To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

Is it me or are groups of men rarely dubbed "cliques"

In my personal experience dads do not act this way.

I agree. I think all the insults and accusations of cliqueyness are a way of deflecting some guilt.

Why is there a need to be so nasty? And it isn't just about PTAs. There was a thread about parent helpers at Scouts/Guides and similar criticisms were levelled then.

It might help to remember that the PTA are volunteers, not paid members of staff. I think some of you are expecting an awful lot - have meetings at a variety of times, bend over backwards to be welcoming, provide clear instructions for new helpers, word e mails in certain ways, ask for money instead of events, don't ask for money...

We tried so hard to be welcoming. We tried to change meeting times. We tried asking for donations. It isn't easy having spare people to run induction courses for new volunteers while you are trying to set up an event. And for every change we tried to adopt someone else criticized.I think the truth is that times have changed. People don't want to volunteer or think "why should I?" It seems like it is always someone else's responsibility to do whatever. The truth is that funding is being cut back more and more. Don't support the PTA because you don't like them, don't have time, don't agree with fundraising - whatever the reason is, just let the PTA fade out. But don't then moan because things start fading out at school - I have a rule that I would never expect anyone to do something that I'm not prepared to do myself.

If you want to fund raise for school but don't want to be involved with the PTA offer to run something else - we started doing quiz sheets or treasure hunts. Doesn't involve an event, talking to anyone, joining the coven, can be organised at home, at anytime. Just do 1 and ask school if they could duplicate them and give one to each child. If the child wants to enter then they pay an entrance fee when the return the form.

We also ran a lottery bonus ball draw - quite easy to organise. Sell the numbers (we collected the money monthly) and then half the money went to school, the other half was the prize money. You do need a licence from the council to run this though.

There are probably lits of other ideas similar to this. You can do them when it suits you, you are contributing and you don't need to attend meetings, interact with the PTA at all.

But if you work full time - you still have evenings and weekends And spending 45 minutes contributing to school events maybe one Saturday a term isn’t that much is it?

it would be the straw that breaks the camel's back for me and many people I know

in a nutshell though, the cause just isn't compelling enough (at least not for our school)

Also, and this is the actual school doing this now but it was the PTA at school one, it is really, really galling when events aimed at 'Dads' happen first thing, so the Dads can get to work, but during the day for 'Mums'. PTA at school one organised 'Dads' breakfast' at 8am but the 'Mums' breakfast' was at 9.15 'to get the school run out of the way'.

At the moment it is because DH works in the US every other week, and I have three children. THe youngest goes to nursery for three hours a day and during this time I do bits around the house and exercise.

However our school is very proactive and for the Xmas and Summer fairs volunteer sheets for each class stall (four form entry primary school , so this is not a small affair) are put outside each classroom. There are 30minute slots each requiring two people to do the work. We often have our children with us whilst running the stalls and they often help out too.

Each year there are meetings held though I have yet to attend these. I am going to become more involved next year when my little one starts school.

DD1’s private school: the PTA didn’t need me, it seemed to partly function as a social club for the glitziest parents and drew others like moths. DD2’s special school, also has healthy volunteer levels, partly I think because it’s so bloody difficult to work full time with a child with severe disabilities so many parents don’t work and are highly motivated to support this excellent school. I don’t volunteer directly with the PTA but I have raised money for/ sourced equipment for the school and a couple of very specific and outing things. I worked full time and most PTA stuff is in working hours.

There are several reasons actually.

1. I spend more than my ft job organising fun events for other people, and organising other people. I need a break
2. My job has non negotiable dates I will be there for 14-16 hours , these always seem to coincide with the end of term and PTA dates

I actually did plan to help more this this year, I hate social gatherings so would prefer to have a 'role' at summer fairs etc than just hanging around. We moved on from the tiny infants school, to the larger (affiliated) primary this year in yr 3. tbh our class rep was so sneery in the first week, when I dared to ask about getting tickets for the 'welcome ' disco without being in the playground ie could they be dropped into the office if I left the money there (I work from 8.30 so DD goes to breakfast club). She was so unhelpful and unfriendly it really put me off and we felt so unwelcome as the newcomers joining their school.

This was followed up by a similar response to a question on the class WhatsApp about homework, which thankfully a couple of parents I knew defended me on.

I have no time for school gate politics, cliques and superior attitudes at my age so I have opted out of having to deal with such an unpleasant woman.

(And I miss the very friendly non cliquey infants school!)

Because "evenings and weekends" don't necessarily mean my DH is around to watch the children, we've no family nearby to help either, and if it's food related we're an allergy family so we can't.

I have done and spent a lot of time doing stuff. I used to be that person who would volunteer for everything. But I didn't particularly like the cliqueyness from older members of the committees and the inflexibility to change things that had always been done that way. I have a chronic illness and always found myself rushing around and wishing I didn't have to help out again...so eventually I made the decision to stop being involved with anything-school, village, cubs etc. Which was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and helped with the health! Ended up being involved with other things close to my heart now... can't seem to say no! But lots of people just don't think organising stuff has anything to do with them which is why they don't get involved.

At my school because the people that volunteer to do such things are twats! Disorganised, cliquey, mistake-prone... I can do without the stress!

New school in September. I’m hoping it’s better!

So people are asked why they dont volunteer
Explain why, cliques, no time, illness, disability, no support whatever, a whole range of valid answers
And yet there are still some claiming not good enough, "i work or xyz too, if i can you should too" mentality. Then wonder why pta is touted as bitchy and cliquey. I mean hello......

Think yourself bloody lucky you have the coping strength to do it. I dont, many others dont.
Dont ask if you dont want honest answers

“a lot of people need to feel busy and useful in life and the PTA helps to fill that gap”

Wow.

Is it just people who volunteer for the PTA you despise, or is it all volunteers?

I get put off by the cliques - I work full time so never get to pick up. Every mum who volunteers seems to know everyone else. Last time I volunteered I felt like an idiot stuck on the sidelines. I’m not the most confident when it comes to mum socialising. I always want to help though!

I think despise is a strong word here. I'd say it was more dismissive of people she has nothing in common with.

“a lot of people need to feel busy and useful in life and the PTA helps to fill that gap”

That seems a reasonable statement to me. It takes all sorts to make a word and some undoubtedly enjoy the sense of usefulness being involved in the PTA brings. For others it is not their jam. No value judgement, just different types of people. No need to be defensive, if you enjoy the PTA stuff that is great for you, but doesn't mean others have to feel the same.

I know despise is a strong word. That’s why I used it. I considered contempt- because that comes across loud and clear from many posts on this thread too.

And as I said, I hope it’s not all volunteers people despise........

Is it normal in life for people to say.

"This is not my experience of a given situation, so not only are you wrong when talking about your experience, your probably lying/making excuses too".

Or is it just the PTA.

If you have had a good situation, good for you, but guaranteed the circumstances surrounding your volunteering is not the the same as others. They can only go by their experience. And as someone who is socially awkward, it could be that there are no cliques, and it's just their perception of a given situation, something they have to work through. Confidence is a big factor.

To discount that is short-sighted.

I am obliged to run fund-raising stalls at the Christmas and summer fairs as a teacher.
I run a Scouting group.
I run the fund-raising team for DS’s sports group.
I think that’s probably enough.

“This is not my experience of a given situation, so not only are you wrong when talking about your experience, your probably lying/making excuses too".

What is happening on this thread is that many people are saying “This is my experience/ interpretation of my own situation- so that is by definition universal”. And “This is how I feel about the PTA at my school, so I can be as offensive as I like about PTA people in general” and, presumably, by extrapolation, all volunteers.

I'm sorry you feel that PTA members are despised on this thread. As a PTA member that probably doesn't make you feel good.

However, in fairness you personally are not the PTA member that everyone is talking about. Many people on the thread are wary of joining because of past experiences. They talk experience and quite frankly it's taken personally.

To say that a group of people are happier doing something than others is not an example of being despised. It's a statement of fact. I'd rather go to the gym than watch soulless reality TV. To each their own. Doesn't mean I despise reality tv watchers, but I'm likely to hear their choice of show and glaze over as it's of no interest to me.

I can't stop you using inflammatory statements to get your point across but I can say exaggerating your position doesn't help your cause.

I am shy and struggle with crowds and noise. School drop off and pick up gives me more of a social life than I want to have.

There are tons of SAHPs in our schools with good family support. I work and cannot organise childcare at short notice. If you cannot accept that lack of those 2 things is a factor in volunteering then perhaps the problem is you.

I often don't agree with the things the money gets spent on (classroom tech like EWB and tablets, non-educational school trips, stuff for the playground that I didn't think was necessary). Not interested in sport stuff. Volunteering would eat into time spend reading and doing stuff with my child, which is actually educational.

@BertrandRussell
What is happening on this thread is that many people are saying “This is my experience/ interpretation of my own situation- so that is by definition universal”. Are they though? And “This is how I feel about the PTA at my school, so I can be as offensive as I like about PTA people in general” Again are they? I'm seeing rushed quick comments (made without much thought to be fair), they don't even come back to say anything else, so they answer the OP and go back to their lives without even realising the offence they seem to have caused you - probably by some of those time poor people that were told could spare 30 minutes but couldnt spare 2 minutes to ensure they were PC online.

and, presumably, by extrapolation, all volunteers. Well, as some of them volunteer elsewhere I doubt that extrapolation is true. So let's just say it's their PTA.

Thing is Bertrand if someone says I have a nasty ndn I believe them even though I personally have never had a difficult ndn

Of course some ptas are nasty as people are nasty. I live to sing but once went to a nasty unwelcoming choir. Rare I think but it still happened!

I volunteered for two years for pta at last middle school. Once I was allocated to do the children’s tea for a film afternoon at the end of the school day but within working hours. Stupidly I agreed to this despite having a tiny baby at the time. No family near to help out and of course dh at work.

Baby stayed asleep the whole time luckily but I wasn’t given any jobs and literally stood there like a spare part doing nothing and feeling very left out. Every query about could I help was rebuffed. I ended up feeling it was very cliquey and why had they asked me to help at all. They were actually nice people but had been doing pta a long time and knew how everything had always been done so it wasn’t very welcoming. Definitely felt like there was an in group and an out group.