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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday once a month

133 replies

Jessica0905 · 15/05/2018 22:30

Just looking for opinions really, and to see if this is normal 😂 My 2YO is watched overnight on a Monday by MIL as I work on a Tuesday until 7pm. Hubby up mega early to go to work and finishes late. Unknown to MIL and hubby I took a holiday from work today and LOVED it. Got up at 12 noon, faffed about, went for a bath and a
lie down later. Contemplating doing this once a month 🤪 Anyone else do the same?

OP posts:
Stinkbomb · 15/05/2018 22:49

Completely understand- STBXH would have expected me to do loads of cleaning and jobs if he'd known (hated me spending time away from the house when on mat leave, I should've been doing all the housework etc, not meeting friends and taking the baby out).
It's a shame that he wouldn't understand you needing time off, but if he doesn't, you still need the time so best to keep it from him.

FlapAttack23 · 15/05/2018 22:51

Be open about it then if he is openly having all.his golf days etc.
You're the one that needs to get a grip.

I'm being serious as I assume your op.wasn't a joke. And if I was your husband I'd be pretty pissed off to discover this which I assume equates to a "yes you are being unreasonable " answer to your op..

The thing I don't get is why you are saying you'd be furious if he did it but it's ok for you to do once a month? Or is it a joke? Was this occasion also.a.joke and didn't actually happen?

In which case Haha.. brilliant op.. love it. Very funny lmfao do it every day I say

RhinoGirl · 15/05/2018 22:51

If I could get the time off, I would definately book a day when DH is at work and DD at nursery and do this! One can only dream ...

blackteasplease · 15/05/2018 22:52

My ex would have been funny about it too stink. Exactly the same thing with maternity leave and expecting me to basically skivvy the whole time evem to the detriment of looking after the baby.

That's partly why he's an ex.

Having to keep secret the fact you are meeting your own needs isn't healthy imo.

CrabappleBiscuit · 15/05/2018 22:53

My dh was convinced I was doing this for a while when he worked v long hours and I was working normal full time. He’d leave the house and I was 8n my dressing gown and I’d be back in the dressing gown by the t8me he got back.

And sometimes I was taking the day off,

Secret days off are the best, no need t9 feel yo7 have to do anything worthy like clean...

Guna100 · 15/05/2018 22:56

Brilliant plan, do it. I shudder to think of how many ‘sneaky pints’ my DH has and i’ve gotten quite good myself at carving free time out without ‘owing’ anyone....

Original poster
Jessica0905 · 15/05/2018 22:57

@CrabappleBiscuit I've booked the day off next Tuesday as well, however will need to be up early to take DS to childminder as MIL on holiday. Gutted 😂

OP posts:
Bumbelinadance · 15/05/2018 22:58

Just saying
As a single Mum
Zero support from baby daddy ( divorced )
I am a far better parent with breaks
I think it’s ok what you do

Takes a village to raise a child etc
Short breaks from family have kept me afloat
Feel indebted to them for it
Would have gone bonkers without
The “ going bonkers “ factor matters I think

Bet you are a better mum with this op

higgyyellow · 15/05/2018 22:59

If I was your MIL doing overnight flowed by all day childcare I would think this an absolute puss rake and refuse to take your child again.

If I was your MIL and you ASKED me to have my DC while I had a chill day, I would have said yes.

Think about it.

higgyyellow · 15/05/2018 22:59

Puss rake Confused

PISS TAKE

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 15/05/2018 23:01

Wish I could do the same. 😊

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/05/2018 23:02

*Our 2YO is watched overnight on a Monday by MIL as I work on a Tuesday until 7pm. Wife up mega early to go to work and finishes late. Unknown to MIL and wife I took a holiday from work today and LOVED it. Got up at 12 noon, faffed about, went for a bath and a lie down later. Contemplating doing this once a month.

I won't be telling wife! Can't be doing with the grief as i would be furious if she did that with me when my parents watched son. Opinions?*

Yep. MN would be lol'ing itself senseless and yelling 'you go, dad!' if this ^^ was posted.

Everyone needs downtime, and I think it's a great idea, but I would be upfront about it.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/05/2018 23:02

bold fail

monkey42 · 15/05/2018 23:04

I agree that it's hugely disrespectful towards your MIL. What if she has turned down other plans as she knew you were depending on her for you to go to work?
Fine if you ask your MIL?
I am a working mum of two but am not on your side as you have to save favours for when you really need them. YOu are very lucky to have the help of MIL, don't mess it up

Bumbelinadance · 15/05/2018 23:24

Just saying
As an older Mum
We do all realise when we have kids we likely get grandkids — that legacy doesnt stop when my eldest reaches/ reached 18 right .
A double joy in my experience
I see it as family - a lovely thing
Why shouldn’t I have my grandchildren once a week or twice a week
I hope their Mum catches up on sleep , work ,fun then . Their dad too
Perhaps a date or romance
Fantastic in my view

Realistica · 15/05/2018 23:27

I know the thread is light-hearted and having a 2-year-old myself, I definitely wouldn't say no to a monthly day off! But I would feel pretty weird lying about it to my OH. (Happy to lie about it to my MIL though, lol)

Realistica · 15/05/2018 23:28

Bumbelinadance has a fair point. Maybe it's just better to be honest about it all round

Crispbutty · 15/05/2018 23:33

If you get caught out lying your husband would probably be pissed off.

Imagine if the roles here were reversed. There would be suggestions that the bloke was having an affair, up to some other sort of no good etc if he was taking days off without his wife knowing.

PhoenixJasmine · 16/05/2018 07:45

I’m confused - what is the joke - so are you not actually planning to do this again OP? What is wrong with posters taking what you said seriously, I can’t see why one wouldn’t. Also you posted in AIBU, surely you’re inviting people to disagree with you Confused.

I take self-care days off regularly, I have a lot of annual leave (more than partner) and no children though. I think looking after your own mental well-being is paramount to you functioning well - at work, as a parent etc. However I agree with others that it’s very uncomfortable you would do this behind your husband’s back, it’s very odd that you would be furious if he did it yet you doing it is apparently funny. Also, if I was your family member providing free childcare, if I knew you needed some you-time I’d happily help, in fact it’s something I’ve proactively offered to several close friends/family, but if they lied saying they were at work when they weren’t, then I’d be pretty miffed and disinclined to help with their childcare in the future.

So - days off just for you-time, yay
Lying by omission to spouse and family doing you a favour, nay

Peterrabbitscarrots · 16/05/2018 07:50

If I was helping out a family member by providing free childcare then I’d be annoyed at the lies.

amy85 · 16/05/2018 08:02

If you are having to lie about it then it's obviously wrong!!!

Applejack70455 · 16/05/2018 08:10

I have done this on circadian but if it did it once a month that would be all my holiday for a year (part time!) I always get moaned at for 'wasting' holiday though when I've got none left by Christmas...

Applejack70455 · 16/05/2018 08:10

On occasion!

Applejack70455 · 16/05/2018 08:10

I really went to go and see infinity war so might take your lead and do it in a few weeks!

ColinsVeryJolly · 16/05/2018 08:17

My SIL regularly did this to my mum without her knowing.

She felt really taken advantage of when she found out and it soured their relationship.

If she'd have just asked my mum would've understood.