About PIL in DC room

[ConfusedYetAgain]

I have somehow ended up caught in the middle of a disagreement and would be interested to hear who people think is unreasonable here.

SIL and BIL recently moved to a town about 1.5 hour drive from PIL. They have two young DC. Their house is 3 bed but both the DC rooms are very small, you’d struggle to comfortably fit a double bed in either.

PIL are planning to visit. SIL and BIL were intending to offer them a sofa bed in their dining room. PIL are angry with this and think they are being made unwelcome. They think they should be offered one of the DCs rooms and the DC should share or one sleep in parents room.

SIL doesn’t want to do this as in order to fit in a double air mattress for PIL they would have to move furniture (bed and shelving unit, possibly something else I can’t remember) out of the room. She thinks it would be disruptive to both DC as they would have to move furniture into one room, and the DC wake each other if they are in same room.

PIL also think that DC should learn that they have to give up their room for adults. SIL and BIL both say that’s fine but they are too young to understand that lesson at the moment so it’s just disruptive to the whole family. PIL think it’s about the principle that DC should accommodate adults so the DCs age isn’t important.

I tend to think PIL are unreasonable as the sofa bed would be equally comfortable as an air mattress, and they can have privacy in the dining room as much as in a bedroom. But on the other hand, I do get that guests would rather have a bedroom than just a sofa bed that needs to be cleared away during the day.

So, who is unreasonable?

When I was a kid my sister would come in with me and guests would have her room. Obviously in this case that's not possible.

I would never expect my parents or in laws to sleep on a sofa bed and would give them my bed in this situation. Getting older is no fun and I'm not going to give them an uncomfortable nights sleep unnecessarily

Brother/sister in law can sleep on the sofa bed though!!

I'd most likely sleep downstairs and let PILs have mine and DHs room. It can be a pain not having a room to put your stuff in if you are a guest. However, if there's space to eat in the kitchen and the dining room doesn't need to be used as a dining room when the PILs are staying, then giving them a sofa bed in that room is as good as giving them a guest room, so I would do that. I would not move the children, particularly as neither of them have big rooms.

PIL are being unreasonable. If the dining room is an actual room with a door then basically they are in a guest bedroom on an actual bed rather than in a kids room on a blow up mattress... cannot think why anyone would want to be in a kids room on a blow up mattress rather than an actual room that no one will need access to during their stay!

I think the PIL are being incredibly rude making demands on someone else’s hospitality and should get a hotel if they’re not happy with what’s offered.

We always give up our bedroom when PIL come, I can’t see a need for an 80 year old to sleep on a sofa bed on the floor (ours is more a futon style than one it’s a frame). They have space for their things which I find better than cluttering a dining or living room.

Our DD’s room is more than a b Darron, it is her private space to retreat and play, dream, read. I would never take that away unless it is an emergency for one night,

Is there a downstairs loo? Older people sometimes like to have a loo on the same floor, so maybe that’s the issue, and some people don’t like sleeping on the ground floor, so perhaps that is part of it too.

Personally I wouldn’t move everything around and disrupt the children. The dining room sounds like it is a room so it would probably be quieter in there anyway, and I’d leave it as a bedroom and eat in the living room or kitchen for their visit perhaps.

I thinks it’s 🦇 💩 and rude of them to dictate their sleeping arrangements. I’m all for being polite to guests, but they are family and being offered a reasonable place to stay so I think the tent option is probably the best alternative

What would bug me the most is that they are telling your SIL how to parent (the children have to give up their rooms) and that making the point is more important that it being practical.

If they push it I’d go with no furniture moving and provide them 2 single rooms and put the children in the dining room with instructions to wake DGP as early as possible to show them their new noisy toys.

Your PIL sound selfish, self centred and spoilt. I would just plonk them in a hotel just to teach them a lesson about not overburdening their children.

Most people I know in this situation give up their own bed and sleep on the sofa bed