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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this nanny is really inappropriate?

77 replies

1ConcernedMama · 15/05/2018 20:05

I am unsure what to do over some behaviour I have witnessed from a local nanny. She is well known in the area and has built up a positive reputation for herself.

On one occasion, I witnessed an incident where one of the children she was looking after was running away from her, despite her calling the child's name repeatedly. The child is only a toddler, and she proceeded to call the child a 'little shit' under her breath (and in earshot of myself and other parents!). I know we have all had moments of frustration with our young children, but to actually say that aloud and in front of other parents is unacceptable and unprofessional in my mind.

On another occasion she started loudly speculating with other mums that the child she is looking after must have ASD, and the mother is in denial. She went through lists of his behaviour, being critical of the mothers approach to him. Cue her asking the other mums what their opinions are and discussing her theory in front of said child!

I know if this woman was looking after my child I would want to know about these incidents. I would not continue using her for childcare. AIBU to think this is really inappropriate? I am unlikely to report it as I am fearful I will alienate myself and I feel it isn't my place to snitch on the nanny. I have not seen anything that would cause major alarm bells, just highly inappropriate behaviour.

OP posts:
MollyDaydream · 15/05/2018 20:07

The first one is a bit petty but the second is serious. Do you know the mum?

insancerre · 15/05/2018 20:08

Yabu
It's none of your business

lulu12345 · 15/05/2018 20:08

I agree that doesn’t sound right at all from a nanny and if I were the mother I’d want to know (and she’d almost certainly be gone in a shot). Is there any way you can raise it quietly with the mother? The ASD discussion is the one I’d tell her about.

Original poster
1ConcernedMama · 15/05/2018 20:08

I know of the child (due to that incident), but not the mother.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 15/05/2018 20:10

If I was the child’s mum I’d be raging and want to know but I’d probably keep out of it if I were you as it’ll only cause hassle and she’ll likeky deny it

PorkyPortia · 15/05/2018 20:10

How has she built up a positive reputation for herself if she behaves like this ?
Other people must have noticed
No wonder they were running away
She sounds very unpleasant

Onceuponatimethen · 15/05/2018 20:10

Both are concerning.

You wonder what’s happening behind closed doors as well

You could report annonymously to nspcc and ask them to contact mum?

nokidshere · 15/05/2018 20:10

Sorry but it's not your business. If you witnessed neglect or abuse fair enough but calling a child a name under your breath and gossiping is neither.

Original poster
1ConcernedMama · 15/05/2018 20:12

Gossiping and being critical of the mother infront of the child though?! The child is also of an age where he could understand what was being said. This wasn't gossiping between friends over a glass of wine.

OP posts:
lulu12345 · 15/05/2018 20:15

Tricky one then if you don’t know the mum.. I can see why other people are saying to keep out as it could backfire if the nanny denies it or the mum takes it badly. But on other hand what have you got to lose here, worst case scenario a slightly pissed off nanny. On other hand if the mum took the feedback well (and did the right thing by not attributing it to you) she could decide what she wants to do for the good of her children. Personally if I were the mum in this scenario I’d be grateful to you telling me.

Original poster
1ConcernedMama · 15/05/2018 20:15

Onceuponatimethen Exactly. If she is comfortable doing that in busy public places in earshot of people, then you have to wonder what's happening in private.

OP posts:
lulu12345 · 15/05/2018 20:16

I agree with PP if this is what happens in public you worry what goes on in private

PorkyPortia · 15/05/2018 20:39

Can you say something to her if you hear her say it again ?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/05/2018 20:45

Fucking hell first page in already we have the "It's not of your business" brigade popping out of their boxes.
Child welfare is everyone's business for God sake.
YANBU, Op. if I was the child's mother I'd want to know.

WallisFrizz · 15/05/2018 20:46

I hate the “none of your business” brigade when it involves children.

She is completely unprofessional and shouldn’t be caring for that child.

greendale17 · 15/05/2018 20:46

Fucking hell first page in already we have the "It's not of your business" brigade popping out of their boxes.

^This. I would inform the mother OP

IMBU · 15/05/2018 20:53

If she is like that towards this child in public what is she like behind closed doors. Please do the right thing and report this. At the end of the day this little boy can't speak up for himself and his mum has put her trust in and is paying this woman completely unaware of her attitude towards him.

shirking9to5 · 15/05/2018 21:12

she doesn't sound like she likes the child, and that's what bothers me. Not the first one - maybe that was a really bad day, but alongside the second one, I'd be asking around to find someone that knows the mum. I hate sticking my nose in, but not liking a child is a pretty big deal for a nanny and you'd hope the nanny herself would move on if she felt like that without prompting.

nursy1 · 15/05/2018 21:17

Not sure really. I have on occasion when cross thought/perhaps said out loud/ something rude about my child. However, running down the Mum in front of the child is not on. That conversation, if it’s true at all should be with the parents.
I think on balance you could contact Mum and say “ Sorry, don’t want to be a busybodies but I heard this and thought it was pretty bad. It’s been playing on my mind so I felt I had to tell you”
Could go badly wrong though.

Original poster
1ConcernedMama · 15/05/2018 21:20

I have on occasion when cross thought/perhaps said out loud/ something rude about my child.

Yes but that's my point, it's your child. I wouldn't expect a childcare professional to speak that way about my child, let alone in front of other parents.

If I report to the child's mother I am at risk of alienating myself and being labelled as a busybody. It's a tricky situation as I would want to know in the mother's position.

OP posts:
nursy1 · 15/05/2018 21:30

concernedmama
Yes. I see your point. I just meant I don’t think your first point is so serious as the child didn’t hear but it’s not how you would want a nanny to behave.
I’ve no right answer really as I also would feel conflicted. However, on balance this is a child. Nobody wants a “nanny dearest” memory from childhood so perhaps bite the bullet and tell

LovingLola · 15/05/2018 21:31

Yabu
It's none of your business

It absolutely is the op's business. And given that from your posts you work in childcare, that statement of yours is worrying.

Dondi86 · 15/05/2018 21:32

If the mother sees you as a busy body for having genuine concerns about her child's welfare, I think you should be quite happy to be alienated from her!!!!!!

ppeatfruit · 15/05/2018 21:32

A toddler ! Running away from her, the swearing wasn't nice but a toddler running away could be dangerous if she ran across a drive way with a car reversing out or into a road, toddlers don't look where they're going fgs. A very odd way of 'looking after' a child.

I would tell the mother if I knew her.

MumofBoysx2 · 15/05/2018 21:33

Not at all professional. I would say something to the nanny herself at least.