About PIL in DC room

[ConfusedYetAgain]

I have somehow ended up caught in the middle of a disagreement and would be interested to hear who people think is unreasonable here.

SIL and BIL recently moved to a town about 1.5 hour drive from PIL. They have two young DC. Their house is 3 bed but both the DC rooms are very small, you’d struggle to comfortably fit a double bed in either.

PIL are planning to visit. SIL and BIL were intending to offer them a sofa bed in their dining room. PIL are angry with this and think they are being made unwelcome. They think they should be offered one of the DCs rooms and the DC should share or one sleep in parents room.

SIL doesn’t want to do this as in order to fit in a double air mattress for PIL they would have to move furniture (bed and shelving unit, possibly something else I can’t remember) out of the room. She thinks it would be disruptive to both DC as they would have to move furniture into one room, and the DC wake each other if they are in same room.

PIL also think that DC should learn that they have to give up their room for adults. SIL and BIL both say that’s fine but they are too young to understand that lesson at the moment so it’s just disruptive to the whole family. PIL think it’s about the principle that DC should accommodate adults so the DCs age isn’t important.

I tend to think PIL are unreasonable as the sofa bed would be equally comfortable as an air mattress, and they can have privacy in the dining room as much as in a bedroom. But on the other hand, I do get that guests would rather have a bedroom than just a sofa bed that needs to be cleared away during the day.

So, who is unreasonable?

PIL are being U. Surely they'd rather have more space than be cramped in a small bedroom??

Well as a guest I wouldn't ever complain and would just take what I'm given.

But as a host, I'd want my guests to be comfortable. If I really didn't want to disturb dc by making them move, then I'd take the sofa bed and give pil my room.

Obviously it depends on how long they are staying but I'd give up our room if we couldn't move the children. Easier for adult guests to have their own room and us (who would be up early with young children) have the sofa bed.
It's just polite.

Why should DC give up their rooms?

It's their private space, you can't turf them out on a whim.

They would not be invited to stay at mine with that attitude

PIL are BU. A sofa bed is a much better option than an air mattress. When staying at other's houses, you either take what they can offer, or you pay to stay elsewhere. You don't dictate.

PIL are being unreasonable. They either stay in the room being offered by the hosts or they stay in a local b&b/hotel
PIL are focusing their frustration on the DCs even though it is adults who are making the decisions

PIL are being unreasonable but tbh why dont the parents sleep on sofa bed and let PIL have their room?

Id put PIL on the airbed too tbf. If they are that offended, stay in a hotel

PIL should stay in a hotel. Failing that, could they sleep in SIL bedroom and SIL use the sofa bed in dining room? Saves disruption to the children

Your BiL & SiL should give up their room & sleep on the sofa bed themselves. They don't have a spare room & theirs is the only double. The children can disturb them when they get up and let the grandparents have a proper lie in.

I would offer PIL my bed and have the sofa bed. Our sofa bed is hugely uncomfortable and I wouldn't want to inflict it on guests!

Visit is pretty much ruined now anyway. One party is going to be resentful no matter what. Personally, as a guest, I would be glad of a bed anywhere, rather than paying for a hotel or having to driving back home.

If they don’t like what’s on offer they can get a hotel.

If the DC's rooms are so small that furniture needs to be moved out to accommodate a double air bed, then I can't see how PIL will be comfortable in there anyway (the whole room will be filled with bed pretty much).

But in your SIL and BIL's position IMO they should be offering their bed to PIL and they can then sleep wherever fits in best.

PIL are totally unreasonable! That said, if I have guests I usually let them have my room and I sleep on the sofa bed, as I am usually the last to bed/first up anyway and I get that people like to have somewhere to put their stuff. But with that attitude I don’t think I’d be offering my bed now!

Why should SIL give up her own bed? I would never give up my own bed. PIL are being completely U. It is not fair to turf out the DC out of their bedrooms. They can either take the sofa bed or else they can check into a hotel.

I don't believe in DC giving up their rooms for adults either. Everyone is entitled to have a space that is theirs. I would have hated being turfed out of my room as a child, ditto now as an adult. It is my safe space and always has been

I'm sure the GP have plenty of opportunities for 'proper lie ins'. If they don't want to be disturbed by GC, then they need to book a hotel.

Book them an AirB&B/cheap hotel.

So much unnecessary drama and upheaval for principles over practicality!

It's only 1.5 hours, they can go home if they don't like it

Also as a guest I would hate to stay in the couple's bedroom, or anyone's bedroom. I'd prefer a neutral space like a sofa in the living room, if no spare room was available. For the same reasons I'd pick Travelodge over a B&B

I just wouldn't invite guests if they got angry about my hospitality.

I wouldn't move small dc too disruptive to routine. Maybe when they're a bit older 4+ perhaps. Mine would be ok now. But I would not be removing furniture to accomodate larger beds that would say to be that they don't have space for pil to stay. (I wouldn't be giving up my space either as I need to escape when I have houseguests).

PIL are U. They are guests, they should be grateful for any bed.