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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have binned MILs batshit gift to my DC?

135 replies

FreshJeffhasleft · 14/05/2018 11:52

If the gift was dreadful? And we're no contact and I'd like to believe the gift was a horrible joke but no- it was "sincere"

OP posts:
Appletreecorner · 14/05/2018 14:40

Reminds me of my MIL. One year for Christmas she bought dd (who was the first female grandchild and had everything she wanted from dear PIL) a very large dolls house complete with family and furniture. The receipt was enclosed £499. i have no idea where she thought we were going to put it as it was well oversized for a normal (small) size detached. This was 8 years ago when dd was 6. DS, who was 3 at the time, and not the first male grandchild received a pair of pants.....

This level of present giving continued for a couple of years until dd received a bike (she already had a bike) and a voucher for a professional photo shoot for her birthday. DS received a second hand book for his. I told her to fuck off and that her presents and presence were not welcome. Haven't spoken to her since.

kateandme · 14/05/2018 14:42

aww hun this is really bloody cruel!
so sorry for you
the ideal lifer in me says this needs f*king bought to task.you tell you husband what happened and "don't you dare say they are acceptable for any human never mind the child we love"how could he ever think this was ok to give and not some mean gift.
do you know what the thought woud have been behind it.
well done on posting proof.no you shouldn't have to but you no what type of threads we get on here,youve nipped that in the bud so people will be able to help more.and I think are only gobsmacked and wondering how it could be true not not trusting your truths.
talk to your hub if you can.you need to support him and he you.must be hard to have these relative for the both of you.
you need love today too.id be really upset if this was left or my little one.or any of my family.

Cath2907 · 14/05/2018 14:48

Vagisil for a 4year old? That is a prize winner. I am guessing plenty of you on here just don't see the funny side. You do of course have every right to be hurt and annoyed on your child's behalf that their grandparents can't be arsed to put in the care and love that they deserve in choosing proper presents. They are obviously twats of the highest order. That being said being annoyed with them won't change anything. Stay NC and give yourself the leeway to have a little chuckle at the blatant twatishness and cheepskatedness of giving a kid a half eaten cake with a spoon in to cover up someone else's name. There is no way they could have made that worse is there?? That is a bad present top trump!

GrumbleBumble · 14/05/2018 14:50

@juells nope telling someone that something that happened didn't happen is gaslighting. The OP has stated that she isn't going to lie him.

marjorie25 · 14/05/2018 14:59

For me, I will continue to say this leave the children out of it.
You as an adult can do as you want. Do not bad mouth them in front of the children, you are teaching them bad behaviour.
I would have left the gift there for my husband to see when he comes home.
You are poisoning these children minds, just remember you will be a MIL and grandmother one day. What goes around returns right back to hit right where it hurts.
Unless they are abusive to the children, I would not stop them from being a part of their grandparents life and your husband should not stand for that as they are his parents too.
There are some battles that are worth fighting, but depriving them of a relationship with his parents is spiteful and that is coming from you.

Lou222 · 14/05/2018 15:02

Cath2907 the op put the spoon there so she didn’t reveal her child’s name.

PorkyPortia · 14/05/2018 15:09

Marjorie the behaviour is coming from the MIL not Fresh
I can see exactly where the OP is coming from , it’s hurtful , why should she tolerate it ?

blunderbutter · 14/05/2018 15:09

This reminds me of a "gift" I was given years ago by my dad's girlfriend who I had only just met for the first time. I was in my mid twenties. She was extremely jealous that she would have to share my dad with me for all of 2 weeks (he lived abroad and I was visiting him). I was staying in his flat, the bell rang and outside on the mat was a child's toy (I can't remember exactly what but something that would be given to a child less than 4). It later transpired that this was a gift for me from her. You can't get anymore passive aggressive than that. I am not sure if she was trying to make a point (I had only ever been nice to her, not that I spent much time with her) but it just made me question my dad's judgement.

Unsureneighbour · 14/05/2018 15:17

You are right not to let the kids see the gifts. My grandmother was awful with 'gifts' and usually gave me presents of enormous clothing (size 14-16 when I was a normal-sized slim child of 10) and sexy thongs, make up etc at a wildly inappropriate age. I was completely bewildered but pieced together the gifts with numerous her comments like 'boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses' and deduced that I was horribly unattractive, fat and needed the sexy underwear etc to attract a man. This was all as a preteen/early teenager and led to years of misery. Inexplicably my parents said and did nothing about it for fear of being rude to her and causing a fallout and I was forced to say thanks and act graciously. Confused In my late 20s I started to see a counsellor and we unpicked some of the damage but by then I'd had 15 years of being a car crash with men

Original poster
FreshJeffhasleft · 14/05/2018 15:20

Majorie you have no clue what has gone before today's thread- no idea whatsoever. I may or may not be a MIL or Granny one day- I've managed to make it this far with no other family rifts and a brilliant support network of lifelong friends to get me through the last dozen years of ill treatment at their hands. Ive managed to treat people respectfully and equally dodge people who've not been so nice.

I've not said anything about them (DC)other than the truthful reason we cannot see them- they were told the bones of it and they all decided that they would not visit a couple who have outcast their mother and treated her badly. If they wish to change their minds when the're older it's up to them. There was no way I was going to let history repeat itself and for them to create another generation of fucked up, guilt-ridden,emotionally strangled adults- not on my watch. If that makes me spiteful that's a badge I'd wear any day of the week.

I made the decision not out of spite but love and I am responsible for my children's wellbeing. And in answer to your question-Yes they have been abusive to them- many times.

OP posts:
QueenOfIce · 14/05/2018 15:26

I'm sorry op, I know it's not at all funny for you but this has really cheered me up!

And Dailyfail if you're thinking of using this as 'journalism' you're fucking crap at it, find a proper story. Wankers.

kateandme · 14/05/2018 15:27

freshjeffhasleft well explained.and go you for your kids.especially with grandkids.al we ever want is to see thegood in granparents.they are like comfy parental figures.so this makes them so vunerable to cruelty and manipulation.that does scare.well done for caring and protecting them.that is lovely.and no you shouldn't need to put up with this.
im only sorry the rest of the family has such loyalty issues

Echobelly · 14/05/2018 15:30

Wow, I can't imagine the depths of pettiness and spite that would lead adults to take out their venom on an 8-year-old on his birthday. I'm not surprised youre NC with them.

kateandme · 14/05/2018 15:32

what if the dailyfail picked it up saying how brave and protective this mum was.that how could family treat others so badly.and well done for such a brave brave mother protecting her kids from this.

Feb2018mumma · 14/05/2018 15:33

Dont know if has already been said but I just realized! Because they are NC they are proving a point that they still celebrate his birthday! They prob sat round a table and ate the cake then put it on door stop for guilt for your husband! CDs I have no idea, my grandma once wrapped her prescription paracetamol for my husband for Christmas! Can so imagine my MIL doing something like that if she doesn't see our son on his birthday!

diddl · 14/05/2018 15:33

That looks as if it would have been a really nice cake.

I don't see it as representing self pity that they've had to celebrate without their GS, more a gesture of what he could have had if he wasn't NC-I mean no one is going to give half a cake to a child, are they?

QueenArseClangers · 14/05/2018 15:38

Fuck off marjorie, you know nowt.

Mycatsarebetterthanyours · 14/05/2018 15:42

Is Marjorie the MIL? Such a strange point of view considering the facts.

Original poster
FreshJeffhasleft · 14/05/2018 15:45

mycats

The thought had crossed my mind.

OP posts:
Flexoset · 14/05/2018 15:47

Crossed my mind as well.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/05/2018 15:47

Was wondering the same re Marjorie actually.

I also think if fresh does one day become a MIL she will be a far nicer and less batshit MIL to her relatives. It also is about personality, her MIL and FIL are clearly disordered of thinking. Emotionally healthy people do not and never actually behave like OP has described.

MumofBoysx2 · 14/05/2018 16:01

Just to play devil's advocate, is this a (in very poor taste) olive branch? Maybe they were too worried about rejection to knock and too poor to afford anything else? Could this be the start at least of them wanting to build bridges? (accepting that they could have given the whole cake rather than half of it, but then maybe someone gave it to them?)

Crispbutty · 14/05/2018 16:04

"Put it all in a box in the attic. If child wonders where presents went once they are adult you can show them the box of shite"

I think a cake might go a bit mouldy. Grin

Original poster
FreshJeffhasleft · 14/05/2018 16:05

Mumofboys
They are poor of judgement, minted in terms of money.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 14/05/2018 17:17

I wouldn't hide 'what' was dropped off from your DH either.

I can just imagine you pretending they were nicked ... it would be an opportunity for batshit MIL to claim they were fantastic presents, not what was actually there ... and you'd have no comeback having already lied about never seeing them.

Be honest and upfront: rubbish, batshit presents from abusive inlaws ... not being handed over or mentioned to DCs. End of.