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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to report inappropriate language to teacher

93 replies

Emski76 · 13/05/2018 15:34

My son is in Year 5 and came home last week upset about upcoming sex Ed lessons. We had a lovely chat which ended with him asking me what some words meant as his friends had been saying them and he didn’t know what they meant. The words were porn, rape, mangina (?) and condom. I explained each word and was very concerned about porn and rape. I spoke to my sons teacher the next day and she says she would talk to the class as a whole and separately to the boys who says the words. Today my son has bumped into these boys and they’ve asked why he told on them. He’s denied everything but I’m feeling so upset and that I’ve messed up be reporting it. Opinions needed ( please be honest)

OP posts:
Happyandshiney · 13/05/2018 15:39

My ten years olds know what porn, rape and condom mean.

Why was your DS upset?

SavoyCabbage · 13/05/2018 15:41

I’m baffled.

Why did you ‘report’ them saying these words?

Buster72 · 13/05/2018 15:42

You are taking the judgement of a ten year old over your own common sense.
Also what is wrong with using English words in the correct context?

FilledSoda · 13/05/2018 15:42

I'm not sure why the boys would be in trouble for saying porn or rape, is there something more to it?

Storm4star · 13/05/2018 15:44

Not answering the question I know but I find it a bit sad that we live in times where 10 year olds know about things like porn and rape!

Original poster
Emski76 · 13/05/2018 15:44

Maybe I over reacted but his teacher was equally upset. I thought it was I appropriate for ten year olds to be walking around saying they were rapists. Not the kind if words I’d expect a 10 year old to say. My son knows about sex as he has asked questions over the years but certainly didn’t know what rape was.

OP posts:
Mulberry72 · 13/05/2018 15:45

I’m a bit puzzled as to why they needed “reporting” for saying rape or porn? Mangina isn’t even a real word!

mamaduckbone · 13/05/2018 15:46

Surely in the context of sex education an open frank discussion about what such words mean is healthy? Or was this not how it happened?

Storm4star · 13/05/2018 15:47

Emski, I can see what your getting at but looks like no one else will agree!

KindergartenKop · 13/05/2018 15:47

You didn't say in your OP that the kids were claiming to be rapists. You said they were using the word rape.

Original poster
Emski76 · 13/05/2018 15:47

That’s how I feel Storm4star. Knowing these words and using them in a primary school environment is not appropriate in my own opinion. I reported it on the back of my sons worries about the sex Ed classes (he wasn’t the only child to be worried) and added my concerns about the words at the end of the meeting. In hindsight I should have just told my son to ignore it and not mentioned it to his teacher

OP posts:
NameChangeCuzImAHorriblePerson · 13/05/2018 15:48

How about give us some context?? You've just said some nonsense about kids walking around saying they're rapists, wtf? If that's integral to your reporting then maybe that should've been in your original post.

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 15:48

I don't think you were wrong in saying something yr 5 is 9 isn't it? Ithink 9yr old kids talking about rape and porn is innaproriate and an adult needed to step inyou were hardly telling tales . Btw what is a mangina i really have no clue

Original poster
Emski76 · 13/05/2018 15:50

Sorry KindergartenKop, my son asked what rape was then told me exactly what the boys had said. Last year one of the boys told my 5 year old to grab a girls boobs and ask her for sex so he already has form for this. I just felt saying you are a rapist was not the thing I wanted my child to hear.

OP posts:
Happyandshiney · 13/05/2018 15:51

Children “claiming to be rapists” is considerably different from children using the word rape.

Why was your son worried about the sex Ed classes though?

Luisa27 · 13/05/2018 15:52

From my understanding - OP didn’t ‘report’ the boys for uttering these words - she felt concern regarding their context and usage - and raised these concerns with the class teacher?

I agree OP I’d be concerned too. Especially ‘porn’ and ‘rape’ - not sure my Y5 9/10 year old would have an understanding either.
I also think that maybe the class teacher could have handled the situation more sensitively.
Try not to feel upset OP - your concerns are valid (IMO) - and it’s good you have such an open relationship with your son Smile

Original poster
Emski76 · 13/05/2018 15:52

Again sorry NameChange I don’t normally post on here. I have literally just had a call from my son to tell me about seeing the boys so am feeling pretty shit about putting him in the position where his friends think he’s told on them so was rushing to get it all down on here.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 13/05/2018 15:52

Why do people think it's normal for ten year olds to talk about porn? Where are people talking to them about porn? It's not coming from anywhere appropriate that I can think of!

anaa1 · 13/05/2018 15:53

It's great that your son asked, and that you told him. I honestly don't see a problem - your son had a safe reliable place to gain the knowledge he wanted. Children do talk about these things and why shouldn't they - it's information about the world they're in and as a parent you can explain it in an age appropriate way. It's all just information.

NameChangeCuzImAHorriblePerson · 13/05/2018 15:53

So a massive fucking drip feed then. Maybe "AIBU to report a kid for saying they're a rapist" ffs

NameChangeCuzImAHorriblePerson · 13/05/2018 15:54

Your son doesn't need friends like that OP.

Original poster
Emski76 · 13/05/2018 15:54

Thanks Luisa. We are particularly proud of him that he was able to speak to me.
I don’t think his teacher would have told the boys it was my son who told but it might be obvious to them. We’ve told him to deny it as the moment.
Happy and Shiny my son is an ultra sensitive boy and is worried people will laugh. We had a lovely talk about it and I explained that when we are embarrassed we sometimes laugh!

OP posts:
Luisa27 · 13/05/2018 15:55

The whole ethos sounds deeply unpleasant and inappropriate to me - particularly the situation with the older boy telling your 5 year old to grab that little girl. How horrible

OpiningGambit · 13/05/2018 15:56

A 'mangina' is a joke word for a man's vagina (not in the context of trans issues). It's featured in the Mighty Boosh I seem to remember.

I would expect children in Y5 to know what porn is, and understand how it's not like real sex. I would probably expect them to know what rape was if they knew what sex was (rape is making someone have sex when they don't want to, it's not hard to explain) and that it's a Very Serious Thing.

I wouldn't expect them to be going around claiming to be rapists, but then they are little boys. They've probably heard it somewhere, and almost certainly have no idea of how serious it is. If someone had explained to them what it was, and how serious it was, they might not have been doing it.

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 15:56

Are you normally so aggresive namechange ?

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