To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

@utrecht I think this is why I cant cope with it, although not having a formal diagnosis yet, its really hard to not be able to give that as a proper reason, although am starting to more and more because of the difficulties of even accessing assessment.
Its not easy when people just assume you can or should do something and if you dont its some personal or moral failing or that youre lazy for not volunteering

I was a single parent to a 8, 6 & 3 yr old , working full time . Middle child ASD. I tried the PTA committee but evening meetings were too tricky so simply signed up to man a stall. It's not hard.
Dcs loved helping on the stall, just like playing shops !
Little one taken off round the other stalls by eldest or friends mums.. the 'no childcare ' if you're running a stall at the summer fair is bollocks. There are tons of parents there to keep an eye. If you don't have a single mum friend amongst all your dcs class mates able to walk around a playground for 15 minutes with their child and one of yours I would suggest you need to develop some social skills.
The simple answer OP is they don't want to. They like the things the PTA buy with money raised, they just have the attitude that 'someone else will do it' .
No, I didn't always want to run a tombola on a wet Saturday afternoon in December, yes I would much rather have spent my free time with now DH doing family things but I could do that the other 50 Weeks a year. It's about priorities.

The Chair of our PTA was severely disabled , wheelchair bound with an oxygen tank thingy on the back. I think this is one of the reasons out PTA was so well subscribed for volunteers. No one felt they could even begin to invent an excuse. Especially when she whizzed up to them and asked directly!

People are selfish OP.. some feel no guilt about it , some will make excuses. has always been the same.

Why wont i volunteer anymore?

Because for 2 years on the trot people came out the woodwork moaning on social media how crap we were and what a terrible job we were doing. The same people who never lifted a finger all year to help or vunteer their wonderful expertise.

The first year i thought we were just unlucky.

The second year the entire committee quit enmass due to the bitching on social media.

So no. I wont go anywhere near it ever again.

People are selfish OP.. some feel no guilt about it , some will make excuses. has always been the same.

And maybe some people are doing the best they can without adding another woman's-work-chore on top of everything else?

I used to help a lot when mine were in infants school. I did cakes sales/book fairs/Christmas and summer fairs, I even did a stint as secretary. But that was when I was married, worked in a job where I had more free time and dh could look after them in the evening to attend meetings.

Now they are older in the Juniors I'm divorced, live further from the school and work a school hours job so cannot attend anything during the day and have the dc in the evenings.

I was also saddened when I was going through my divorce and came off the PTA which I had devoted a lot of hours to over 4 years and didn't get so much as a thank you/card and was treated as gossip rather than "are you ok." Members who had left previously had always at least got a card if they had been a long standing active member.

I find also that once people's dc get to Junior school age (so 8/9/10/11) the novelty wears off or they go to work full time etc.

Plenty of people work full time and still help out on the PTA though. I find it frustrating that people are happy for their kids to enjoy the benefit of all the work the PTA do but don’t help themselves. Yes not everyone will be able to help for a variety of reasons but a lot could if they wanted to I’m sure.

I helped at our previous school, when the parents were nice friendly folk ( small village school) and I was still with ex to help with childcare

Now I'm a single mum to 3 kids 6,4,3. 4 year old has severe SEN and I can't get anyone to watch him while I help and can't help while I'm watching him.

Plus I'm at work during the school day so can't attend meetings.

Plus the other mums havnt exactly been welcoming to me, moved mid reception with eldest child, youngest mum by about 10 years, no one made an effort to make me feel welcome.

If you are looking for ways to get more involved with the fairs etc, a school near us that is 3 form entry tried having a competition with the year 6s to which class could raise the most at the fair and in the month before generally. There was an own clothes day for the winning class the following week.

Parents for those 3 classes got very involved as their DCs were. Officially, the children were running the stalls for their class (2/3 of them taking half hour slots each), however it was made clear they'd need a parent to supervise each time slot... For various reasons that wouldn't work at our school, but might be worth thinking about if you have more than 1 form entry.

Nope not selfish. I know its for the kids but quite frankly when it descends into personal attacks open and being privately slated then no. Im not a sacrificial lamb thanks all the same

People are selfish OP

Yes, some people are selfish.

And some people are smug, self-congratulatory and so narrow minded that they can't imagine for one second that other people might have valid reasons for making different choices to their own.

Oh god what a load of sanctimonious rubbish fontofnoknowlege. Just because some people love organising things and being on committees, does not give you the right to dictate how others should spend their free time. I would rather poke my eyes out with a spoon than do this sort of thing. I cannot stand the politics and bitching that always goes with it. It's nothing to do with being selfish.

I wonder how many men get targeted guilt-tripped for not helping on PTAs?

Presumably they get a 'pass' because they're so busy working... but even women working FT on this thread are being told they should be volunteering.

Good point about woman's work chore.

How many dad's are on the pta or is it just another stick to beat women with?

I'm happy to be considered selfish if it fits your narrative. I'm sitting here thinking one more year to go. I barely know secondary school parents. It's bliss.

selfish ? That’s a very easy judgement to make. You’ve no idea what people are juggling or coping with.

Plus when I scroll down the list of things our PTA has spent money on, I can’t see a single thing that looks like it was a sensible purchase.

Because I don’t want to

I think it's ridiculous to call those people who don't volunteer selfish and takers. I volunteer in a charity shop a couple of hours a week. I also give to British Heart Foundation. But do I come on here and call those who don't do what I do selfish and takers? No I don't, because I understand that there are millions of good causes and ways of spending time helping others, and everyone has the right to choose their own way of giving back. People should stop putting their beaks in other's people's lives.

I said I could ask local businesses for prizes (was in sales so happy to try a few calls).

Was told 'we don't need that, we need someone to do face painting'.

I didn't offer to help I am crap at facepainting

(It’s all “crisps for a school trip” ... “Easter eggs for an Easter hunt” ... and similar idiocy)

I’ve kind of stopped helping now because I’ve helped for 7 years. It’s largely unappreciated and a lot of other parents seem to think that I have nothing better to do and their spare time is more valuable than mine and therefore it’s ok if I do loads and they do nothing. They’ll send their kids to the discos though and their kids will make use of the equipment we buy and they’ll benefit in a lot of ways but they won’t lift a finger because they’re too busy and important and in all honesty I’ve become ridiculously disillusioned. It’s the same people all of the time and it’s even the same ones who help at school who help with beavers / football teams / community councils and the like. A lot of whom work full time, have partners who work away, have no family nearby and almost every other excuse going and yet they manage even if only for an hour at the fair at Christmas or printing out tickets for the disco or whatever.

Yes I’m a bit pissed off with it all!

The majority of our pta committee are male with full time jobs. I understand not everyone can help and it would be impossible to run if everyone did, but I do think some people are very harsh, just because you've had a bad experience with a pta doesn't mean they're all like that. I had a bad experience with a midwife, I don't now think all midwives are the same. If you don't want to do it that's fine, but no need to criticise those that do.

I helped out a lot with my church which was affiliated to my children’s school and the PTA. Awful is not the word. Incredibly cliquey, dull and whooo so yummy mummy- just bursting with Stepford Wives who looked down on anyone not so fortunate enough to to be rich homeowners in a London suburb. I gave up after a few years. Not a word of thanks, just expectations of what you should be doing, no matter how busy you are or how many children you have. Also, I find it all so sexist and female orientated. Hardly any men on the PTA, just a group of snobby, narrow minded gossipy women. Nope not for me. And what irritated me the most was that my children’s school was voluntary aided,C of E. They kept on and on saying how desperate they were for money, even making it to the local papers because they were short of stationary ! Yet the vicar of the church lived in a huge rectory worth roughly at least a million in a posh part of the borough in South East London. There’s us struggling to make ends meet, expected to volunteer and show our care for the community and school, yet this man lives in a 5 bedroomed Victorian mansion all owned by the Church. I went there many times. All the church have to do is sell the sprawling vicarage for a smaller but adequate family home and put some of the profit back into the school. But no, they expect the parents to waste their time and energy instead. Everyone on here seems to be apologising for not getting involved. My DH is a higher earning tax payer- we already contribute and we pay for all trips, swimming and activitues plus our own stationary, except books. I donate used uniform, books and other items I think the school could use. It’s voluntary. If you don’t want to, don’t bother. I hate the fact that it’s always women who are always expected to be baking or running a stall. Where are the men? I saw in all my years helping out for church and school about 2-3 men doing a stall- all the rest were women. It just all felt so patronising and “now you have kids, forget you had a career- go bake muffins and biscuits instead”. What? Is the war still on? Bake for your school - your school needs you !” Thank god my kids are all out of primary. Why are women feeling so pressured but not men? My husband never helped out once! Yet because I deal with kids stuff mostly, as the woman I have to help ? The PTA is the school gate mafia. Avoid!

I work full time and am a single mother so unable to attend. I would be happy to pay toward funds, £20 a term or so.

Did six years of manning a stall at every school event. That's enough, time for the parents of younger children to step up and do stuff now. The parent of a reception child that asked why I 'never bothered' deserved a slap though, patronizing bitch - happened in October, 6 weeks in to the school year .....

The majority of our pta committee are male with full time jobs.

Fair enough. Ours is entirely female, and has been for many years. And many of the posts on here keep talking about why 'more mums ' don't help.