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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH not wanted sex for 2 years. Aibu to think he MUST be getting it elsewhere?

129 replies

NellyJellyBelly · 15/05/2018 23:20

We are in our 40s. He's very attractive and I used to be too until I put on almost 7 stone after having DC.

He told me a few years ago that he doesn't find me attractive due to the weight and we've lived as virtual brother and sister since then. I wasn't much bothered at the time, our relationship was very bad and I would rather have lamped him than shagged him then. There is no affection whatsoever. No kisses,hugs etc.

He has done nothing to make me believe he's had any affairs but he works in a job where he doesn't come home at a set time each day so could easily spend the odd few hours doing something I wouldn't know about. He absolutely denies doing anything.

I know women have been attracted to him in the past, at work and school mums. He's very fit, and muscular and in no way 'old'.

We have had many rows about me not being able to believe he has gone without sex for so long. He doesn't masturbate either apparently Hmm.

Time has improved our relationship, and the bad patch wasn't all down to him. I was dealing with something really difficult and he didn't know how to deal with it. He instigated sex a few days ago but I couldn't get the idea out of my head that he could have been with someone else so I declined.

Aibu to suspect he must have done something?

OP posts:
ohcomeon12321 · 16/05/2018 23:34

how the hell can anyone on mumsnet know 1 way or the other

ShinyShooney · 17/05/2018 00:13

But it can't be because you put DC weight on if your DC are now teens! Aren't you worried the no sex was for other reasons?

Turkkadin · 17/05/2018 00:13

OP gains 7 stone and her husband doesn't show any interest in having sex with her. OP loses 2 stone, starts to tone up with gym visits and her husband is interested again. It doesn't the take a genius to work out what caused the drought. I would advise forgetting about dwelling on whether he has strayed or not. It will achieve nothing and get her nowhere. I would be continuing to concentrate on shedding those stones.

HelenaDove · 18/05/2018 16:31

Thats great OP Pleased for you.....................although if it were me id be frightened of getting pregnant and ruining all the hard work done so far. and would likely be trying to avoid sex with him until the weight loss journey has ended although the fear of having all the hard work ruined might not disappear even then.

This is how things can backfire on someone like the OPs DH.

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