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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday once a month

133 replies

Jessica0905 · 15/05/2018 22:30

Just looking for opinions really, and to see if this is normal 😂 My 2YO is watched overnight on a Monday by MIL as I work on a Tuesday until 7pm. Hubby up mega early to go to work and finishes late. Unknown to MIL and hubby I took a holiday from work today and LOVED it. Got up at 12 noon, faffed about, went for a bath and a
lie down later. Contemplating doing this once a month 🤪 Anyone else do the same?

OP posts:
witchofzog · 16/05/2018 11:46

It's the double standards too though. It's ok for the op as she is just so hilarious. But she would be angry if her dh did the same. It's just odd.

MumofBoysx2 · 16/05/2018 11:51

Great idea. Looking after you means you can look after the family too, don't feel guilty about it!

blackteasplease · 16/05/2018 11:52

But I reckon the double standards are actually coming from the dh here, with all his golf days etc. while the OP ends up stooping to sneaking around.

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/05/2018 11:53

Well that might depend on what sort of parent the DH is. if he's one of those who has pretty much carried on as before he became a parent, always working long hours and doing his hobbies while leaving the OP to be the default parent when she is not at work, then a regular day off would redress the balance a bit.

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/05/2018 11:56

Ah, I see that he has golf, football and his friends, and works long hours. How much hands on, sole care parenting does your DH do OP?

Perhaps to avoid bothering and deceiving MIL. you should take your monthly 'days off' at the weekend when DH can look after DS?

witchofzog · 16/05/2018 11:58

The op should be able to have as much me time as her dh. It's the lying though that's wrong. I don't think people would be condoning it so much if this were a woman posting about her husband doing this. There would be cries of LTB etc

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 16/05/2018 12:01

If the DH isn't pulling his weight, that's an issue to be sorted out between them. Lying to someone who is giving up a substantial amount of time to help is not the answer. I would feel hurt if I were the MIL in this situation - not because you feel that you need a break, but because you are being deceitful.

IrmaFayLear · 16/05/2018 12:01

I agree with the posters who say the mil's childcare is a factor.

Dsis looks after her gc full-time, and was very cheesed off when she discovered that her dil had dropped to four days a week but hadn't told her. The dil was enjoying a free day every week, but dsis wasn't!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 16/05/2018 12:13

there's nothing wrong with taking days off, but lying to your partner about it? wow.

If a husband was doing the same, he would be abused on here. What a weird relationship you have if you behave that way towards each other.

How would you feel if you find out that your hubby has been lying to you that way?

MegEmski · 16/05/2018 12:14

Why the lying?

Lying once a month to DH, and to MIL providing childcare?

not fine

Taking a self care day to recharge once a month - totally fine, do it!

but the lying doesn't sit well with me.

Quartz2208 · 16/05/2018 12:16

The fact that the only way you can get free time is take holiday is not good. Yes of course you can take time once a month but the fact you have to lie about it is telling about your relationship

Surely your MIL would be happy to take extra time or your hubby could reciprocate as he clearly gets his downtime

If they wont you have a really problem

gillybeanz · 16/05/2018 12:21

My dh wouldn't have a clue how many days I'd taken off, unless I told him. I only work pt too.
I don't know why you feel you need to hide it though, that's very Sad

I think the people objecting maybe have to live their lives organising every nano second, due to their work.
Some people live to work and can't see any difference and can't understand those that work to live.
We are all different.

bazingabazinga · 16/05/2018 12:26

Sorry OP I agree with @flapattack23

It’s fine to need some alone time - completely normal in fact.

I don’t think palming DC off under the pretense that you’re working and lying about all day is the right thing to do. If you need the time to yourself just be honest and say that’s what you’re going to do. Surely your MIL and DH would be fine with that?

snewname · 16/05/2018 12:27

That's ok gilly but she is relying on the mils good nature to facilitate it, which is unfair and sneaky when mil doesn't know about it.

UserInfinityplus1 · 16/05/2018 12:29

OP i would do this when I had both DDs in nursery and I bloody loved it! 7.30am-6pm was all mine. Granted I didn't do it as often as once a month but I absolutely would have no problem with that if your work allows.

Just to note that DH also used to do this. I think it's really important that parents have a chance to recharge and have the odd day doing exactly as they please (even if it is f all!).

Now that DDs are in school I can't do it any more as all my holiday has to cover the school holidays, so my advise would be enjoy it and make the most of it while you can.

formerbabe · 16/05/2018 12:31

OP i would do this when I had both DDs in nursery and I bloody loved it! 7.30am-6pm was all mine

Totally different. That is paid childcare rather than someone else's good will.

ilovesooty · 16/05/2018 12:51

Self care time and arrangements are up to you. I just can't see why some people are applauding the lying.

Missingstreetlife · 16/05/2018 12:58

Hope no one will try to contact you at work and find you are not there

earlybirdhasanap · 16/05/2018 13:02

I am having a day to myself today. My dd is in an extra day of childcare so I can have my hair done and have a bit of me time. Everyone knows about it. Last time I did this my mum had dd the night before so I could have a lie in whilst she took her to nursery. The difference is she knew the plan and no one was pulling wool over her eyes, it was her idea. Wouldn't it be better if you said to your MIL "I'm off next Tuesday but please could you have them overnight as usual as I'm desperate for a lie in".

MyPuppyIsADick · 16/05/2018 13:03

My DH wouldn’t have a clue how many holidays I have left Hmm I also have a good holiday package and work 4 days a week, the only comment he makes is that I’m ‘always off’ Grin I love my ‘me time’ and I don’t even DC so go for it OP!

InDubiousBattle · 16/05/2018 13:13

Just be honest with your MIL and dh. To do otherwise is sneaky and taking advantage of someone doing you a huge favour.

snewname · 16/05/2018 13:17

Of you are happy to be a CF and do it sneakily then that's up to you , or you could be up front about your need for a break and be honest about it.
If you feel you can't be honest as DH, (and to a lesser extent MIL) won't facilitate a break, then you've got bigger problems in your relationship, given that DH has plenty of time to himself.

ineedsomeinspiration · 16/05/2018 13:44

I'd do it in face I do but kids with childminder/at school so a bit different. I don't see the need to be sneaky about it. You're allowed some time for yourself once in a while. My DH has no problem with me taking time for myself.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 16/05/2018 14:00

gillybeanz speaking for myself only, it's nothing to do with work/life balance. The MIL has agreed to give up a huge chunk of her time, presumably unpaid, on the basis that the OP is at work. She may well agree to doing so on the basis that the OP wants some time to herself, but she isn't being given the opportunity to decide if she is willing to give up her time for this, because OP has lied to her.

beachysandy81 · 16/05/2018 14:11

Nothing wrong with it apart from the lying. Shows a real lack of respect for your MIL. Personally, I would be honest and ask her if. Make sure your husband is giving you some time to yourself at the weekends too.