her opinion validated - everything mentioned about any kind of compromise has been completely ignored.

Yes, her daughter needs to practice and yes it's allowed in the lease. She's also doing something worthwhile, it's not random noise. But that doesn't invalidate the experience of other residents. Suggestions of mixing it up a bit with times /using headphones sometimes / turning down volume / taking one day off a week are all acceptable and not unreasonable - and still leaving some days for playing with an audience. But I get no indication the OP feels she should even try. I think repetitive playing of the same pieces at the same time of day could be irritating for anyone - you'd almost be waiting for it!

If the neighbours can hear it TWO AND THREE floors up then something strange is certainly happening with the carriage of sound - probably due to the chimney breast. That isn't normal. I'd ask to go an listen for myself. Until you've experienced it you can't possibly know what they are hearing.

Oldbutstillgotit · 19/05/2018 08:48

Pebble - couldn’t put it better myself . I have been shot down for saying similar! I am extremely tolerant ( neighbour plays sax and Hammond organ but not every day ) but I think it is OP’s intransigence that is coming through here .

Dungeondragon15 · 19/05/2018 09:38

Elderly people need consideration. They probably get really stressed each day waiting for the piano. And saying they shouldn't live there is so unkind. .They can't handle noise as well as younger folk. I wish we could but sadly it's a fact of life.

Since when?! Considering that many elderly people can't hear that well it is often the other way around! How well you tolerate noise has more to do with attitude than age. Unless you can afford to live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere people need to accept that it is a fact of life in the UK and make an effort not to get wound up about it.

DalmatianDots · 19/05/2018 10:13

They probably get really stressed each day waiting for the piano

Then they need to work on their anxiety, rather than expect others to pander to them.

boredretiree · 19/05/2018 10:14

Dungeondragon15
Does research support your views? There is lots of research to back up what I said. What is wrong with giving consideration to older people? Life is very difficult when you get old. contrary to what younger people think.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/3526983/Older-people-prefer-peace-and-quiet-because-they-cannot-filter-out-distractions.html

bastardkitty · 19/05/2018 10:43

It's not okay to be suggesting that 'older people' are more deserving of consideration, or have to be pandered to more than other people. It's a wonderful thing to learn an instrument and should be encouraged. To decide that anyone who posts saying it's fine for OP's DD so practice around 30 minutes a day is someone who lets their kids be noisy and who has had noise complaints made against them is fucking hilarious.

holey · 19/05/2018 10:43

Like most of us, I've lived in apartment blocks, some purpose built and others converted from houses. Noise from others is something you expect and learn to live with- or move. Our last home was a purpose built maisonette with a family of five stomping round laminate floors above us. I would never have complained as it is what you sign up for when you live in close proximity to others. Even in our current house, our ex-next door neighbour (house not joined to ours but across a small alley way) used to practise his saxophone and awful singing with his windows wide open. It wouldn't have occurred to me to complain, although he was the most arrogant pig that I'm sure he thought we'd think he was amazing! If you don't want to here the everyday noises of others, move to a field. If you don't want to or can't afford it, put up and shut up.

bastardkitty · 19/05/2018 10:44

Totally agree @holey

CosyLulu · 19/05/2018 10:53

holey yeah.

boredretiree · 19/05/2018 11:05

bastardkitty
I didn't suggest older people should be given more consideration - just equal. you have misinterpreted my comment. But the person who posted is suggesting no one is annoyed except for the elderly. As if that somehow is less important. I find this attitude is quite dominant in our society. In restaurants people laugh if I complain about the overloud music that stops me chatting. Shops are the same. It's like" well, you're old. tough. we like it!" Older people matter too.

ralfeesmum · 19/05/2018 11:12

I suppose it depends on your neighbours musical tastes - but I think that even if they had the patience of a saint having to listen to "Chopsticks" and "Three Blind Mice" over and over for 30 mins. might be a wee bit much.......